Licence to wed

Yesterday I had the day off. Dave and I took a trek to the county government complex. After finding the right building, we were sworn to tell the truth, and handed over thirty bucks. We had to say who we were, and that we were not blood related. We also had to answer who our parents are, where they were born and where they now live. I got to use the word deceased. (yeah) With that, Dave and I were given a licence to wed. Starting today, and until January 29th, we can get married in DuPage County. Of course we will wait until the 7th of January, but how exciting is that!?! This picture is Dave with Abby, our Jack Russell, our daughter. Can you see a little bit of why I love him in this photo? I can.

Holiday reflections

Kodak makes a pretty neat camera. It is very user friendly. So much so that I did not need to read the manual to read it. The software is the same. I was able to take this picture of Megan and Rugby and turn it into a cartoon. I miss my sister. She seems to be keeping herself pretty busy in Kenosha. I seem to be keeping myself pretty busy here. It's amazing how the holidays make us think of those we miss. Megan misses Rugby, I am very sure.

Thanksgiving came and went without many tears on my part. Yesterday at work I had a flashback of Mom. That was tough, remembering her asking if this was the end, if it was time to say goodbye. I cannot forget the look in her eyes. Then I remember how she isn't here, how she won't be here; not for Christmas, not for my wedding, not ever. That is when I miss my family the most. They remind me of good, living times with Mom. They keep going, keep loving, keep living, keep Mom in their hearts. That is what Mom would want. She wants us to be happy, to live our lives to the max. To party hearty, and dance all night long. So while I am gonna miss Mom at my wedding, I want to throw a party to make her proud. I am gonna do it surrounded by everyone that I love (that can make it anyway) and dance all night long. Ok, Dave, we will leave early. If I learned one thing from my mom, its not to follow her example with everything she did. I promise we won't be the last ones at the reception.

Turkey Photograph Pallooza

Thought you would enjoy some highlights from my Thanksgiving Friday and Saturday. Dave hides behind Abby, my sister squishing Rugby, Ashley and Becky display their skills in tongue display. Guess who got a new camera? Dave and I bought this camera as a wedding gift to each other. We would like to take some pictures of the wedding and prep stuff as well as the honeymoon vacation in Sedona, Arizona.

Interestingly enough, we bought the camera right after our appointment with our wedding photographer. The last major booking of the ordeal. Yeah! Also I heard that invitations have started arriving in the mail. Phew! I guess we can start researching honeymoon activities and restaurants and maps etc. Ok, so enjoy pictures of some of my wedding party at their ?best? and enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Prepping the turkey

Getting ready for Thanksgiving usually means shopping for a turkey or a pie or side dish items. Sometimes it means making travel arrangements. Most of the time it means mentally preparing ourselves to see family that we don't always get to see. Sometimes its a good thing, sometimes its not, but family can elicit emotions most of us put away for the rest of the year.

What makes it so stressful? The past hurts we endured. The fact that we have grown up and changed and family remembers us the way we were not the way we are. Maybe its because we are around a trigger, things that set us off before that disappeared when we went off on our own. Some might say it is the mix of a large dinner, alcohol and dysfunction.

Perhaps that is why people in this day and age like the computer. We can be social without actually being with people. I sit here in my pajamas telling you about life, without having to take a shower, put on make up, or even be nice and smile. If we aren't with people, we aren't dealing with people and we can live in our own little happy bubble and not deal with things.

That is where we can start to be the turkey at Thanksgiving. This holiday is about family that you love and cherish. You get together to celebrate life, the bounty which God has provided for you. The thing to focus on is not where you were, but where you are. Forget the past, or remember it only as a benchmark. Concentrate on the good things that you have. The reason family is important is that if you don't have anything but the clothes on your back, you still have family. Now, if your family is not that way, make your own family. Family is not always about blood. To me, family is about love.

Where can I find a family that will love me irregardless of my faults and or my success? Ideally, you can find it in the Body of Christ. That's right, you can find it in church. But not the judgemental, holier than thou church. You need to find a church, a group of Christ-followers. Church seem big? Get into a small group. These people will love and support you because you are brothers and sisters in Christ. I found some awesome people where I go. While we may not be together tomorrow in person, I know we will all be praying for each other.

I am not saying I hate my family. In fact, I am very blessed to have a loving family that accepts me for who I am. I do know that I will still be dealing with hurt and pain about things going on in our lives, but I won't be the turkey. I will remember that I cannot be responsible for anyone else's feelings but my own. I will just smother everyone in love, and eat lots of stuffing.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. May it be a warm, fuzzy holiday with lots of good leftovers. May you be blessed by those around you, and a blessing to them as well. May you find lots of things to be thankful for, and try not to worry about the rest.

Oh yeah, and Mom may not be there this year in person, but she will be in spirit. Ok, wait, technically she will be there in person because my aunt has her ashes, but that is just my morbid sense of humor.

My dad gets his own webpage

I guess everyone is truly turning high tech. My dad just sent me a link for his web page. On his web page, you can view his wedding photos, and listen to some music. The best part is, the one picture I am in, you can't even make me out! Of course I chose a very non-descript picture to share publicly. Email me if you are interested in the link.
In other news, OJ did it, he finally admits it in his new book. You don't believe me? Check it out. Kudos to Sherry for cluing me in.

The one I wish I could take back

Today at work I encountered a very stubborn machine. The disk reader kept giving me errors. I would turn it off, unplug it, wait a minute, plug it back in, turn it back on, wait for it to reboot, same error. I tried this several times, with even a few minutes in between the unplugging and starting up again. Nope, the thing was stubborn. I needed to get my images onto the disk, and the disk reader just would not work. Fine, I will go to dinner, and try again later.

So later I was back, and inserted the disk. It seemed to be working. I started to load my images. Then I said a prayer "Lord, please help this stupid computer to work." Almost immediately I felt guilty. Of all the stupid selfish things, why did I have to waste my prayer energy on the stupid computer? I wish I could take it back. I wish I could have said "Lord help us find Osama Bin-Laden." Or, "Lord, please put an end to homelessness right now. So many children are suffering." Or "Lord, please help me to be less selfish." There is a gizillion things I could have prayed for more worthy than the stupid disk working in the stupid computer. Beep, it worked. Thanks Jesus.

Jesus was hungry and wanted something to eat. He noticed a fig tree, and went to go eat some figs. Jesus got upset because there were no figs on the tree, as it was too early in the season. He cursed the tree, saying "May no one ever eat your fruit again!" The next day when his disciples passed the tree, they noticed that it was withered from the roots up and died. "Then Jesus said to the disciples, 'Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, "May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea," and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything , and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours." (Mark 11:22-24 NLT (with paraphrase from 12-14 and 20-21))

So I wanted the disk and computer to work and it did. I really wish now that I had prayed with all of my heart for something worthy. Right now I will try. God, I have some people that I know and love that just really need to understand who you are. Show them your love and Glory. Let them know they can come to you. Let them know with you nothing is impossible. Let them know that only you can fix their broken hearts. Help me to show be a light for you Jesus. Help these people not be afraid of your light, your love. You are amazing and awesome God, and I would be so lost without you. Help these people to find their way back to you. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Jordan almonds are not for me

My fitting took all of 15 minutes. The lady was really nice, and my bustle will look so good when done. For those of you who know what I am talking about, it will be a french bustle. For those of you who don't, you will just have to wait and see. I then got a chance to do a little shopping for stuff. I ended up not buying much, or getting any centerpiece ideas. I can't believe how expensive unity candle stuff costs. Its just some wax! When I got home, I asked Dave and he said he didn't want the candle. Phew! I would rather spend that 40+ bucks on flowers. The candles being like 20+ and the holder for the candles being like 20+, they sure know how to put newlyweds in debt. All the favors seem so cheap, and who likes stale jordan almonds anyway? I don't know what we are going to do, but I guarantee you there will not be any stale jordan almonds.

Speaking of flowers, I have an appointment soon, better get going. Wish me luck!

Back to work, cough cough

Well, I made it back to work today. I practically lost a lung in the car on the way in. I decided that my fridge was desperately empty, so I went to the grocery store before work. That made me "work" before work. I was feeling fine when I woke up, but what I forget is as soon as I do something active my lungs cannot handle it. My first patient came and I couldn't even make it through the exam without coughing. Thank God it was a relatively slow night, and my co-workers helped me out in the OR. I could not make it some days without their compassion. Thanks to all my compassionate co-workers, I love you guys.

I love my job, I love what I do. The thing that gets me sometimes is that sometimes some people do not want anyone else to have a good night. Do you know those type of people who are miserable, so they want the rest of the world to be miserable with them? Sometimes I have to deal with people like that. Not everyday, but you would think that people would want work to be a pleasant environment... Oh, I give up. Some people never change. It is not my job to change them, only they and God can do that. I just need to learn how to deal with my frustrated emotions.

Cough, cough.

Busy day tomorrow... I have my first fitting with the seamstress for my wedding dress. Then, an appointment with the counselor for our pre-marital counseling. After that, I will head off to Alpha for dinner and a movie. Dave is going to the doctor tomorrow. I think he caught my cold, plus he still has vertigo. If he is not up for Alpha, I might not go and just spend the night resting, because I probably need it too.

Waiting not to be sick

Well, I have gotten a couple good responses so far. I really like getting responses, so please do not hesitate.

Today is a holiday. No mail. I am still waiting for the response cards and reception cards to arrive in the mail. I hate waiting. I do however like the John Mayer song, and what my church did with it. Check it out:



I also hate being sick. I do not like that my co-workers have to suffer due to my abscence. I do not like my choice of activities: view tv, sit on the computer surfing the web, sleep, talk on the phone (my voice is so screwed up). I cannot clean the house (one should never clean while full of germs). Also, not to mention that drinking plenty of fluids means plenty of trips to the bathroom.

Sorry I am not up to par today. I think its time for a nap. Do enjoy the video though, please.

Welcome to my new blog!

Welcome to the Wiener's Circle! Due to Yahoo 360 not letting strangers in, I have decided to share my life here on blogger. So welcome to all who tried to read about me before but could not. You will notice all of my old 360 blog entries titled by date published, and you can also look them up under archives. I have links to blogs that I read often and links to websites that I love on the right side of the page. If I have you listed and you want off, please email me at icanseerightthroughyou@yahoo.com. I am super excited, because anyone can comment now also. Feel free to drop me a comment!

So you are probably super curious as to how my dad's wedding went yesterday. Well, first let me preface things by stating how miserable I am. I have a horrible head cold, my nose was/is constantly running. My cousin Ross and his wife and kids came (Cindy is such a good mom!) and so did my uncle John. That is the list of all the people that I know besides the ones I came with. Everyone else was from Dad's church or his friends that I don't know. (I came with Dave, my sister Megan and my practically sister Becky.) Dad's church was nicely decorated for the fall, and the ceremony was very beautiful. It was so nice to see Dad so happy, yet hard. Yola has yet to look me in the eye. It was emotional, hearing Dad say vows to Yola that he struggled with so much with Mom. How come it was so hard for them? How come we had to suffer because of it? Lots of different emotions were dealt with. It was not easy.

I had to warm up the car while Dad said goodbye to Becky and the others, we did not stay for cake and punch. I was feeling horrible. My head would not stop being icky. Dave felt even worse. On the drive home, he had me pull over. Dave got hit with a sudden bout of vertigo in the church, and now he was nauseated. After resting at home, we decided that he was not getting any better, and we should go to the doctor. The walk-in clinic was closed, so I drove to the hospital. Luckily it was not very busy. Dave got tests, and medicine that helped him feel much better. We missed the reception. At the hospital, I had to find Candy and tell her that I was right, I did end up in the hospital after all. (I work there, remember? I told Candy that I would probably end up at the hospital anyways, even though it was my weekend off because things always work out that way for me.)

Today, we both still feel crappy. So we missed an appointment with the photographer, but rescheduled for next Friday. Oh, and we also have the extra dogs for the weekend to help Dad out. They go home Monday. Hopefully Dave will feel better by then so he can work, and well also its not fun to be sick. And me, I hope I feel better too. If I don't show up to work Monday, don't be surprised.

Tuesday, November 7, 2007

My aunt and I find my wedding dress

Well, I went off to a town my aunt and I call lizzle, which is actually Lisle (pronounced lyle) to shop for a wedding dress. We found one. It appears it was there waiting for me. Next wednesday I go in to meet the seamstress to do a fitting (alterations will cost half of what the dress costs).

Afterwards, I bought myself a foundational undergarment and we hit the outlet store. I found two pairs of jeans at quite the steal, and a couple tops. One jean is soooo comfy, but is has the letter N embroidered on the pocket. My question is, who embroiders their jeans? I suppose if your sister kept borrowing stuff without asking, maybe. So, I decided that N stands for "no".

No, I did not vote today. Mostly because I wanted to show politicians how much I don't care for their ads and phone calls. Also because it is hard for me to choose between tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee. Really, they both are bad choices, I do not want to elect either of them.

Rudy Guiliani, please don't ever call me at 9:30 am again!

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Dad's gonna get hitched... again.

How can I maintain any semblence of peace over this? Dad's wedding is Saturday! Simple, by the GRACE OF GOD.

God doesn't ask us to judge others, he asks us to love others, and leave the judging up to Him. That seems really hard sometimes, but I have to have faith in this, God has always been faithful so far. He is the One who will never let me down. I have a perfect Father in God, I can just love my imperfect, human father just the way he is.

It took me a while to get to this, but my sister and I had a great talk, and once again she reminded me how she pulled me out of the sea of loneliness, so we can be a family together again. I will never again be alone here on earth, and I also have a place secured in Heaven. Pretty neat if you ask me.

God gave me a new life, he forgave me my sins. How can I not forgive others who have hurt me in the past? I am on a quest to know Him more and more each day. Every time He reveals a bit of Himself to me I am totally amazed. Everytime I follow His heart and do His will, my soul is afire. I can do nothing but praise Him for the past year of growth in my life, and I am confident that He is my Savior, my Dragon-slayer. Through Jesus, nothing is impossible.

So, in a wierd way, I am looking forward to a celebration of His love in my father's new marraige. I pray that all intentions are good, and hearts won't be broken... but it is not in my hands anymore. Thank you Christ.

Friday, November 3, 2006

My new sister-in-law-to-be has a thing for bees

If any of you know me, you know my phobia. Bees. Wasps, yellow and black buzzing things that sting, whatever you call them. I hate bees. Kelly, Dave's sister, loves bees. She bought her dog this costume. Of course, she had to put it on to show to me when I was out on Wednesday. On the dog, not herself. This picture isn't Kel's dog, but you get the idea. Kelly has two seperate bee tatoos. That is how much she loves bees.

Other than that, we get along great. I have to admit, I dressed up as a spelling bee one year for halloween. (Bee costume plus dictionary equals... get it now?) Anyway we really hit it off, I tried on gowns for the wedding, she tried to bust me, but I don't play into that. Then we went out for pizza. Finally someone I can order a pizza with! We both had salads and pizza, then talked about a lot of stuff, and even woman stuff. We even both busted on Dave for picking bow ties, but we set him straight. Its an ascot, not a regular tie... who leaves fashion to straight guys anyway?

I came home feeling good. I am not just getting a husband, but a whole family. A new mom, dad, brother, and something I always wanted... an older sister. Don't worry Dave, we are not in on a mega conspiracy against you. We just bonded, and that should make you feel good. I feel great being loved by his family, and not just him. Thank you, thank you Dave for giving me love, as well as another family I can settle into. Bees and all.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Details work themselves out

Well, this weekend was busy. Dave and I did lots and lots of wedding stuff. We decided we want the chapel, booked a hall, and registered at two stores. Kohl's and Target. I also attended a Bridal Show and got to see more stuff NOT to spend my money on. No limo, no bathroom attendants at the Legion Hall... sorry. Yes, the reception will be at the Legion Hall. Interested in details? Here is our Knot webpage. I update it as often as I know stuff. Now I have to go get a dress. Wish me luck. Dave's sis and I go on Wednesday!

Friday, October 27, 2006

Sometimes I feel so small

I had so many crazy things happen yesterday, including finding out that mom did not have her autopsy like we asked. Horrible, huh? Too bad she's creamated!

This is when I feel so small, helpless, and totally out of control, like the kitten in the picture. This is when I have to trust that God, the german shepard, is just loving me and cleaning me, not eating me.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

The craziest costume ever

Some people truly enjoy dressing up their dogs. Take this poor pup who ends up looking eerily like an oompa loompa. I got this from a halloween costume contest email forward. Poor puppy.

I have been busy doing... well not much. It feels like all I get done is work and sleep and work and my house is a mess. I swear Abby and Phoebe are in a conspiracy to grow their own puppies and kittens from their sheddings. I found a small cat just behind the corner of my dresser this afternoon.

Actually, I have made plans to do stuff like dress shop for the wedding. Dave and I are anxiously awaiting a call from Carter to see if Montgomery is available. The theme at our house is "Get Carter!" Of course campus pastors are quite busy, and we are hoping to hear from him tommorow. I would like to order invitations soon. I suppose I could go buy the stamps....

Well, in the meantime, whittle out my invitation list. Note to people not sure they are coming to my wedding: stay on my good side these next few weeks.

Believe it or not, I look forward the most to buying and using a fancy schmancy pen to write addresses on envelopes with. Should I get blue or black ink?

Dad actually wrote me a check today, so I guess that means that his name goes on the invitation? What suprised me the most is that he thought I was going to ask for more money than I did. I really think I can pull this off with the budget I set, I pray that I can.

Did you see how expensive wedding dresses are? Good thing catering comes at cost (Thanks Kell!) and mom is making the cake (thanks Linda!) and Rob has a place in Sedona, his parents want to take us there for our honeymoon (thanks Dave, Linda, Rob!) Too bad I don't know a dressmaker... or a florist... or a videographer...

I think I will end up wearing tennis shoes to my wedding. If my dress is long enough, no one will see it. I have very bad feet, and heels make them even worse.

Maybe the craziest costume ever is a wedding dress with tennis shoes, not a dog as an oompa loompa!

Friday, October 20, 2006

In less than three months...

I am so in love. I love Dave more today than yesterday, and I cannot wait to feel how much I love him tommorow. I really can't wait to see how I feel on January 7th. Yes, we picked a date!

Ok that leaves me with... no time! Good, just the way I want it! Dave and I want to be married. We are ready. We already feel like husband and wife, we just want to make it official and have a party.

Dave's sister is a caterer, his mom is on the cake. We are hoping to secure our church (well, Montgomery campus) so I hope it is available.

tee...hee... I feel like a little girl, all aburst with excitement.

Now, I have to go spend my time looking for wedding stuff online.

follow up, no go at Montgomery

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

An announcement...

I thought that 3 dogs would keep me busy. I was wrong. No, I don't have a gazillion dogs, still just the one (and the cat that sometimes thinks she is a dog.)

On top of being busy with work, I actually have been busy with friends, and family, and stuff. Dave got a new car, a new job, and proposed to me this week. He was pretty busy too.

With his new job, we are going to try to adjust our schedule to be more day friendly, so dont expect me to stay up so late anymore!

So yes, we are engaged. The date is set for xx, pending our meeting with the pastor tommorow. Dave will get the rock once he has saved up, seeing as he just started his new job... I am starting a pool, and betting around Christmas or my birthday. But, it will be a suprise. I am excited, as is Dave. We already have the bridal party picked out, so if you haven't heard from us yet, sorry!

Hope all is good with all of you. I also got some bad news this weekend. It seems as if YOLA has tricked my dad into agreeing to marry her. They plan on marrying next month so that she can stay in the country. Lets hope she doesnt use him and steal all his money and stuff and leave him.

But back to the good stuff...
Our friend Mandy took Dave and me out to see a movie Saturday night after church. We saw THE DEPARTED and if you have any itching to see it, go... you will not be dissapointed. Finally a good 2 1/2 hour movie that doesn't feel like 4 hours. A performance by Jack Nicholson you cannot miss. Marky Mark Whalberg proves yet again that he can act. Matt Damon proves he hasn't forgotten his south Boston accent, and can act. Leonardo DiCaprio redeems himself after the whole Titanic fiasco. Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, and if that doesn't convince you the movie is directed by Martin Scorcese. Best movie I have seen in a long time. Be prepared for violence. In the meantime, I have to try not to say the F word so much, and I was doing so well and this movie brought it back.

Oh yeah, and I'm engaged! Sorry if the photo is misleading... I am not pregnant, just wanted to emphasize how busy I felt this week.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

I've been neglecting the computer

Just wanted to let you know that it has been a busy week.

Sunday, October 8, 2006

Here's to new friendships, new begginings

Yesterday, Dave and I helped a friend move in to her new apartment.

Have you ever seen someone and felt a pull to them right away? That is how I felt the first second I saw Mandy, even before I met her. Somehow, I was given the courage to open my heart to her when she needed it. Okay, that was God. Mandy needed some things, long story short, and I had them. Both of us are now enjoying having comforts of home. My new stuff that Mom gave me for Christmas was just sitting in a box, not anymore. Now I eat off my Fiestaware plates, and Mandy has my old ones for now. I am so glad that I didn't just toss that stuff in the garbage like so many people do.

God has shown me my heart for ministry in all of this, and it feels really really good. I cannot wait to get involved more and do more things like this. It was Mom's too. She was homeless for a while. She almost got divorced and lived on her own wits. I almost had to do the same. I was saved by her good grace, and the grace of God. I want to do that for others. I want to help people who feel hopeless find hope. It is great that Mandy came and reached out to the Body of Christ for help, because I got to see it in action. God is so awesome right now, I cannot wait to sing His praises!

Everything seems to be starting new, and its fall!?!?! Dave is blossoming in Christ! I feel like God is doing amazing work in my life. I am able to go on because of Him. Thank you Jesus!

Too much to write here, and I have got to get ready for church! TTFN!

Thursday, October 5, 2006

Strrrrrreeeettttcchhhhhh!!!

Recently I have been attacked by my shoulder. My shoulder has taken me hostage. Yesterday I woke up and could not turn my head to the right, and had a lot of pain in my shoulder and upperback. Actually, if I remember properly it started the night before, but my memory is dulled by pain medicine. Part of the joy of fibromyalgia. Actually I prefer to call my problem "Shelley-itis" because whatever is going on seems to be something I cannot find in books (or on google.) I think this problem stemmed from me picking up knitting again. Repetative motion is not my friend. I thought I was getting better, but man I clamped up and was spazzing and trying to do anything hurt. I had Dave drive. After dinner I ended up falling asleep. I woke up better, not 100 percent, but better. I love driving around town at 2:30 am doing errands. In the meantime, I will try not to push myself, and stretch, stretch ,stretch.

Happy Birthday Becky (October 2) and Ashley (October 6) this week! My homegirls Bob and Silent Jay.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

This much, at least, I've figured out. I know this much is true.

"I am not a smart man, particularly, but one day, at long last, I stumbled from the dark woods of my own, and my family's, and my country's past, holding in my hands these truths: that love grows from the rich loam of forgiveness; that mongrels make good dogs; that the evidence of God exists in the roundness of things.
This much, at least, I've figured out. I know this much is true."

Wally Lamb has this terrific book "I know this much is true."

I finished reading it the other day, and just knew I had to blog on it. First of all, the thing that drew me to it was the fact that it was 897 pages long. I was in the library, and it called to me. Something on the back read "non-stop reading" so I took it home. The back cover did not lie. I was drawn into the life of Dominick. I related so much to him, not on an equal level, but the writing was such that I could have been him. I have to defend myself, I am not an Oprah fan, but she reccomends this book, its part of her book club. I have on occasion been lead astray by Oprah, but not this time. Not that Oprah influenced the picking out of the book, I only saw the giant "O" when I was checking out at the library.

When I was going through Mom's stuff, I ran into a sheet of paper that is probably one of the best things ever. Its written on a square note page from some bank that probably doesn't exist anymore.

1Peter 1:18 God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors... HE DID THIS FOR YOU!

Every day, God proves how big He is... bigger than I can conceive. He gives me the strength to overcome the empty life I inherited, and walk into the loving arms of the Unchanging One... the One that does not break promises, the One that gives me GRACE and TRUTH to get me through this life into eternity with HIM. Into the loving arms of Christ.

This much, at least, I've figured out. I know this much is true.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Let sleeping polor bears lie...

Found this photo hilarious! Had to share.

Day off, got the oil changed (in my car, still need to change the oil in my squeeky shoulder) ate a quick dinner with dad and YOLA and Dave. Yola cooked, she probably didn't mean to make Dave ill, but she did. See, Dave is allergic to mushrooms, and he started eating his stuffed piece of meat before he saw them. He stopped, but it was too late and we had to stop at Walgreens for Benadryl. Were headed elsewhere than home. It was good, but I was not sure exactly what type of meat it was. It was pan fried and breaded and had lots of flavors, so I was able to eat it. Quite the opposite with Dave. And he was so polite, could not even tell her that he couldn't eat it.
They just got back from this great trip parts of the western US I never got to see, nor probably ever will. Its also the trip mom wanted him to take her on. Not that it was possible for him to do it, but dammit man, show some respect.

On a good note, finally got to watch Grey's and ER and Earl and Desperate Housewives. Did she really shoot her husband? I can't believe Abby had to have a hysterectomy, although I saw it coming since the season finale last time. I just love Abby so much. And I could lay on the floor next to Izzy all night... Crying is good, helps me in the mourning process. I have to feel to heal, I truly feel that way.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Last of the Dogsitters

Pictured above is Shadow, the Keishound, and Tottie, the Alaskan Eskimo. Oh yeah, my aunt and cousin too, but they aren't the point.

Last night I spent the night dogsitting for them. That's right, with 3 dogs at my house, I left and went to care for 2 more. My aunt and family headed off to a wedding in Michigan (they are home safely) thus needing someone to care for their 2 fuzzy pups. That's where I come in. I am the last option. I am the only option. I am the last of the dogsitters.

How many people do you know would leave their own doggie and bed to go to some other doggies and bed? Well I did. Shadow and I go way back, to when I was struggling with my life so much, and it was a treat to dogsit for him and his older, now passed buddy Woody. I got to have a house all to myself, a free frozen pizza and the best dogs ever. Tottie is the world's cutest dog, and don't you dare say otherwise to her, she won't have it. You will definitely change your mind after rubbing the heart shaped spot on her belly.

So, it was hectic in that I had to spend the night in a different bed, and hurry up, getting to church a few minutes late, again. I had only a few minutes to say goodbye to Daisy and Rugby today as well. Dad came home and picked them up while I was at work.

It is kinda sad, but after a dog overload, I am happy to hang up my dogsitter hat and just cuddle with my two OWN muffins, Abby and Phoebe. Dave also mentions that he appreciates the lack of spagetti noodles worth of leashes and the room to move his legs on the bed once again.

On that note, I am going to give my own pets some attention.

And Robin, I think you look nice in this picture, you are not a beet, I love you.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Continued Adventures

Dad sends me photos from his trip. Continued glimpses into his vacation.

I asked him in a text message when he was returning, he just said he was leaving soon. Not many details, I suppose he is waiting until his return to fill me in on what all of his pictures are, and what he liked.

Mom used to tell me what was going on in her life. You know, what town she went to with whom, what restaurant they ate at and if they had anything good. I got highlights, and even some details. She would even let me know if they went somewhere else and what happened. With Dad, its text messages saying "XXX OOO DAD" No conversations, no complete sentences with any real info.

In the Bible, even Paul would say hi from certain people and talk about important stuff to whomever he was writing. I guess what I am trying to say is that Dad is not a good communicator.

When we he come back? Today? Sunday? Monday? The world may never know... until he shows up!

Friday, September 22, 2006

A Map of the World

Thanks to my public library, I have an outstanding amount of resources at my fingertips. I just checked out three paperback novels and finished the first one in two days. A Map of the World by Jane Hamilton. I had read her The Book of Ruth a few years ago and remembered how much I enjoyed it.

The book deals with the death of a child, marraige, friendship, false accusations, prison, and Racine.

Sometimes I find a book makes me feel better, that my life could always be worse... or make a best seller one day.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Dad treks across the US

Thought that you all would get a kick out of my dad on vacation. Here he is at Little Big Horn in Montana. Site of Custer's Last Stand. He is posing in his biking gear near the marker for where a Native American warrior fell. As you can tell, he is still the dork he always was. Dad and YOLA biked a 5 mile course, thus the biking gear.

I remember when my family went out there years ago. It was one of the best trips I ever took. Even though all you see is a field, my imagination was spiked. Still I carry this torch inside me for history (despite failing as a history major.) Dave and I toured many Civil War battlegrouds last October. (My personal favorite being Cold Harbor- you can feel the loss of life still in the earth, overwhelming and spectacular all at once. I cried, of course.)

The more I found out about Custer, the more I felt sorry for him. He did some great things in the Civil War, but then he had to go out west and take care of the injun problem. Almost wished that he could have died as a hero of the Civil War, instead of the killer of indians.

I may not see the Big Picture about all this. I know God has plans that exceed even our greatest expectations. It still hurts. I know He is strongest in my weakness, so I wipe away the tears.

On a brighter note, New Fall Season on TV kicks off tommorow!Here is what I am taping, for all of your inquiring minds!

Tuesday- House on Fox and Boston Legal on ABC

Wednesday- Justice on Fox (new show, checkin it out)

Thursday- My Name is Earl on NBC, Grey's Anatomy on ABC, ER on NBC

Sunday- Desperate Housewives on ABC followed by Brothers and Sisters, a new show I am not sure if I will like but its easy enough to tape.

Have a great week!

follow up... Brothers and Sisters was a nap... haven't been taping Boston Legal

DOH!

I forgot to hit a little button on my remote, and will not be taping my shows tonight! So sad!

Tuesday September 19, 2006

Monday, September 18, 2006

Feeling useless?

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...

Noah was a drunk Abraham was too old Isaac was a daydreamer Jacob was a liar Leah was ugly Joseph was abused Moses had a stuttering problem Gideon was afraid Samson had long hair and was a womanizer Rahab was a prostitute Jeremiah and Timothy were too young David had an affair and was a murderer Elijah was suicidal Isaiah preached naked Jonah ran from God Naomi was a widow Job went bankrupt Peter denied Christ The Disciples fell asleep while praying Martha worried about everything Mary Magdalene was possessed by 8 demons The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once Zaccheus was too small Paul was too religious Timothy had an ulcer..AND Lazarus was dead!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

My sister came to visit! Yeah!

Today was quite a day. Emotional to say the least. Megan called and woke me up at like 11am. Now if you know me, that is like the earliest I get up. So, being glad that I took a shower last night, I agreed to meet them for brunch ASAP. Megan, my cousin Ashley, and my Aunt Robin all arrived at Butterfield's Restaurant much later than me. (Well it felt like it when I just got up and started drinking coffee only after arriving at the restaurant.)

Breakfast was had by all. It was terrific, and I highly reccomend the joint. If you like smooties, you haven't lived until you have had one from Butterfield's. Mom used to have a smootie and bowl of soup for a meal. Favorite location. Anyways...

After our meal, we went to do something I could not do alone. Go through a lot of Mom's stuff. Who wants what, what is this, what can we move where for the meantime, this should go to so-and-so, etc. Mom chose me to be executor of her estate, but there was no way I was going to go through all that stuff alone. We barely got through her room, and a lot is still left, but we got condensed to one closet for now, mostly. We haven't even touched the basement stuff. It was quite emotional. So many tears. Becky showed up too. Dave was resident dog wrangler and car loader. Becky and Dave were mom's special elves, and became part of the family throughout the whole ordeal.

Time went by way too fast, and before we knew it Megan and Becky had to go. We took the time to say a prayer, praise to the Lord for where we are, and hope for our future.

Thank God for church! Dave and I would have been so down if it wasn't for the great folks at CCC.

Ok, gotta run the dogs down. Such is my life!

Friday, September 15, 2006

The cat is getting used to it- kinda

When I brought Phoebe home, it was just her and me. Then one day Dave came and brought this thing called a dog. Abby and Phoebe gradually grew to love each other. It took time. Now with three dogs in the house, she was mad at me. Its been 5 days, and things are getting settled down. The cat is coming out of hiding less, and being more bold. Hopefully they will all continue to get along until Dad returns from his little trip... I think the dogs all really enjoy it, but sadly Dave and I could not deal with this long term. We both love them all to death, but 3 dogs with no yard is not easy. Especially poor Dave when I am at work has to walk them all by himself.

Just so you know, that is not my cat above, but some random internet cat. Feel free to look at my yahoo photos and profile photos for pics of Phoebe (cat) and Abby(dog). I believe Daisy and Rugby are somewhere in my Yahoo! photos too!

Oh, and PS, the depression has gotten much better today.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Pain

Sometimes you have to absorb the pain. I have been feeling it radiate into me, from me, and all around me.

Maybe its the dogs being around, and the memories of Mom.

Maybe its the fact that I could so go on Jerry Springer right now and confront my daddy.

The pain is constant. I would describe it as a dull ache underneath my breastbone that goes up and down my spine and through all my bones and around my face. Mostly it resides in my heart. On occasion it wells up behind my eyes and oozes out as tears. When that happens, I feel as if my very soul aches.

Jesus knew pain. He knew hurt. His chosen people were to bring him to execution. Jesus said "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death." (Mark 14:34) In fact, he was so anguished that according to Luke, he sweat so profusely it was like blood falling to the ground.

My Savior knew my pain, he understood. Infact, I think his suffering must have been worse than mine. He took all of the world's sins, all the world's pain, and left it at Cavalry.

God could have just left it there, but no, he sent us a comforter in the Holy Spirit. When I am in pain, it is so hard to remember that I have the Holy Spirit with me always. I'll just keep praying, try to let Him wrap His loving arms around me.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Its a zoo at my house

See these dogs? They are my Dad's dogs. Since Dad is on vacation, I have these two, plus my own Jack Russell and a cat and a hamster and a boyfriend. Its a zoo.

Daisy is the Bishon. She is sweet, adopted with some health issues by my parents, she battles obesity and diabetes. We have to feed her a special diet and give her a shot after she eats. Then we get to test her urine. That's right, Dave or I get to hold a tiny strip under her and hope we get pee on it. Sounds like fun, huh? She is a sweetheart, though, and I would not trade her for the world.

Rugby is a Lhasa Peke, one of those designer mutts. He looks like an ewok to me. He is the only boy dog, and has the energy of a puppy still. Sometimes we call him the flying squirrel. You would get it if you saw him in action.

Abby, the Jack Russell, came with Dave. She may be 8, but she is a Jack Russell, which means hyperactive.

So Abby and Rugby run around while Daisy either lays and watches, or tries to keep up.

Poor Phoebe (the cat) is keeping up and out of the way most of the time. She thinks Rugby wants to eat her. Rugby probably just wants to play, like the crazy boy dog he is.

On my desk is a picture of Tony Shaloub, Emmy winner. My friend Betty snapped it on the red carpet at the Emmys and gave me a copy! He actually turned to wave at her despite the "no camera" rule. Way to go Tony! Special thanks to Betty for giving me one of her treasures. New episodes of Monk return January. Now why I put Tony Shaloub in with the zoo article? Monk(ey) maybe?

Oh, the hamster. He is probably the best behaved of them all, and he is the one who isn't fixed!

Friday, September 8, 2006

More evidence that the Almighty answers prayers

I hate to admit it, but my finances are not in tip-top shape right now. I know that when I write my check to the church to tithe, I could be paying other bills off. But it is that important to me to give my firstfruits to God. I sign my check saying "Ok God, I trust you, you will provide... Jehovah Jireh!" I get to the last few bills and realize not only is the account dwindeling, but so are the number of checks I have, and that means spending money to order checks. I decide who can wait until I get more checks (please no emails about e-pay and online banking stuff, I like writing checks.) After a trip to the grocery store, it turns out I was also deciding who will wait to get paid. I picked the bill with the latest due date, so it still is not yet late.

Upon arrival at work - good news! We will be getting bonus checks tommorow! Yipee! How many times have I been short recently and I turn and say "God, I know that somehow, you will come through for me" and he has? I cannot count.

God has come through for me daily, sometimes several times a day. Sometimes it is just in a hug or smile from the right person at the right time. God answers my prayers in wierd ways, His ways. His path is right and I trust him to guide me. I was reading in Proverbs and found this verse so appropriate: "The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?" (Ch20 V24 NLT)What this means to me is that I should not have to worry or dig too deep when I do not understand what is going on in my life, but trust that the Lord is with me, directing me, leading me to His purpose.

The greatest lesson I have learned is that something horrible happening can end up being one of the most wonderful things to happen. My mom got really sick and died. I came back to God, so did Becky and Dave. I was able to heal wounds with my mom, and she was able to heal a lot of her own. I was able to get closer to my sister than ever possible. This has all lead to new things in my life, new outlook on everything. I have personally experienced the ressurection power of Christ Jesus that Paul talks about in Philipians 3:10-11. (Shout out to Alpha II classmates!)

I was in counceling. I have not had to go back. God has met all of my needs. Why? Because I have a personal relationship with him, and I surrendered myself to HIS will. I encourage you to call upon the LORD, take your broken heart to him to heal. Psalm 17 verse 6-7 NLT reads "I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways.By your mighty power you rescue those who seek refuge..."

Oh yes, and it may seem when you pray that God is "out to lunch" or doesn't care about your prayers. Know that His timing is perfect, and while you may want it NOW, God knows what you need, when you need it. Sometimes "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you'll find, you get what you need" to quote the Rolling Stones.

I cannot praise Him and thank Him enough. God, you are so awesome.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

One vacation ends, one begins

Last day of my "vacation." Where did I go? Hmm, I was adventurous and went as far as Naperville, Davis Junction, Sublette, Rochelle and Elkhorn Wisconsin. Does it count as vacation if I visit the Employee Health doctor? Well I did, and got cleared to work with no restrictions. That should make my boss and co-workers happy. I will blog about my day with God, but I have to get those pictures uploaded to the computer. Instead, I will treat you to something amazing about my evening.

After visiting the doctor, and my appointment with God, I went to my dad's house. There I mostly went through her pictures on her computer and uploaded them to my Yahoo photos account. Dave and I walked Daisy and Rugby then went home to wash up. We actually went out for dinner with Dad and YOLA. That would be the woman he is dating. (She is not pictured above, that would be my mom... oh and Daisy is in the photo too. The guy would be Dad.)

I never thought that I would be sitting across the table from Dad and another woman. I am still not sure how I feel about it. The big accomplishment here is that I did it. I survived! I did not come home bawling or upset. I am just letting it all soak in. On Saturday, Dad is leaving for a 2 week vacation ... with YOLA to tour some of the US. Yola is originally from Poland. She was the woman we hired to help us care for Mom near the end.

If you seem lost, refer to my previous posts.

I feel like shrugging. It drove me nuts when its all Mom could do, but it is how I feel, and now I understand.

Should have plenty adventures in the next few weeks with 2 additional dogs in the house. That makes the grand total 3 dogs, 1 cat, 1 hamster, 1 boyfriend (HA HA HA HA HA!) Good news is I can drop off the extra dogs when I am not home at Papa's house. We made him a grandfather because they are my only children so far.

In the meantime, remind me to upload my palm photos and then maybe I can take more! The party is just getting started!

I told YOLA to make Dad check in with me from time to time. Someone has to. She might be good for something...

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

The courage to heal

God is amazing. You pray to him with all of your heart I promise you He will answer. He may not answer the way you want it, but the answer ends up being the best thing ever for you.

I have seen it myself in so many wierd ways.

Right now, God is giving me courage to heal. Courage to forgive, courage to go on...

Some days I don't know how I will make it through, but I know that I will because of God. He always comes through, His way, His time. His healing is the best healing there is.

Thank you God, for being my perfect Father, my perfect healer... my Savior. Your bandages are the best.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Like sands through the hourglass...

Ever feel like you live in a soap opera? Sometimes I do, especially when at work, and everything is such a personal drama. So and so thinks this guy hates her but this guy was over it way a long time ago, then again so and so still holds grudges against um, well, almost everyone. Who is pregnant, who is getting divorced, who is sleeping with who, who is mad with who...

Try this story on for size: your mom just passed away, you find out your dad is dating the person he hired to care for her and is absolutely doing great while everyone else is upset and crying and suffering. Looking at past episodes, you realize that your father's mother was the nanny in the past that married your grandfather after his first wife passed away. Like father like son, right?

I figure that I could fit myself inside a soap opera very easily, all except the terrifically rich family part. All I need is cheesy music and lots of commercials about diapers and feminine itching.

So how do we overcome the drama? The theme says "like sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives." This means to me that the days in our lives are numbered and we need to take advantage of them while we have the chance, before they slip away. So many times in soaps I see people holding grudges and keeping secrets. This has to stop. In order to go on with our lives and enjoy them before they slip away, we need to be honest and forgiving.

Honest I can do. Ok, I lied. I have a hard time being honest with my father. I cannot straight out tell him how much his relationship hurts me. I cannot call him and say to him "Dad, I cry every day because of you." Its not just him dating, its him dating HER and his whole attitude about how great life is, and how disrespectful he is to my mom and her memory and their daughters. I have told my father he breaks my heart, but I honestly do not think he "gets it." I know men are dense, but maybe he does get it and doesn't care. Even my sister is hurting. We feel stuck. We do not know how to tell our father to grow up and realize what he is doing. Then there is the fact that he never calls unless he needs something or is told he should.

Maybe its us. Maybe we are crossing boundaries by feeling this way, taking ownership of what is not ours to own. I get so confused. Is it wrong for us to feel this way? My head spins.

Then there is forgiveness. Every single day I pray for help forgiving. I understand the concept beyond booksmarts. I could research forgiveness to the ends of the earth, it does not make it any easier to do. Forgiveness does not mean "it is ok that you hurt me," it just means "I am not going to let it hurt me anymore." That is the short version. How can I see through all the hurt? This is the part I am stuck at.

My heart is so heavy, and I still mourn my mom. Perhaps that is why I can't stand up, I'm still down.

The only one who can heal me is God. He is the only perfect One who will never dissapoint me. I am broken for Him. Please God, I pray, help me pick up the pieces. You have brought me here, I have accepted your Son, your Spirit. Show me the next step towards YOU. You are faithful, You are the Lord. Life giver, Heart mender, only your peace can fix my heart. In Jesus name, Amen.

Hey, interested in reading more about forgiveness? Check out Janus's blog, he wrote a heart wrencher.

Monday, August 28, 2006

A time for rest

God sometimes has plans that you don't know about.

For a month or so, I have been having night sweats. The last two weeks, pain in my left lower abdomen has been bugging me. I went to the doctor on Thursday (finally). CT scan normal, but white blood cells are up. Diverticulitis by clinical diagnosis. No, I am not proud to broadcast my colon is inflamed to the world, but it is part of my story.

I was trying to avoid the ER. I work in a hospital, the last thing I want to do is go there in the middle of the night and hang out in a cart getting asked several times when my last menstrual period was. Everytime people ask me what is wrong, I wish they would tell me exactly how much they need to know. Obviously the doctor needs to know the most, but quite often the nurse does too, because they prep the doctor for you. It gets confusing to me whom I tell what. Oh great, I am rambling here.

I wasn't feeling the best on Sunday. I hit the snooze several times. In fact, I almost did not go to church. I was tired, really tired. The sermon was on burnout... interestingly enough. I had this nagging feeling that I should have called in to work, but I also had guilt nagging me. I could not leave my co-workers stranded if it was busy.

I decided to go in to work. My partner hardly got any sleep and almost called in himself. He knew, however, that I was sick and was okay if I went home early (I hope). I had every intention of trying to stick it out to the end because it just did not seem fair for me to go home.

Needless to say, God had other plans. Who knew they would involve a heavy patient? This lady was not just heavy, she was dead weight. No, not dead, just the type of weight like when you go to pick up your cat and it weighs 500 pounds. I had help, but it was not enough, and my mid-left back spasmed. It hurt. An hour later it still hurt. I decided I had better take care of it. ER visit and long story later, I will be off work and icing my back for a few days. I guess I have no choice but to rest.

I pray that I take the most advantage of this time to heal. Which means that I need to get off the computer...

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

They stole my song!

I thought I was the only one to steal the song. I think they stole it. Who? Nike. See the pretty women at the Nike website. So who is this pretty woman? Maria Sharapova from Russia. I first became aware of the theft of my song while watching the USA Network. They show the US Open, and have been running some pretty good ads, including the "I feel pretty" commercial and the one with the "Black Horse and Cherry Tree" song which makes me have "woo-hoo" stuck in my head all day.

So, it turns out that Nike has a whole line of "I feel pretty" clothing. As if the cute little white skirt wasn't enough, Nike makes $50 skirts smaller than my bra. Sad.

At least I got to watch an episode of Law and Order.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Wonderwall by Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

I am known to correct people quite often, it is one of my weaknesses. Way back a long time ago, at a job far far away, I earned the nickname Wonderwall. It happened because this guy was singing the song, and he kept screwing up the lyrics. I had to correct him. Ever since then I would walk into work and he would start singing to me. Ah, youth.

I don't know what caused me to think of this, but I just googled the lyrics. (Could it be googling words to a musical I haven't seen since 6th grade?)

It is amazing how we all need a Savior. It is ingrained into our blood, our genes. How else could Superman still be so popular? Wouldn't you like it if someone came and destroyed Osama Bin Laden? I can just see Superman now flying over the mountains in Afghanistan...

Jesus is exactly the Savior that is ingrained in our blood. From the beggining of time, it was God's plan for us. 2Timothy chapter 1:

9It is God who saved us and chose us to live a holy life. He did this not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan long before the world began--to show his love and kindness to us through Christ Jesus.

10And now he has made all of this plain to us by the coming of Christ Jesus, our Savior, who broke the power of death and showed us the way to everlasting life through the Good News. So if you ever feel like you want Superman to come by, pray to God. Only Jesus can fill the void in us and save us. From Romans 3: 22We are made right in God's sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done. 23For all have sinned; all fall short of God's glorious standard. 24Yet now God in his gracious kindness declares us not guilty. He has done this through Christ Jesus, who has freed us by taking away our sins. 25For God sent Jesus to take the punishment for our sins and to satisfy God's anger against us. We are made right with God when we believe that Jesus shed his blood, sacrificing his life for us. God was being entirely fair and just when he did not punish those who sinned in former times. 26And he is entirely fair and just in this present time when he declares sinners to be right in his sight because they believe in Jesus.

Sounds pretty good eh? I know I have a superhero in my life. Thank you Christ Jesus, my Wonderwall.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I feel pretty, oh so pretty...

I am not the type of person to wear makeup and do my hair and nails every day. I shower and wear deodorant and perfume, but looks have not always been my priority.

I have a really good reason for never doing my nails. I bite them. Yes, I have a horrible habit of chewing them off until they are up to the nail bed. Everytime I wear nail polish, I tend to feel like Frankenstein's monster. I do like painting my toes. For several years it has been my "hidden" beautification thing that I do just for me. Of course in the summer, when I wear sandals, people see them. I like to see my toes all pretty when I look at them in the shower or bath. Several times I have attempted to pain my fingernails, only to get frustrated and erase my many attempts with polish remover.

Yesterday at the store, I saw some polish for half off, so I indulged and got this sparkly pink color. I cleared off the heavy burgandy from my toes and gave it a whirl. Wow, this is not as heavy as I thought. So I decided to try it on my fingers, half expecting to not like it. But I did. Two coats and my fingers still look good.

I never thought that I would be able to wear nail polish, especially to work. Here I am. The thing that prompted me to write this, however, is that I cannot stop looking at my nails. The sparkling catches my eyes, yes, but it is more than that. This pink goes so naturally with my body color, that I do not look eccentric in anyway. Who knows how this goes, but maybe I can stop biting my nails. That would be a miracle, I have bitten them my whole life and tried everything to quit.

Maybe the sparkles hide imperfections in the polish that would normally distract me and cause me to eradicate any evidence at my attempt. Maybe I am just growing up and getting better. Maybe the shade is more forgiving with errors. Who knows.

I feel really giddy and schoolgirlish. I think it is hilarious that nail polish can do this to me. I like feeling pretty. Honestly I would do my hair and make up if I had more time and it wouldn't get all ruined with my job.

Mom was not a big makeup person. She wore makeup only once that I ever remember, to a ball or some fancy outing that parents do and kids don't understand. I learned to do my make up from her sister, my wonderful Aunt Robin. I also remember when "Auntie" Chrissy used to doll me up in make up and paint my nails. I loved it.

My question I find myself pondering is: why do I feel that need to be dolled up and pretty when I am loved by Dave and others just the way I am? Why do I like sparkles and glitter and makeup? If you have any opinions, please post a comment.

In the meantime, I feel like Jack Nicholson in Anger Management. Sing if you know the words, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and whitty and bright...."

Lyrics: I Feel Pretty

Please see previous blog entry...

I Feel Pretty
Music by Leonard Bernstein and Words by Stephen Sondheim
from the musical West Side Story

(Maria) I feel pretty Oh so pretty I feel pretty and witty and gay And I pity Any girl who isn't me today I feel charming Oh so charming It's alarming how charming I feel And so pretty That I hardly can believe I'm real See the pretty girl in that mirror there Who can that attractive girl be? Such a pretty face Such a pretty dress Such a pretty smile Such a pretty me! I feel stunning And entrancing Feel like running and dancing for joy For I'm loved By a pretty wonderful boy! (Girls) Have you met my good friend Maria The craziest girl on the block? You'll know her the minute you see her She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock She thinks she's in love She thinks she's in Spain She isn't in love She's merely insane It must be the heat Or some rare disease Or too much to eat Or maybe it's weed Keep away from her Send for Chino! This is not the Maria we know! Modest and pure Polite and refined Well-bred and mature And out of her mind! Miss America! Speech! Speech! (Maria) I feel pretty Oh so pretty That the city should give me its key A committee Should be organized to honor me I feel dizzy I feel sunny I feel fizzy and funny and fine And so pretty Miss America can just resign! (Girls) See the pretty girl in that mirror there What mirror where? Who can that attractive girl be? (Which? What? Where? Whom?) Such a pretty face Such a pretty dress (Whom? Whom?) Such a pretty smile Such a pretty me! (Whom?) I feel stunning And entrancing Feel like running and dancing for joy For I'm loved By a pretty wonderful boy

Monday, August 14, 2006

His will shall prevail

God has a plan. He created you, he sent His Son to attone for your sins. He wants you. Not just a Sunday, but all of you all of the time. Whenever you think you have an agenda, and life throws you a curveball, that's God. He wants you on the right path. His path.

How do you know which path is His? Read the Bible. His Word is Life's not so little instruction manual. "Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path." (Psalm 119:105)

I write about this, because someone I know was just trying to get rid of a responsibility, and ended up having to become more involved. He wanted to do his own thing, and God has a different agenda.

I pray that this person will learn and grow through this experience. I know what God has planned is good, hopefully he will see this too.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Jehovah-jireh: The Lord Provides!

I was missing mom like crazy yesterday. No one else on earth is MOM. You just cannot get comfort from people like you do from Mom. Or, can you?

I could not stop crying yesterday. Every little thing got to me. I was so mad at my father and missed my mom so much. I blabbed everything to Dave on the phone. He did not know what to say, but he listened and let me spill my guts and cry. He also did a one up on me. He had his mom call me. It is so cool to be offered someone else's mom. She said that she may not be my mom, but she was A mom, and she would be there for me. I love that woman so much!

I also divulged my heart in an email to a friend. This friend is rather new, but I have been called to be friends with her by God. Sure enough, today I check my email and BAM, she said exactly what I needed to hear.

Then I got to work. I was checking some paperwork when a woman from another department walked by. She asked if I was feeling better. She must have seen me cry yesterday. She offered me a hug. That hug felt so good.

The last story is a guy. I walked up on a co-worker to check on him. Just at the right time he said. He was struggling with life issues, anger, dissapointment and other things. We talked a bit and then I said a prayer for the both of us. Later I wrote him some encouraging words out of the Bible.

The Lord provided. I asked and I did receive.

Humans are not perfect. God is not physically here. That is why there is the Body. We are here to encourage each other, love each other, and be there for each other when no one else can. God gave us each other while we are here on earth. Yes, He is always with us, but I know He used my co-workers to give me hugs because He could not right this minute.

God is faithful. I assure you of this. I know every single day that He gives me what I need. Thank you for being my perfect Father.