Be back next week

For those of you that know us, please keep us in your prayers. Will let you know soon.

I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats

My heart broke last night.

You see last night we went to Global Funny Rescue and I laughed my butt off.
Global Funny Rescue was a benefit for Global Family Rescue which goes into Uganda to change lives. It was a night of laughing, boo-ing, cheering and stand-up. It was a night of improv featuring a few friends of mine and Steve Cochran from WGN, and more folks from my church. It was a night of "speed love offerings," auctioning of a shirt off of a man's back, and a cow-chair auction.

I really needed a laugh. And I laughed really, really hard.

But God broke my heart for Africa. See, never before have I had a feeling of wanting to change anything outside of myself or my world. Then they played this video above and I cried. I have been so tied up in the injustices in my own world, Wheaton, DuPage county, suburban life. Funny little thought ran through my head during "Celebration Generosity" at my church. I asked God to break my heart for Africa. I didn't mean to, it just slipped out. So much of my life has been hardening my heart to the pictures of the kids with bugs in their eyes and swollen tummies. Something was different this time. I cried. Tears ran down my face.

Don't freak out, I am not moving to the jungle. But someday, I don't know when, but someday, I am going with my family for a missions trip to Africa. I am going to see God's majesty and God's grace bigger than I ever have before.

I found it this way I swear!

Time to clean up my mess and actually get this place ready.

Where do you put stuff there is no room for?

Obviously there is no need, so I will flush it!

Errr, I mean donate it!

I am not the only geek, dude

I no longer feel bad about this post. It seems we all get a little fan-boy like every once and a while.

While I was at home getting all anxious about next week, many folks were down in Florida. Sunny Orlando played host to the Exponential Conference. One of the speakers, Rick Warren showed up and spent time with some New Thing folks. He even gave them all hugs.

Super T-Roy dropped some names as well as Dave pretending to be Andy's brother, or is it the other way around? Don't believe me? Be our guest...

Seems its quite cool to get "geeked out" by church greats.

I guess I am a geek, is that so wrong? I must have a heart for the church and church planting if news like this gets me excited dude! Dude, seriously! Seriously dude.

I want it! Why I don't just dive in for it.

I used to really hate the kids in school who could run fast. I could never run fast. I take that back... I could sprint like the devil, but I had no endurance whatsoever. I always felt horrible and had to walk often when we ran the mile in school.

What they didn't do for me was teach me how I could run the mile when I had so much trouble. Running the mile is a test required by the state, so we just do it. I don't ever remember our teacher warming us up by running 200 yards, 400 etc. We just had to line up and go. How are we supposed to go from playing badminton to running the mile? Yet I beat myself up.

I had asthma, so endurance was never something I could build up easily. I would stop breathing well and then had to sit or walk. They didn't teach us to build up to anything. It was either do it well or be the fat girl in class. And because I had an excuse, or wasn't taught properly, or both, I never tried.

Kids don't build you up either, they tear you up. "Fat Lard" "Lazy" "loser!" I don't ever remember any other kid telling me "you can do it" or "great job" ever. No offense, but my mom was not a great encourager either. She called me a "quitter" once and it stuck to me so hard, no amount of scraping would ever get it off.

Until Jesus died. See, Jesus died nearly 2000 years ago, but I didn't realize it and accept it till like 2 years ago. Scripture says "God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors..." (1 Peter 1:18NLT) and that was Jesus. Through accepting that, I have to opportunity for a new life, a resurrection life. Col 2:12 "For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead." That doesn't mean that the minute I am baptized I am suddenly fixed. It just means that I have a new start.

When I was a child, I had to learn how to walk, how to talk, how to say my ABCs. So often people think that Jesus is gonna make everything right, and He does, but He does it with God. It is up to us to make everything else right with ourselves and the world. God grants us grace so that we can learn everything new. How to walk with Christ, how to talk with Christ, how to do things the way He intended for us.

Isaiah says "But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right—everything. Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones." (30:18 The Message) So it makes sense that we should take the time to do things right too. Why should we think we can dive in when even God takes time to do things right?

And we make mistakes. Oh boy do we make mistakes.

Toddlers fall down when learning how to walk, that is why we call them toddlers. The problem that a lot of new Christians have is that they assume they won't fall down. I know I used to believe that for myself.

This is where the "Body of Christ" and Small Groups comes in. You see, when you have other friends who are Christians, they are there to help pick you up when you fall down. They are there to mentor you, comfort you, and help you so you fall down less and less as time goes on. If you try and do this Christian Walk alone, you might find yourself falling down a lot more, and that it is nearly impossible to get back up. God designed it that way. In Romans 12 it reads "Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other."(4-5)

Some of us might be good at one thing, while others are good at another, and when we all get together we function as a "body." 1 Corinthians 12 explains it well:

"(14-26)Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."

So back to me running. See, many of you know that I have been losing weight and exercising. Some of you might have noticed. People have asked me what my ultimate goal is, like a number. Yes, I have a number, but if I never meet it, I won't be disappointed. My goal is better than just a number. My goal is to run a 5K by this time next spring. For those of you who have no clue, like I had no clue, that is just over 3 miles. Three miles! Now for a chubby like me to even run around the block without stopping it is a miracle. Truthfully, I can only make it about 1/4 block right now, and I have been working out for a little over a month.

So when I say I want to run a 3k, that is a BIG DEAL for me. I never was able to run even the entire mile without stopping a gazillion times in school. I am 32 years old, this time next year I will be 33 and running 3 miles.

If I were just to go this Saturday and run, I would likely pass out, or at least only walk it. I don't want that. I want to run the whole 3 miles. So I am now in training. I am in training to be running 3 miles.

I am taking advantage of my resurrection life, my new life in Christ to learn how to do things properly so that I don't fail, and I won't quit. And I have people, the Body of Christ. They are praying for me, rooting for me, cheering me on and building me up. If I fall down, I have no doubt they will surround me and pick me up again.

God did not intend for us to just dive in. He knows that it is a learning process, and if you are willing, there are several teachers all around you who will encourage you. They will tell you the truth with love, not put you down.

Through much personal growth I have realized that I did not really hate those kids who ran fast, I was just jealous of them. Someone had cheered for them along the way and told them that they could do it. For whatever the reason, I didn't ever have that.

So I am here now to let you know something you may have never heard before. "YOU can do it." "You CAN do it." Whatever it is that you want to do, you can do it. Rely on the resurrection power available through Christ, and the Body he put here with us on Earth. You are not alone. God is cheering you along, and so am I.

Weigh in week ?? 14??

Down 1.4 lbs this week. Also, this drops be below 250, which means I loose a point of eating... no big whoop, its a good thing. Total weight loss 28.4 lbs. Look out 30!

My favorite thing was wearing a Wisconsin Dells t-shirt that when I bought it was kinda tight (think sausage) but fit me perfectly yesterday. I had to get it, it was rainbow tie-dye.

I will wear it today, only because I wore it a whole 20 minutes yesterday and I like it.

So, that smiley-happy chick in the rainbow tie-dye is just me. Do not be afraid.

Actually, I think the opposite

I think Jesus has a sense of humor. I think Jesus would think this is funny. Made me laugh, and I love Christ.

Sadly this picture of Christ is how most people think of him, clean, beautiful, covered up.

NO! Jesus was beaten, whipped, bruised, naked, spit upon, likely covered in his own waste. When people were crucified, it was the worst punishment one could endure. And, Jesus endured the beating of Roman soldiers before they even hung him up!

Anyway, YMCA.... makes me laugh... especially how the last guy, the A, looks like a ballerina.

What do you mean I forgot?

I guess I forgot to post about my weigh in this week.

OOPS!

Yeah, I showed up late, when the meeting was over. It was Tuesday, because Monday I was in Oakbrook for work. Anywho, there was three ladies in the lobby area chatting, I "know" one of them. By "know", I mean I had seen her in a meeting before and exchanged pleasantries.

So when I found out that I lost 5 pounds, she came over and gave me a high five. And, when I said that means I hit my 10% weight loss goal (ten percent of my original body weight) she gave me another high five. It was great.

So I have earned my keychain. Weight Watchers gives you a keychain in the shape of the number 10 when you hit that first goal. And so I have lost a total of 27 lbs. If you do the math, I won't stop you, you can figure out about what I weighed when I joined. Add 7 lbs. So technically I have .7lbs left to lose. But the meetings round stuff off. And so it is.

Personally, I have decided that if I can keep it off I have earned my iPod.

OOH, what type are you gonna get? Well, I have decided to get the nano because it is light enough for me to work out with, and now they have 8Meg ones, and blue!

Studies have shown that people who exercise to music lose more weight, because they enjoy their workouts more. I tend to agree. While I do workout a lot with my husband, I am straining to hear the music in the background at the gym. It gets me through the rough times and helps me to set a rhythm.

That, and I will have the iPod for my plane trip coming up which will totally help me to survive. I have downloaded several sermons from different churches, different pastors that I follow. (Perry Noble is my favorite, and he has a southern accent making it more fun to listen to. He recently has done a "Man Series" that was phenomenal.)

Well, I have totally gotten off subject, so I better go. I will update you soon with the next weigh in!

What are you missing out on?

When we don't take good care of ourselves, we are not always able to fully enjoy life. We are asleep at the wheel so to speak.

On days when I don't eat healthy, I don't feel good. There is no getting around my tiredness. If I stay up too late, I feel it. Later on I end up dragging my zombie-like corpse around to do what needs to be done.

Research has shown that sleepy drivers are more dangerous than drunken drivers. (Not encourage you to drink, mind you. If you are tired and drunk that is even worse!)

I have gone the past 30some years of my life sleeping at the wheel, trying to get by on whatever I want to do, and not what I should do.

Recently, I have begun to go to bed earlier, wake up earlier, eat healthy, and exercise. Why didn't I do this any earlier? I tried them all, just never at the same time before. Also I never had Jesus before. Not just Jesus, but the whole Body of Christ. Friends that support and pray for me, and love me even if I did nothing. See, even if I am sleeping at the wheel, its okay because Jesus is driving, not me.

If that doesn't make sense, so be it.

What I am trying to say is that The Bible was written for a reason, and the advice given within it is not just so you can be a good person, but that so your person can be good. So you can wake up and enjoy the ride. You will have joy even when life is hard.

Believe me, life is hard right now. Dave and I are facing one of the hardest things we have ever faced in our entire lives right now. But to be honest, while it is hard, I am kind of enjoying the challenge. I am looking forward to the blessings that God has for us in this time. Dave and I are growing even closer as a couple, learning to lean on each other, accept each other and pray for each other even more than we ever have in our entire lives.

And I wouldn't be asleep at the wheel now for anything, I am holding on, eyes wide open.

Temptation and choices

Sometimes the opportunity is staring us in the face. Sometimes we go out of our ways to get to it. Some of us can shrug it off, some of us sweat trying to avoid it.

For some it is chocolate, for some booze, for some men, for some women, for all of us it is selfishness.

We struggle with decisions based on what we feel like or what we desire. We struggle to do what is good for us or what might be not so good. So why is that?

We as humans are given free will. We have the choice to do what we please. Why does God want us to be "good" and then gives us the choice to be "bad"?

What fun is life if you have no choice? What fun is it to love someone if you are forced? Its not really love is it?

We have the choice to do things that will make us better or worse. Most of us like to balance out both. Some of us end up doing more worse than better.

I am trying to change that balance in myself. Because it is not about me anymore. Its more than me. I want to be healthy and happy for my husband, for our future children, for God. See God wants me to live my life to the full, and when I don't it breaks His heart. It breaks His heart because MY heart is broken.

My heart is broken because I made bad choices. I ate too much, drank too much, fell in love too much, fell in lust too much, watched way too much TV. I worked out too little, I improved my mind too little, I read too little, spent too little time with others, I loved God too little.

I am my own problem.

What choices should I make, what should I do? What ever I choose, I choose. I will face the consequences of my choice.

Yes, those brownies taste good, but I feel so much better when I eat a salad. Sounds boring, but oh so true! I feel better if I exercise, not if I lay on the couch all day. I feel better when I turn off the TV and read the Bible. I feel better when I commit myself to being a better person by studying the Bible, leadership, and self-improvement. I feel better in my marriage now than I ever have in any relationship EVER! I feel better following God's will than my own.

My own will led to darkness, loneliness, depression, obesity, physical and emotional pain. I can do whatever I choose, but the things I choose can sometimes devour me. I would rather the Lord devour me, and build me up in Him.

He is always there.

If it wasn't for God, I would be terrified. He is the only thing that I can look to as I face one of the most terrifying things.

I know this: God was with me when I walked through the water, and I did not get washed away when the waves crashed down. God was with me when I walked through the fire, and I did not get singed by the flames or lose a hair in the consumption. How much more so will God be there for me now?

I know this: God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28 NLT)

I know this: my husband was a gift from God, I love him so much, and thank God for him every single day.

The last words Jesus said to us (in Matthew) before he returned to Heaven: "And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

I have found so much comfort and hope in His Word. Thank you. I know that Dave and I have each other, but it is wonderful knowing that you are with us every single step of the way.

Just you wait, the spare room will not long be spare. It is all happening!

Vacation over

No, I didn't go anywhere. I just took a break from Weight Watchers. The week+ was emotional (see previous post), and I crawled back into my grave.

Huh? Grave?

See, at service this weekend, we learned about Lazarus, and how Jesus raised him from the dead. The first thing Jesus told them was to take off his grave clothes and put on some new ones.

So, when we are given new lives through Jesus, we are supposed to take off old ways of doing things and put on new ways.

I was hurting, so I went back into my grave and pulled out my graveclothes. I ate crap. And I felt worse. I felt dead.

Yesterday I went back to my WW meeting, and worked out at the gym. While my legs were yelling at me last night at work, and I was pooped... I feel good, I feel alive.

God, please roll the stone over my grave so I never go back. I like being alive too much!

By the way, happy birthday Robin!!! (Sorry I didn't call, I was busy at the gym!)

Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean its not there

Today Dave and I said goodbye. We said goodbye to our first child. Miscarriage is never easy, but we have been surrounded by love. I wrote about it for the Celebrate the Journey blog. On my own blog I want to write about saying goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Do you have a pen?" I asked my husband. Sure enough, there was one in his pocket. I didn't tell him what for, he knew.

We stopped at the party store for one thing: a single latex balloon. I let Dave pick out the color. He chose a pearlized lavender. We didn't know if it was a boy or girl, and purple seemed not only appropriate, but beautiful. He held the balloon as we drove, preventing it from flapping around.

"Where should we go?" I asked my husband.

"Someplace open," he said.

Together we both spoke, "the Box!" Our hands wrapped around each other with the ribbon from the balloon intertwined.

Matt Redmond played on the stereo "you give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord bless-ed be your name." The sky was beautiful, and the sun was beginning to come down, perfect timing.

A beautiful bird flew over while we were in front of the forest preserve. We were in awe, and watched it until our light turned green.

More Matt Redmond; praising God, I started to cry.

Dave said, "this ride is longer than I thought."

We listened to the music, watched the beautiful sky, occasionally I would cry. Dave looked reflective.

Right when we pulled into the parking lot, I looked over at Dave just as he nuzzled the balloon. For a second, I could have sworn it was a baby.

We wrote on the balloon to "Baby E" then stepped out in front of the water. We rejoined hands, holding onto the string with our union. We said goodbye. One, two, three... we both let go.

The balloon gracefully floated. It quickly had crossed the street, and we could tell that it would not get caught on any lines or wires. Suddenly, I lost sight of it.

"Dave, its gone, its gone!" I cried into his shoulder, bawling.

"Just because you can't see it doesn't mean that it is not there," said my husband.

Goodbye Baby E. See you in heaven!

What, no weigh in this week!?!

I am going to be an April Fool and skip Weight Watchers this week!

Why? Because I can.

Actually, yesterday I was at home, and right when it would be time to get ready and go, I asked "God, should I go to WW today?" He answered with the only bolt of lightning I saw or heard all day.

So, I think that if God says don't go, you don't go.

I am supposed to be resting, not running about. Will fill you all in eventually...