2007 Year in Review

Wow, just looking back on Blogger for my entries over the past year... I am amazed at two major points... I was sick an awful lot, and the fact that God has really been sculpting me this year, its so awesome to see it happen. Here are some highlights:

1. I got married. It was probably the best event ever in my life so far. Thanks to all my friends and family who made it happen. I have the best husband ever.

2. I went on my Honeymoon and finally got to see the Grand Canyon. I felt so tiny in comparison to that. Yet it was really comforting to know that God cares for me, despite my insignificance in the universe. Sedona was also super cool. It was an experience I won't ever forget. Thanks to Dave's folks for the plane tickets and the rides, and Dave's brother for the house. And thanks to all the friends and family for all the cash gifts at our wedding, we couldn't have enjoyed our honeymoon without your generosity.

3. I got to wear a suit at work. This is odd for a person who wears pajamas (scrubs.) I will be doing this again in '08!

4. I changed my schedule. God put it in my heart to do so, and so I have, and it has literally changed my life. I enjoy being a part of Celebrate the Journey EVERY Tuesday.

5. My cousin Tammy got married! I was a first time bridesmaid. It was a fun wedding, Tammy glowed! Oh and I like her husband too! I will miss them when they move to Indy in the early spring.

6. Mom was laid to rest. On the one year anniversary of her passing (07-07-07) we scattered her ashes into Lake Michigan, and then went swimming! It was so awesome, and freeing. I love you Mom, see you when I get there.

7. Ignite Chicago! I got to see my two favoritest bands in concert! Tree 63 and David Crowder! It was fun, and my sister adopted a child.

8. Babies! A good friend announced that she was pregnant. Also several people at work are also pregnant, or were and now have babies!

9. I gave in and joined Facebook. Be my friend, I need more people to poke, bite, and bomb.

10. The great remodel. We moved into Dad's house for 6 weeks and lets just say I am so glad to be home, so much so we vacationed here.

11. Abby tore a cruciate ligament in her knee, she now limps.

12. We moved back in the house, then had a small fire, lived in a motel for 9 days. Yeah, its was fun, not! Praise God that its all good now.

13. I won the most likely to star in her own reality TV show at work. Funny, my life IS like a reality show.

14. Miss Daisy Mae joined Muffi and Georgie and several others in Doggie Heaven. She was a good dog. She is missed.

15. I gave my testimony. Me, I got up on stage and told intimate details of my life to friends and strangers. It was one of the most freeing experiences of my life, and I did a good job.

16. The thing we haven't made public yet. No, I am not pregnant, but intimate friends know whats up. I pray for a peaceful resolution in '08. I know its redundant putting up something I cannot tell you, but lets just say it is that big and affects me that much.

17. The spare room is occupied. Pray that our friend Paul is able to get on his feet soon.

Happy Old Year to all of you. I have grown more than I could ever imagine, and I have to give God all the glory.

Here's to an even better New Year....

It is all alien to me...

Often times I find myself wanting things that I have no idea what to do with. One of the biggest problems I have is making friends. I get these people interested in me, and being my friend, but I don't know how exactly to develop that friendship, or I feel like I am in some strange land. Many people want me to be the one to make the plans when I am ready. (Hint: I am never ready!)

My favorite is call me when you want to get together... um, hello, but aren't we talking now? Let's make plans now! Alas... now is never a good time to make plans. (Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. John Lennon.) Thus I end up sitting at my computer drinking coffee and blogging before work.

I am horrible at this friend thing. See, I work when most people are off work, and anything before 11am is just too early for me, I can't do it.

What I can do, is poke you on Facebook. It works for me.

I really want this connection thing, but I am soooo bad at it. Help me. I cannot do this on my own. Part of my problem is that I fill up my off days with stuff, and then nobody wants to do anything when I actually keep it free. Oh, yeah, and making that first phone call. ... I just plain suck at that.

Of course, now my vacation is over, and I am working this weekend, so I won't be free for another week unless you make me meet you for lunch. Because that's my schedule... it allows me to be a recluse.

Feeling like this

The year is almost over.

Here is to '08

I am Pirate of the Year! YARGH!!!

A family tradition happened when my cousin got the Pirates of the Caribbean game on DVD for Christmas. Now we play it every Christmas, and I WON!

PIRATE! For once it is good to have the most booty.

Yeah! See how disappointed my mates are?

I had a great Christmas, and I hope all of you did too!

Back to work today... :( wahhh!

Dear God

Please help me be gracious this Christmas as I receive gifts. I have a problem with greed, and when I get something I really don't want or can't use, I get angry or upset. Help me to not let physical things turn me into a monster. I know where my treasure lies, and it is with you oh Lord.
Help me just to celebrate you, and enjoy visiting family and friends.
Help me to glorify you with my actions, thoughts and heart.
Thank you for your son Jesus. Amen

The true meaning of Christmas

Suddenly I find that Christmas is creeping up on us. I check my email, I then go to my Google Reader and catch up on some blogs. God is talking to me through others and through my life to realize for the first Christmas ever what this whole thing is all about.

All of my life I thought Christmas was about what I could get, exchanging gifts, so you can get gifts, and food... lots of food. Family, yes, and even baby Jesus, oh and the carols, you have to sing the carols.

God came to us.

That should be reason to celebrate. We got this gift, this perfect thing in such a delicate baby boy delivered in a stable. This baby dies for our sins, then defeats death and resurrects. We can now have a relationship directly with God, that was never ever possible before. All because a baby was born... and the life he lead... and the death... and the resurrection.

So for us, what is Christmas?

Christmas should be about giving a gift that cannot be repaid. Check out Matt's post. Matt is a great guy that moved to KC, MO to follow a dream that God put in his head. I love and pray for Matt, and the whole Restore team.

What can you give?

Vacation time

Well, while this is not my pets, they look similar. Too cute.

Dave and I are enjoying our vacation. Yesterday we got to visit some seniors that Dave knows from work, and it was great to spend some time getting to know them. We also spent some time volunteering at church (I stuffed programs, and Dave helped Lupe). I had an MRI of my bad ankle (finally) and we stayed up late watching Live Free or Die Hard. Dave also took me out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, BD's Mongolian BBQ! He got us a pair of gigantic Mongo Mugs to stuff our stockings. (Okay, the likelyhood they will ever touch a stocking is low, but its the idea...)

Wednesday, we bared the deep fog to visit some good friends of ours out in Sycamore. Driving down 88 is scary when you can only see two car lengths in front of you! Hector and Michelle served us a terrific dinner (thanks!) and we got to kick some butt playing Skip-Bo with them. Their baby boy is growing up sooooo fast!

Today we are hoping that the weather will accommodate us to drive around to see Christmas lights. We are also going to do some more movie watching and generally be lazy today. I made some killer grilled beef and cheese burritos for lunch!

Some people are amazed that Dave and I still volunteered while on vacation. The truth is, we would rather volunteer than work, but money is a necessity. We really find peace and happiness in giving ourselves.

Oh, and I never thought I would love kissing old people so much, but they love it! You know, the nice quick peck on the cheek.... it means so much to be able to bring them a moment of joy. It amazes me how they remember my name, I am so bad with names. Hopefully, that is something that gets better with age.

Myself on stage

Last night, I got up on stage and gave my testimony. I openly told people who I am, who I was, and where I am going. Some of which you might know if you followed my blog, but not all. It was the most public confession of my sins and my strengths. Why did I do it?

I want people to know that it IS possible, there IS a way out, light at the end of the tunnel, gold at the end of the rainbow...

The one friend who doesn't come to C the J and I invited showed up! Wow! I was glad she was there. I made myself vulnerable, and yet again God came through.

People told me I have a gift for speech. I must appear more confident than I feel. I have to give all the credit to being on the Forensics (speech) team in high school. And also to my great speech teacher at COD. Oh yeah, and God, who is constantly telling me that I AM a beautiful, talented creation, even when I don't feel like one.

More than you could imagine

I have to apologize for the lack of posts recently. Life has been throwing me some bones, and I have wound up with more than I could imagine on my plate right now.

But it is all good.

I have a huge thing that I can't mention yet for legal purposes, and some other nuggets that I should share. And despite it being a big deal, I know it will be alright.

For one of the larger nuggets, I will be giving my testimony next Tuesday at Celebrate the Journey. This is a big ordeal because I am going to be vulnerable to people I don't know in the hopes that it can help them to better their lives. No one likes to talk about their past, but when we do it, we are actually setting it free. I really hope that I don't trip on stage, but if I do, oh well, it shows I am human, right?

I have this vacation planned to catch up with folks that I haven't seen in a while. If this is you, call me! Vacation starts Tuesday. I recently got texted by an old, old pal and hope that we can get together next week.

The Christmas tree is up, the stockings are hung by the chimney with care, and most of my shopping is done, except for my dad and Yola, I don't know what to get them... probably another gift certificate for (oh wait, what if he happens to read my blog, its rare, but it happens so thus ends this sentence.)

My cousin and her new husband will be out of town for Christmas this year. It will be weird, x-mas without them... (and before you un-informed people e-mail me, x is an acceptable, non-blasphemous substitute for Christ in Christmas! Do some research!)

My sister, Megan, has caught the cold. Pray for her.

Guess what is coming? Vacation!

Did you know that there are only 15 days left until Christmas? Good thing I started some shopping this weekend. Also thanks to my buddy doing some heavy lifting, I was able to return some unused construction stuff too!

We couldn't decide what to eat on Saturday, so we ended up at the buffet. I never knew that I would not like salad. The dressing was horrible, I couldn't finish it. The meat was gristly, my bench kept coming apart from the base. However they did have a killer cherry cobbler which I topped with soft serve. Yum.

Now I just have to make it through until my vacation. My first day off is a week from Tuesday! Where am I going? Well nowhere or across the country, but that's a whole other story... Lets start with insane and go from there...

I love my friends. They know when I need hugs. Thank you friends.

Rest in peace Daisy Mae

Yesterday Daisy left this earth and went to heaven. She was a good dog. I will .... I do miss her. She had a heart of gold and was the cuddliest dog I have ever known. She was so good to my mom when my mom was sick. She was Dave's "girlfriend" because she loved him so much and was sooo excited to see him.

See you in Heaven Daisy Mae. I love you.

Where did the time go?

It seems like just yesterday I was looking forward to the fall. I really do love the fall. I drive past the trees that still have leaves on them, trying to soak up what last bit of the season there is left.

The sun is starting to set when I head to work, and is down before I go to dinner now. Too weird... its way too cold outside and this weekend the forecast is for s... n... o... w...

John Lennon said "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans" and I feel like life has just been slipping by. I wait for too much, and barely get to enjoy enough. Not to mention all of my friends which I don't get in contact with for long stretches of time...

Sometimes I have to remember that life is what you make of it, and quit waiting for stuff, because stuff takes time. Monday is far enough away, none the less the day when the check will finally come... Time is what life is. Life is not for waiting, but for enjoying.

So I guess it is good when I admire the last few leaves on the trees...

Complaining

Do you often find yourself complaining? I do. I complain way too much. Our sermon on Sunday was about complaining. It really made me think.

We do so much complaining, but it doesn't really change anything, does it? No, infact it just brings down those around us. Complaining creates a negative atmosphere around us and fills us with "ear pollution" bringing us down.

It helps us to beat ourselves up as well. Being your own worst enemy is not the best idea.

So what do we do? Complain more, but not to others, but to God, he is always listening, and it helps you to get it off your chest. God is the only one who can do anything about it anyway. Compliment more. When is the last time you told your boss to stop complementing you for your hard work? Positive reinforcement is so much more pleasant and creates something to work for as opposed to work against.

Now its your turn... say something positive about this picture instead of complaining about the "pot" at the end of the rainbow... this could be fun!

Be Thankful

My heart is broken. I live in DuPage County, one of the most affluent counties in Illinois. Yet, we have over 200 homeless people living here. Every night, there are only 140 beds in shelters scattered across the county. Its cold, and its only getting colder.

This Thanksgiving, I was in a warm home, surrounded by dear family and ate more than I could ever want of the world's best turkey.

This Thanksgiving, more than 200 people ate at crisis shelters and it wasn't that good of a turkey, if they ate at all.

Next time you complain about your gas bill, be thankful you have heat.

So many selfish rich people who have so much, so many underprivileged who have so little. When you are out shopping, spending hundreds of dollars getting deals, please be nice to the minimum wage workers who help you out. Remember that they are people too, and its just a job. Minimum wage is a joke, you cannot live off of it.

I watch new homes (mansions really) being built, and my stomach churns.

I am thankful God everyday for all the blessings you have given me.

Free food! Free food!

Yesterday was a great day. Despite my 16 hour work day and 4 hour sleep, I really enjoyed getting up and going to my aunt's house for Thanksgiving.

First of all, props to the Turkey, it was the bestest bird ever. So juicy and tender and delicious! Tammy made this yummy peanut butter sweet potato recipe, which was good if you like peanut buttery stuff. I myself am not a fan, but still enjoyed the potato dish. Also had butternut squash, mashed potatoes, corn, two types of stuffing (both great), biscuits and I just about ate two stomachs worth.

Did you know Mike Ditka makes wine? Well, it was good, and we had a great SNL moment to go along with it.

I also have to give mad props to my sister who has lost like 40 lbs and is looking svelt. I have always thought that my sister was the prettiest ever, and now she just shines. Embarrassing my little sister is what I do best, cuz I love her!

I just had one of the bestest Thanksgivings ever, I have lots to be thankful for. Dave and I had a great night. Thanks so much to my aunt and uncle for hosting, and my cousins and sister for helping cook. And Tottie for being cute.

Now today we go to my dad's for ham. I hope I still can eat! MMMM ham. Yeah, I think I can still eat!

Happy Thanksgiving

For Turkey Day, I will be going to my Aunt Robin's house. For day after (Ham Day) I will be going to Dad's house. Megan will be in town (yeah!) and I get to see her both days.

For today, I get to work a double shift at the hospital. Pray that I don't curl up in the salad and fall asleep tomorrow, especially after all the tryptophan in the turkey knocks me out!

Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving! I am thankful for all of my friends and family that read my blog. May you be blessed on Thanksgiving and every day.

Pondering the Truth

This weekend was pretty cool. Saturday I went to a friends house to meet with others to pray. That was for me just so awesome. I want to do it more. I think that God wants us as a Church to do it more. We are supposed to be His body, so we should pray together way more often than we do. Today life is crazy. When is life NOT crazy? You don't have to have a special gift to pray, its just talking to God. I really feel we should prioritize prayer, and especially corporate prayer more in our lives.

Sunday was "Thanksgiving" with Dave's side of the family. It is just so awesome to me to be surrounded by family that I love and that loves me. Dave and I like to hang out with the kids. When we were talking about it, I mentioned because it is probably because we don't have any at home and when we do, we will most likely talk with the adults. I watched the kids play. They have no problems with physical contact like adults do. They sit on each other, wrestle, chase, hug, tackle and crawl. Whatever happened that made us not do so as adults?

The 21 day challenge at church has been awesome. Dave and I have actually not been journaling like we were challenged to, but instead we read the chapter out loud to each other and then "talk out" our would-be journal entries. One of the things that has really struck me, and gets me every time I read John: how can one read this and NOT believe? Jesus clearly states his divinity! How can you just ignore what to me seems so blatantly obvious? Not only that, but not just believe... Jesus says that believing means change... living life differently! Since when is belief in God reserved for Christmas and Easter? (total aside, but no way Jesus was born in December!) Since when does it say love me on Sunday but the rest of the week do whatever you want? Where does it say you cannot pray to God directly? (Jesus says to ask in His Name, not his mom's name!) Is doing what your ancestors did more important to you than your own salvation? (BTW, wearing a necklace with some saint's picture on it does not keep you from touching the flames of hell! It never says anything like that in the Bible!)

This fire in me, may it never extinguish. Its all happening... thank you Jesus!

I challenge YOU, if you don't believe, if its been a while, if you are confused about your spirituality... read John (the fourth book in the New Testament) and then pray about it. Still don't know, read more of the Bible... The more you read, the less you can deny him. Or, live your life in denial, click off this page and never come back.

I know this, the more I read, the more I know God. The more I know God, the more I change. The more I change, the better I feel. I have been through many trials in my life, and it is only because of my faith in Christ Jesus that I am alive today! I say this because its true!

Wanna know more? I will gladly share details and pray for you. E-mail me @ icanseerightthroughyou@yahoo.com or comment back or call me but don't give up the search for the Truth!

Sleepy

I give up! I was so tired last night that I fell asleep before my husband. Things are changing, I can no longer bear to be awake past 1am. I just could not stay awake.

Its a blessing.

Although things are going to have to change, I cannot be eating a meal and then falling asleep.


It will, I have faith.

God is changing me, and I am glad.

Prayer Partnering

Tomorrow I am going to get together with some friends with the purpose of prayer. We all have a passion for our ministry, and a passion for prayer. We all have the spirit in us, urging us to go on. We have God-sized dreams. We know what He can accomplish. We also know that it is up to HIM to do it. We must lean on Him, asking for help.

This is not for us, not to make us look like we are special or better or anything else. This is for God and His glory. We need to remember that always.

Sometimes people do things to make themselves look good. I don't do this for that purpose, I do this because I am compelled by the Holy Spirit. I feel as if I would burst if I did not. I would burst if I did not obey. Something big is going to happen, and its gonna be awesome. Lives will be saved for the Kingdom.

His will be done here on earth, right now... that is my wish. I just want people to experience a little less hell on earth, and a lot more heaven.

Because He loved me so much that even if I was the only person on earth, Jesus would have died for my sins. I want people to know that, but also to live that. You really haven't experienced Christ until you have experienced the resurrection life he has to offer. This isn't easy, but its so good.

Want to know what I mean? Experience some fruits of the spirit.

the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control

My own Reality TV Show!

Yes that's right folks, according to my co-workers, I have been nominated most likely to star in their own reality TV show. I think this is hilarious. You know why? My life IS a reality show.

I look back over the last few years and wanted to share some highlights that probably got me qualified to "win" this title.

~I got stranded in Mexico (lost my ID and couldn't fly)
~My best friend shoved a piece of cake in my face at work (no, I did not laugh)
~I have been known to break into dance at random (especially at shift change)
~Mom's illness/death
~Dad's marriage to her caretaker 4 months after she died
~My engagement of only 3 months
~numerous "work" related dramas (I dare not say more)
~my dryer fire post remodeling
~an current event I cannot post yet

I laugh, I find this all funny, because I have survived! I am alive, and really happy (unlike most reality stars.) I don't care that people see me and my life and laugh, because I laugh. This is the joy of having Christ in your heart. Life is not easy folks, but it is for living and loving and laughing... enjoy! Thanks God!

This was just the beginning

When Dave and I married on January 7, it was only the beginning of a great adventure. See, we were originally going to wait until October 13, as in a few weeks ago October. Now, life has been hectic, so I haven't had the chance to really blog on it, but I am soooooo glad we didn't wait.

After our meeting with Pastor Troy, we both felt unsettled. I would like to thank the Holy Spirit for urging us forward. Our life has been filled with so many blessings (yes, I mean it despite all the drama) that I would not have done it any other way. Dave and I have grown so much closer to God and to each other, and waiting to get married would not have let that happen.

We have become deeply involved in our church, a part of a community that rarely exists anymore. We have become deeply involved in each other, with a commitment and passion that exceeds anything beyond my previous expectations. I didn't know that I would ever be this truly happy in my entire life. I have to give one guy the credit here... GOD! See, if Dave and I hadn't based our relationship and our individual lives around God, we would not be seeing such wonderful things in our lives.

But Shelley, you say, you guys have had nothing but turmoil, your mom died, your dad remarried, you've been sick a million times, a remodel, a house fire, one thing after another and you say you are happy? YES. Although JOY seems to be a better word. Happy is an emotion, joy is something deeper, something inside of me. A deep inner peace. It is through these trials that we have learned to lean on God, and God has totally provided.

We stand on the edge of a new era in our lives, something major is about to happen. The funny thing is, although I am scared, I am not frightened. New things are always scary, but I just know that it is gonna work out. It always does, and I trust that what God has planned for me is way better than anything I could conceive in my tiny little head. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

We are HOME!!!

Yes we are home! Internet, our own bed, and sleeping in on Sunday! Phoebe and Abby seem to be the happiest! They know we are home, and love it! They curl up and snuggle in bed with us, making us not want to get out of bed.

Looking forward to our blinds arriving, that means no more fishbowl feelings.

Patience is truly a virtue. The washer and dryer are not installed yet, and they sit in the living room. There are tons of boxes yet to unpack. I better get going.

Thanks God for providing through our hard times. We couldn't do it without you...

Just when we thought we were home

Dave and I are living in a hotel right now. The suggestion was made that we should not stay at our house until the cleaning was done because of the toxicity. Our insurance covers it, and so we are nomads again. We found a really clean and affordable hotel about 5 minutes from home (depending on traffic) and so we shall see what comes of this and when we go home.

So don't mind if I don't update the blog for a while. While the hotel offers free wi-fi, we don't have a laptop. Currently I sit at "Dad's internet cafe" aka Dad's house. I have some errands to run, so I am off.

Remember to appreciate the things you do have... I do.

God, I am confused

Dear God,
Thank your for saving us from having a total disaster Tuesday night. You kept us safe from a fire that could have destroyed our home, our pets, our lives. But I am confused... why now? Why after we remodeled and painted and moved in do we need to move out into a hotel and start all over again? Please help me to understand.

I know this. Your way is better than I can ever imagine. I need to trust in you. Everything is going to be alright.

Help me to not be so traumatized. Help me God, because I cannot do this without you.

Thank you so much. Thank you for loving me and my family and keeping us safe. Thank you for Jesus, AMEN.

I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in

I missed having my life. I don't think I have truly appreciated my home until I lost it. Yet I still feel this empty spot, like something is not quite right. It still doesn't feel like home yet.

Am I trying to fill a hole with something that doesn't fit?

Maybe its because things aren't done, or because all the boxes are yet unpacked. Maybe because the kitchen is still unusable. Yet I sit here waiting for someone else to do it. I don't wanna. I am done with all of this remodeling, and I just want to live... get this pile of pictures to be hung off my couch!

Maybe my house will feel like a home when I can have people over? Who knows.

Until then... I'm fixing a hole... by going to where I belong...
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering
Where will it go
I'm filling the cracks that ran through the door
And kept my mind from wandering
Where will it go
And it really doesn't matter if i'm wrong
I'm right
Where i belong i'm right
Where i belong.
See the people standing there who disagree and never win
And wonder why they don't get in my door.
I'm painting my room in the colourful way
And when my mind is wandering
There i will go.
And it really doesn't matter if
I'm wrong i'm right
Where i belong i'm right
Where i belong.
Silly people run around they worry me
And never ask me why they don't get past my door.
I'm taking the time for a number of things
That weren't important yesterday
And i still go.
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering
Where it will go.

Unpacking

Yesterday Dave and Jola brought all of the boxes upstairs. Today Dave and I began to tackle the boxes. The Bears lost.

We are home.

The dog and the cat finally figured it out, and the more we unpack, the better they feel. Abby is still very clingy, and I woke up with both the pets in bed. Eventually they will settle down and maybe so will we.

Thanks to my aunt Robin and uncle Ray for the awesomest home cooked dinner tonight! I love you guys!

Anyone want to clean my kitchen?

Today is the day!

Yep, today Dave and I pack up and head back home! There is still a lot of work and cleaning to do, but we will be sleeping in our own bed tonight!

Yeah!

cue music "HOME" by Daughtry...

"I'm going home..."

I can almost taste it now

So it looks like we might spend our first night at home Friday, but don't hold me to it. Dave and I are both working full days until the weekend.

In the meantime, I need to run some errands and order blinds so you don't see me running around naked. AAAAAAHHH!

Guess what else? I don't know but maybe once the shock of thinking of me naked wears off you will forget how lame this post was.

So, what's up?

It looks like we will be moving in this week. (Pray, cross your fingers and knock on wood.) Dave will be working on getting the house ready today.

I am still coughing and blowing my nose, but getting better. Slowly but... surely.

Daisy is not doing too well, and she spent a day in the hospital due to low blood sugar and seizures. She is still tired and needs lots of rest. She has not been using her right back leg, which concerns us. Abby is still limping, but not as bad. Rugby and Phoebe are doing well and causing lots of trouble as usual.

My buddy Neo is settled in up in the Great North (Canada) and I posted his link up on the blog again today. Apparently the squirrels eat out of his hands up there.

Dave and I are looking forward to a trip to the circus in early November with our nieces. We miss our little darlings very much, and it should be lots of fun. Hopefully they will have lots of hugs for me, because I have a lot of hugs for them.

I looked out the window this morning, it was sunny... but raining leaves. This is when I thank God that I don't have to rake. :)

Sleep...

Yet another reason to go back to sleep...

JUST WHAT IS HE DOING?

You might have gotten this picture in your email recently. Apparently this guy in Canada started freaking out when he saw a polar bear approach his sled dogs. Turns out the bear just wanted to play, and he came back every day that week to do so.

Isn't that just like God? We get scared because we don't know his intentions. We don't want to let Him come to show us love. Yeah, its a scary thing. God is huge, I mean inconceivable, how could the Creator not be?

Be open to what God is doing in your life now. I am trying so hard to do the same for myself. These are just some of the things I want to let God help me understand:

1. How come I keep getting sick after being sick?
2. Why did you want us to stay at my Dad's for so long?
3. What is next for us? Are we meant to have kids?

God, help me to understand your will. I know you have better plans for me than I could have myself. Help me to accept them and live in your Amazing Grace, don't let me hide from your love.

What is the deal?

I have had a really bad month. I have had food poisoning, a bladder infection, and now (yet another) head cold.

I found myself having a hard time singing in church yesterday,then at work my sinuses just drained straight down my throat, leaving me feeling miserable. I did not sleep well last night, and am unsure of my condition today. All I know is my throat is scratchy and swollen. I don't like this.

Good news is that we can start moving back into our home soon. How soon? As soon as we have the time to do so. We need to move some furniture back into place, do some cleaning, then we can start with the stuff. I want my own bed back.

At least I have many cuddly dogs here, and even the cat was cuddly when I got up at 6am to empty my bladder.

Pray for me, please.

Reflections on a blade of grass

God to me is something wonderful, something I cannot get enough of. I just want to keep following his scent to see what he has in store for me. Every time I do I am never let down. Its when I go off on my own that I get into trouble.

I open up your word, and it just fills me with comfort. You wrote this just for me. Why don't others understand how awesome you are? I was one of those others. I know. Its hard to open your hands and let go. It took me forever. But YOU never let go, you kept pursuing me until I gave in. I have never been happier.

I find delight in even the blade of grass. I see creation calling out to me "Jesus is Lord!" The pain I find comes from the world, and its expectations. You know me, you know I am better than that. You want me to be all you created me to be, and then some. In your eyes, I am Captivating. I am worth rescue, and am more beautiful that any sunset. I have value in you.

What gift can I bring to one who has died so that I may live? It seems only fitting that I give my life to you. Help me. I cannot do this without you. You have resurrected, you have defeated death, you have brought me to your kingdom. Help me to live this kingdom life. Hand in hand into eternity we shall go, finding peace and joy.

I cannot do this without you, stay with me always, and help me to stay with you.

Home, home on the range

My heart cries "I want to go home." My husband comes up to me with that look in his eyes. They say there is no place like home, seriously they mean it. I love my dad and Jola, they have been very wonderful to put up with us. But moving back into our new home is so close we can taste it. I want my bed back. I want my space back, the feeling that I cannot describe other than as "home."

Also part of me knows that it is not my home, that it is just a rest stop on my journey. One day I will find myself Home, and my heart yearns for that even more than ever now. This world is not for me. Yet I have so much to learn, miles to go. I know His plans for me are great, but that doesn't stop the hole from calling out to Him.

Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam, and the deer and the antelope play, where seldom is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day. Awooooooo!

At least the toilet is in.... WHAAAAA?!?!?

Remodeling is fun... NOT!

Yesterday the windows got put in. It rained last night. Good thing it didn't rain sideways, because the windows were not caulked! Its all good.

I told the guy I wanted an elongated bowl, and bought an elongated toilet seat, but for some reason, the one he put on the cart was round. And so the story goes... its what I get for not checking on it.

Here is a tip for leaving your home. Empty your fridge before you go. Mine is still recovering from smelling like a corpse. I should know, I have worked at the morgue. Seriously.

Hopefully we can start moving in this weekend... yeah! Everything looks great, its a whole new home. I can't wait!

Shining some light on a funk

Maybe having food poisoning helped, but I have been in a funk. I want to go home. Saturday, I felt a bit like being at home. See, Saturday I went to church.

The folks at CCC have become my family. I really look forward to seeing them all and really getting this unconditional love that is only possible with God. A bunch of cool things happened, but I want to share with you two.

The first is someone I barely know said "I love you" to me. I say that I barely know her because we really haven't hung out, but we know each others souls. I root for her, and she appreciates it. And we have love for each other, sisterly love that is possible because we are vulnerable. Thank you so much, that hug was sooo good! I look forward to talking with you more soon.

The second is that God spoke to me through a friend. We were in service and she was two rows up, gave me a tissue that I really needed. Afterwards she told me that God told her to tell me something... it touched my soul. It answered a question I had been asking.

Let me elaborate. There is this passage in the Bible, in Revelations 2:17: "... To everyone who is victorious I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it." This passage has been on my heart, and often I wonder what name will be on my stone. I imagine how it will feel to hold that stone in my hand, feel the smoothness of the pebble and read that name for the first time.

God told my friend to tell me that my name is Captivating.

Me? My name? I am Captivating? Wow.

I was in service twice that night because I was serving, and all throughout the sermon for the second service I kept pondering on that like a school girl with a crush. I have captured the attention of my Lord, and he is fascinated. This I say not to boast, but to boost myself. And it was good.

Thanks God for some great friends who helped to shine some light on a funk, thanks for a great church and a great message about my identity, my "newborne identity." Thanks for your love, thanks for calling me Captivating.

The Home Stretch

Dave tells me he is hoping we can get into our house in a week. That means this is the home stretch for going to our "new" home. When the housing market says you can't sell, we just decided to make our home new. Pray for us.

Doc said I had food poisoning. When 12 hours after you eat you vomit up that same meal, good indication of food poisoning. Also fever and body aches. Good news is that means I will not be getting the rest of my family sick. Doc says it takes 5-7 days to have a new stomach lining. I guess that means my fancy steak dinner is out.

I have missed too many birthdays to count. October is apparently a busy month for my family and friends to be born. I apologize. I feel horrible for missing you. Because I miss you. I love you. Happy Birthday.

Saturday marks the one year anniversary of Dave and I getting engaged officially. It was also our first date that we set for our wedding. I am soooooo glad we moved the date up! First of all, our pastor is now in KC. Secondly, I think I would have had a dozen ulcers and broken up with Dave if we waited this long. Seriously, I don't know why people wait when they know. Being 30 does help... Anyways, it was the best decision ever to get married to Dave, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you Dave, you are the best husband ever! Okay, you are the only husband, but you have exceeded my expectations, and I just love you sooooo much!

Enough mushiness. Now I must return to life, easy does it. No more pajama days. Now I go into work and wear scrubs, which is like pajamas, only it has the hospital logo on it instead of stars and moons. Oh, and I have to wear a bra.

Nausea, fever, and body aches

... are the only symptoms I am going to mention on my blog to spare you. I have been sick.

Of course it hits me on my day off. I work hard all week for my day off, and I had to spend it aching and sick on the couch. I am still weak and dizzy and my stomach is not back to normal. So I called in sick to work... and this will count as my first call in for you who keep track.

The dogs were really great company, especially Daisy. She is just so calm, she curls up and snores on me. Rugby and Abby and Phoebe also contributed to comforting me yesterday.

I was really upset, because I missed group. I am hoping to still get the group newsletter out with the prayer requests.

By the way, I will not be eating a Ruben anytime soon.

My first attempt at musical review

Well, I truly love this album, and I truly love Tree 63. I want to review this album for you folks and encourage you to buy it. No, I don't work for them, I am not paid for this. I am just a huge fan of their music. I am writing this without reading anyone else's review, because it always skews my thoughts.

The album starts with the title song, "Sunday." Its a rockin' song with a catchy tune. You may have already heard it on radio stations like KLOVE. Its encouragement through and through. We live in this world and it sucks, Jesus has died, but he will be resurrected, and return in all his glory. This is something to remind us that he HAS been resurrected and that good will always triumph over evil.

The next song is "Becoming." It totally rocks, and makes me want to jump and celebrate. This is the type of song I want to listen to when I am in a good mood and driving down the street. This would also be a great song to play for teens. It is full of energy. I saw these guys do this song live, and you can't help but jump up and down and celebrate! My favorite line "does anybody know that someone else paid" captures the celebratory mood. This song urges us to keep going. The one thing that kinda gets me in a wrong way is the short use of electronic hand claps, which are meant to fill in for real ones, which are much more phenomenal live.

Next in line is "World Undone." I can see this being sung in church. It is just an awesome praise song with promise of healing. Also it talks about how having Christ in your life makes you want to keep going, growing and making the world a better place. Its just a song about rejoicing. Great pace, not too fast, not too slow.

The next song, "Alright" is the one I posted yesterday. It is a slower paced song, but that really makes you listen to the words. I cried the first few times I heard this song. It really ministers to my soul. Many times while growing up I just wanted someone to tell this to me "its all gonna be alright." I know it now and believe it. As humans, we tend to forget this often. God is in control. Good always wins and the sun always rises. Its all gonna be alright. The melody is almost like a lullaby. It just soothes my soul, I don't know how else to say it. I want to make a video for it, but nothing I can do will give it justice.

"Foolishness," the next track, gives me mixed feelings. While I love the lyrics, and the smartness of the song, the background singing is distracting to me. It seems outdated and foolish. I sometimes wonder if it is not intentional.

"There is a Kingdom that Cannot be Shaken" is an awfully long title. This is another song that just gives you a good feeling. It reminds us that heaven is our reward, and God's kingdom exists.

"Almighty Silence" talks about how sometimes we just have nothing to say. Its when we just want to be still and know that HE is Lord. It is also a slower, calming song, really uplifting.

"Walking Home with You" takes up the notch and makes you celebrate with more energy. This song has a catchy tune, and it talks about The Bible, and Jesus sacrifice and that God is always with you. Its a really great song, and I see this being played on the radio.

"Not as this World" gets into deep issues. You can tell there is pain in this world, and the song sings to God "release me!" It just reminds me of many of the Psalms when David cries out for God. This song has true soul. Also knowing that the band is from South Africa, and is 5000 miles from home, it makes this song so personal to the band. I know there are times when God feels so far away and all you want is to go Home. This is that song. Powerful.

The next song is going to be a hit. "New Creation" is catchy and easy to follow. They also performed this song live when I saw them at Ignite Chicago. Great, high energy song that the crowd caught really quickly. We just celebrated because we are new creations. It rocks.

The last track, "The Revolution," is a call to action. A great tune calls you to go out and change the world. Who will feed the hungry if we don't? I really enjoy this song, and its ending just plays so naturally into the beginning of the album, that I start listening to "Sunday" all over again. It just flows that good.

This album rocks, touches your soul, calls you out to be something better than you are now, something God created you to be. It reminds us that God needs us to help Him change the world, but we need Him even more.

You can hear their influences of U2, Coldplay, and the Police and other great rock bands, but John and the guys truly make this their own. This album has a lot of "ohh"s on there, which I happened to notice seems a bit different than their previous albums, but I really like do like the sound of it.

I met these guys, they are so nice and genuine. They really have a passion for God, and it comes out in their music. I love how the guys have put out podcasts on YouTube and iTunes. Make sure you check out their MySpace page, where you can listen to the full version of "Sunday" and also samples from "New Creation," "Becoming," and "World Undone."

So, take my advice, go get the album! Keep an ear out for them, they are gonna be a big hit!

this song touches my soul

I believe a change is going to come

That yesterday is over
I do yeah I do yeah

The clouds have silver linings after all
I’ve seen them with my own eyes
It’s true yeah – it’s true yeah

Though darkness overcomes you now
Morning will break through somehow

It’s all gonna be alright – it’s all gonna be alright
Even this will pass – tomorrow comes at last
It’s all gonna be alright – it’s all gonna be alright
It’s all gonna be alright

The grass is greener on the other side
No matter what they tell you
It’s beautiful – so beautiful

Sow in tears and reap with songs of joy
No sorrow lasts forever
It’s true yeah – it’s true yeah

There never was a darkest night
Without the promise of the morning light

It’s all gonna be…

 Tree 63 "Alright" from the album Sunday

If I were a tree

What would happen if I were a tree that used to live in darkness, but now lives in the light? What would happen if you started to water me? What would happen if you dug around and fertilized me?

I would grow. I would grow fast and more wonderfully than before.

What would happen if I started to bear fruit? What would happen when the fruit fell ripe to the ground? Would some sprout and take root? Would some grow just as tall as me, if not more?

Would those trees bear fruit? Would I start a forest of trees? Would the trees eventually take over the world? I want them to take over the world.

Not because I was that first tree, but because He hung from a tree to bring me out of the darkness into the light. He watered me, and fertilized me so that I would grow. I am growing fruit for Him. Its all for you Jesus.

My love/hate relationship with nature

I love nature. I desire to be walking through the forest, or running through the tall grass, or laying down and looking up at the leaves.

ACHOO!!!!!!

I hate nature. The grass is itchy on my legs, there are bugs! Was that a bee? AH! Oh no, I think I am allergic to everything!

God created everything, and its beautiful. But then the Fall happened, and illness and allergies originated and life became broken. We wander in the land of Nod, east of Eden, sneezing.

Dave says sometimes that he often wonders why God made boogers. I know there is a scientific reason for mucus, but when you can't breathe, you often wonder why a loving God would do this.

This world is a broken world, and we long for the perfect world, the one God originally intended for us. It makes us long for home from deep inside when we realize this.

When I notice God in Nature, I try so hard not to think of the Fall, I try so hard to picture Home. That blinding sun is just a glimpse of what this body trying to look on His face is like. I long for Him, I long to be with Him, my Jesus.

And He is here, I know because He is alive, and He lives in me. That is the power of the Holy Spirit. Its all integrated, but in this world, its still not perfect.

Achoo! God, you are glorious.

Hiding out

We all have things about ourselves that we hide. It is good to hide things like your bank account and other personal information. It is good to hide stuff from strangers. When it is not good to hide is when we hide from God, ourselves, and our friends.

I am the type of person who likes to hide more from myself. If I deny that its a problem, I won't have to deal with it. And while it is true that God knows everything, I still hide things from him sometimes.

God wants us to feel free to share with him, for us to be open and have a relationship with him. That is why he sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, so that we can have that relationship. I need to remember that God wants to see the bad parts of me too, because he wants to love them and heal them.

I cannot hide anymore. God wants me to heal some things with my dad and his new wife Jola. Now, they are back home from Poland, and I am still having to live here with them. No where to hide here. I know that God will be with me and help me to heal, grow, and love... not just with my dad and Jola, but myself as well.

This remodeling project is WAY bigger than I planned. Thanks God, you know what is best!

Congratulations!

I am so excited to announce that one of my dearest friends is with child! Of course it is not public yet, so thus the secrecy.

I am sooooo excited for you my dear!

May your pregnancy be pleasant and your child be healthy. May your marriage grow and your life change all for the better!

Oh the possibilities

I wonder what my life would have been like if I had a tree house to hang out in. Bart Simpson has one, Jack and Annie have one of the coolest tree houses ever. Why couldn't I have one?

I tried to have a secret place to climb up to. Growing up, we had a little area on the back of the garage that I could climb up and hide. Mom forbid me to do so because she couldn't keep an eye on me there. Later, I ended up studying homework and listening to my Walkman in my closet. (I kid you not.) I even loved climbing the tree in our front yard until the mean guys from the city came and cut off my starter branch. I was in desperate need of a tree house.

I wanted a safe place where I could live a fantasy life, life the way it was supposed to be, where there was no fighting or yelling. Just a place where all of my friends were and we figured it out on our own. I of course didn't have that many friends either.

Tomorrow, The Treehouse starts at Celebrate the Journey. Its a small group for kids in 1st to 6th grade. Its a safe place where they can live life the way it is supposed to be, surrounded by lots of friends. Okay, there is no actual house in a tree, but I wish I had this as a kid. I pray with all my might that kids come out and experience something that I never had.

REMEDY IS HERE

David Crowder* Band rocks! They SOOOO take care of their fans! I ordered their new album Remedy off of the website, along with 3 older cds that I did not previously own. Not only did I get what I ordered, I got an awesome guitar pick, three stickers and this sweet tote bag. I had just been looking at bags to tote my C the J stuff in when BAM, one lands in the mailbox! Thanks God!

They also redid their MySpace page to match the whole album. You can go there to check out some of the music from the album.

I finally gave in and have stickers on my car. After all, its just a car.

Oh to have the weekend off... yay me! I can listen to REMEDY (which is awesome by the way.)

Abby update

I never realized how quiet life is without Abby. I was so lonely yesterday when I got up and she wasn't there.

Her vet visit went well, she was a good girl. She now has a shaved spot on her right front leg where they did her IV. Her hips look perfect, but her knee is a bit messed up, soft tissue wise. Doc thinks its her cruciate ligament. Wants us to do consults. We may be able to fix her up without surgery! YAY!

Pray for my doggie's knee to heal, so we don't have to do surgery.

But Shelley, its just a dog! No way! This is Dave and my baby girl. We love her like a daughter. Don't you dare tell me not to love her!

Oh and a praise! The Frontline is working! My dog is no longer a fleabag!

Bad news

Well, I have some bad news to share. Dave and I took Abby to the doctor yesterday. Abby has been limping for about a week, and it is only getting a tiny bit better, not a lot like I would hope. The vet wants to do x-rays to see what is going on with her leg. Her knee and her hip have some swelling. The good news is that we can do it at the same time we clean her teeth (and we got in this week for the special) so that she only has to go under once.

More bad news. My dog has fleas. This also means that the other two dogs have fleas and my cat has fleas, and the house has fleas and the yard has fleas and I just spent a bundle on flea medicine for 4 pets for 3 months. I hope they all die before we move back home. (The fleas, not the pets!) Too bad I can't make money opening up my own flea circus.

So that is hopefully all the bad news I get for the week.

Good news is the floor is mostly installed. I hope we can get er done soon, Dad and Yola come back next week!

Come on lets go...

Have you ever decided on something, and than gotten so anxious you want it right away? Take dogs for example. You ask them "wanna go for a walk?" and you cannot change their minds for the world. Dogs are focused on what they want, and they want it now.

Healing is different from that. Healing takes TIME. This means WAITING and PATIENCE and mostly RELYING ON GOD. Yes, you stay focused on your goal, but you have to be open to experience taking time.

Lets say you break a leg. You go to the hospital and get it cast, but you still have to wait at least 6 weeks for the bone to heal itself before you can remove the cast, and often you need to follow up with physical therapy. Why do we as humans want a quick fix for everything? Have we become too much like dogs, needing to go out RIGHT NOW?

I am hungry, I go to the drive thru. I don't plan ahead a meal, that would be to hard, and take time. Patience for me involves the time it takes to wait for my food at the window, sometimes to drive it home. Heck, sometimes I order something to eat in the car on the way home.

I really need to learn patience, I need to trust that I will heal in God's time, not mine. I trust you God, help me to live that trust that I have for you. Help me to wait, to be quiet.

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 33:20
We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
Psalm 37:34
Wait for the LORD and keep his way
Psalm 38:15
I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
Psalm 119:166
I wait for your salvation, O LORD, and I follow your commands.
Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
Psalm 130:6
My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning
Proverbs 20:22
Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.
Isaiah 8:17
I will wait for the LORD, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob. I will put my trust in him.
Isaiah 30:18
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
Lamentations 3:24
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
Lamentations 3:26
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
Micah 7:7
But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.