Groundhog Day

Bill Murray woke up every day, living the same day over and over until he got it right.  Okay, fine, it was the character that the actor Bill portrayed, but get my point here.

I don't really wake up getting the chance for a do-over per say.  I am stuck with what I have done.  But when the same junk keeps coming in my life, you would think that I would change what I do.

I am so hard on myself.  Probably the hardest person on me ever known to me.  I beat myself up.  I beat myself down.  I let myself get myself down.  I let my fear win.  I don't want to.

So many issues keep coming up in my life that repeat.  I learn things, but when will I ever get it right?  When will I ever stop the insanity (anyone remember Susan Powter?) and keep think that by somehow doing the same thing I will get different results.

I know Bill Murray tried like a million ways to kill himself.  I know it took him several times to get things right.  I know he had to do things over and over again before he realized that it did him no good.  Why should I beat myself up for the same thing?

How can I change when its easier to just sleep?

How can I not change?

How can I honestly go about my daily life without making changes?

This is where I stand.  Because when you battle depression, its like half of you wants to get better and the other half says "screw it!"  Its hard when you can't find motivation to do simple things like get up, or find the remote to change the channel.  Its hard to care about your bills when the thought of paying or not paying them drives you to insanity where you can no longer breath.

Which is why routine works.  Its why community works.  Its why having a God who pursues you passionately is the most important thing ever.

If I didn't bare my soul to a girlfriend who IM'd me out of the blue today, I wouldn't know that she really does care for me.  And yes, God uses the radio to speak to me.  On the way to work, love songs.  On the way home, a song I really needed to hear to remind me of his faithfulness.  And when I get busy at work, I can disappear into the rhythm of work.  I rely on it, I relish in it.  I need to be useful.

I ignore the vacuuming, maybe it will go away.  Maybe I will wake up to a small colony of groundhogs, or at least dust bunnies that have moved in and taken over.

God, help me get into a good routine.  Help me to make those choices that overcome depression and lead me into everlasting life.

Fireproof

"Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it."

Since my house fire in '07, I have had many other "fires." In fact, I believe that my first fire was training for the next fires that came.

I had lived at my home for about 5 years without insurance. I finally did it, and I am not saying that it was the insurance that caused the fire, but I am saying that it was God that got on my butt to get the insurance.

My mom had always been my insurance policy. She died and I had to find other ways to do things. I didn't have her to rely on anymore, I had to be an adult. I got married, I got insurance for the condo.

The night of the fire, I got down on my knees, crying. "Why God? Why now? The first thing Job did was praise you, but I don't know how to..." and with that, I realized that I indeed WAS praising God.

Praising God is not saying "things are okay God, I'm fine, thanks." Praising God is being open and honest with Him, going to God with your deepest feelings and needs. Praising God is choosing HIM first. Praising God is seeking His heart.

I have realized that this world is fallen, and God doesn't cause everything that happens in this world. But what he does do, it take it and use it for good.

Everything was happening it seemed all at once, and if I wasn't part of a church family, I don't know where I would be. In fact, its all still happening. Life happens, life goes on. But what I love about my church family is that they love me, pray for me, support me, guide me, call me out, and hug me. They are Jesus in the flesh to me.

In the Bible, you read about "The Refiner's Fire" in which silver is placed so that all of its impurities are burned out of it, so that it shines brightly and reflects the face of the refiner. I think that THAT is what being fireproof is, burning out the impurities in your life. That is what God does, he gets rid of the sin in your life, making you more the way he intended. Leading you into a life that is truly life.

As hard as it is, being put in the fire, I love coming out. Don't stop refining me Lord!

Look Maggie, a Lemur!

I have always loved the Simpsons. One of my favorite episodes starts with Lisa showing pictures to Maggie, and there is one of a lemur. Then Bart comes in and gets poked on the arm and goes "Ow, quit it." I think this is when he got a tattoo. Anyways, I just loved the way that Lisa said "lemur." I love the sound of the word lemur. It rhymes with femur, but is much more funny. Plus, look at the lemurs, they are the goofiest looking things ever! I love their ringtails and pointy ears and masked face.

Lemurs have absolutely nothing to do with me right now, except that it just seems how funny life is. We have lots of homework to do, mostly Dave does. And Dave started 2 new jobs, and actually works 40 hours a week now, which means we hardly get to see each other not tired.

This whole thing is taking some getting used to.

And then the sun has been missing.

Well, it did come back today, which explains the change in my demeanor. I wonder if a lamp would actually help me? When would I use it? I have no desire to go to Alaska at all. The sun dissapears half a year, and hangs around too long the other half. I think I wouldn't make it. It is hard enough with Chicago weather!

I need to write an update email, lots have been mentioning they would like an update.

I got through my Christmas cards last night, just need to check a few more addresses, and buy stamps (the line was Ginormous last time) then I can send them out.

I miss my friends Paul and Pearl, I haven't seen them in a while, and I used to see them all the time, so I feel so funny without them.

Oh, and life as we know it, its about to change.

By the way, I bawled my eyes out during "Bolt." Really good movie, for a cartoon.

Weigh IN.... and travelling and pants

Last weigh in weight: 238.5
Today's weight: 242.7
Total weight lost: 34.9 lbs.
Weight to lose to mini-goal: 17.7

This is what happens when you go to Burger King, McDonalds, or Sonic every day.
Also you spend a lot of time on your butt in a car or plane.
Also your Aunt Flo is in town and she is not in a very good mood. She brought a lot of baggage with her.

Celebrating this week: I went to the Old Navy jean sale on Saturday. Jeans were 12 bucks for adults. The largest size they have is a 20. I fit in them! Too bad they don't make my butt look like that<----- The great news is that I can finally shop at Old Navy and have Old Navy jeans. This has been a lifelong dream of mine, odd but true. See I have always had to shop in the Men's section, and now I don't have to, except for my husband, and now I can buy pants (for me!). Hopefully, my old pants will travel to someone who really needs them, as I will be donating them. I have a lot of reflections for the week, but it requires a separate post.

Busy week...

Tomorrow I have to be somewhere at 8:30 am. It is not like me to want to be somewhere that early. I am going to my church. They are a satellite site for the Willow Creek Leadership Summit. Two days of hearing from talented, experienced leaders. This should be cool.

Yesterday I was busy, and stayed up late to watch Batman Begins on our new, no-name DVD player. The player was attempt number 3 at getting a working DVD player, and I ended up getting the cheap no-name one to work. The first one skipped chapters at random moments. The second one wouldn't read any disc. This one works. Fancy names mean nothing in the long run.

Tonight is the wake for my friend's wife who passed recently. I won't be able to make it, much like I didn't make it for the wake of my co-worker who passed recently. If I am not related, I cannot get off work. Yet life is for living, and I know my friend will be surrounded by so many people that it wont matter much. He knows I am praying for him and his kids.

I remember my mom's wake, and how it was for catching up with all the people who did not come to visit her when she was alive and dying. No offense, but its hilarious how some people can make it to the funeral, but won't come visit while they are still alive. Dude...

My belief is WE ARE A SOUL, WE HAVE A BODY. Not we are a body and have a soul. Too many folks have that backwards. My mom is in her new body, dancing with my friend's wife in her new body, and having a great time in the presence of the Lord. I am not sad for her. I am sad for my friend's family and their loss. One day soon, all too soon, we will be up there with them.

My body aches and yawns for the next one, the eternal, painless one that doesn't need sleep. Until that time, I have to do the best I can. Speaking of which, I have things to do! Got to go...

All day with Dave

Saturday was one of the longest days ever. It was also one of the bestest days ever. Dave and I started out at Brady Spring Family Fun Day, helping kids to make flowers by tracing their hands onto felt, cutting it out and then using pipe cleaners to put it all together. We even helped a few parents to do so. It was fun, but we don't want to see felt and pipe cleaners for a long time.

After running home to let out the dog and grab a bite, we headed to the Box. Dave got to run cameras for the service and I greeted with a smile, handing out our new Connection Cards. Dave and I got surprise gifts from our friend Deb! (Thanks Deb!)

What amazes me is how many friends Dave and I have made since coming to the church. It has been 2 years, and there are soooo many hugs to be had. They help me get through the week.

When our duties were done, Dave and I filed into the Icon Theatre for the closing showing of "Love Notes." See, we had a "date night" and this was our time. Yes, we had already been at the box for 4 hours, but the next two slipped by like nothing. We sat side by side, holding hands and laughing, holding hands and snuggling, all while being entertained by wonderful excerpts from different plays and musicals. What we really enjoyed was seeing the chemistry on stage of the married couples that we know. While they were playing characters, we saw their true love shining through. It made us glad inside.

Then we headed off to dinner at Texas Roadhouse. The Roadhouse has become one of our favorite restaurants. They have awesome steaks at very reasonable prices. Seeing as I am on WW now, I got the 6 oz sirloin, instead of the 12 oz ribeye. Dave still got the ribeye. They were delicious.

We hurried home to the joy of Abby who was disappointed we did not have a doggy bag. (Do you blame us? That was some good steak!) We watched a movie that my friend loaned me (like a month ago, sorry it took so long!) Finally we slept, and we slept hard. You would too after 5 hours sleep and a 17 hour day.

Today the sun is out. Thank you God for the sunshine!

Vacation time

Well, while this is not my pets, they look similar. Too cute.

Dave and I are enjoying our vacation. Yesterday we got to visit some seniors that Dave knows from work, and it was great to spend some time getting to know them. We also spent some time volunteering at church (I stuffed programs, and Dave helped Lupe). I had an MRI of my bad ankle (finally) and we stayed up late watching Live Free or Die Hard. Dave also took me out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, BD's Mongolian BBQ! He got us a pair of gigantic Mongo Mugs to stuff our stockings. (Okay, the likelyhood they will ever touch a stocking is low, but its the idea...)

Wednesday, we bared the deep fog to visit some good friends of ours out in Sycamore. Driving down 88 is scary when you can only see two car lengths in front of you! Hector and Michelle served us a terrific dinner (thanks!) and we got to kick some butt playing Skip-Bo with them. Their baby boy is growing up sooooo fast!

Today we are hoping that the weather will accommodate us to drive around to see Christmas lights. We are also going to do some more movie watching and generally be lazy today. I made some killer grilled beef and cheese burritos for lunch!

Some people are amazed that Dave and I still volunteered while on vacation. The truth is, we would rather volunteer than work, but money is a necessity. We really find peace and happiness in giving ourselves.

Oh, and I never thought I would love kissing old people so much, but they love it! You know, the nice quick peck on the cheek.... it means so much to be able to bring them a moment of joy. It amazes me how they remember my name, I am so bad with names. Hopefully, that is something that gets better with age.

Abort mission, no go, NO GO

The other day Dave and I came across Space Cowboys with Clint Eastwood and some other great guys in it. It got me all into this mode for the title.

Turns out the underwriters are taking their sweet sweet time with my application, and I cannot close tomorrow on my re-fi. This means no blowing thousands of dollars at the Home Depot/Lowes/Menards tommorow. We do not have a green light. No go. Abort mission. At least for now...

In the meantime, I waste energy on Facebook when I should start packing up my china cabinet... Perhaps I will stop trying to pet all of the fluffs, at least for the day. I am going to throw sheep at everyone I know. Maybe pinch people too, or write on their walls.

Argh, I am tired... Well, off to jamma jam land.

Got God sized questions? Alpha has answers!

Seriously, I am not much for advertising stuff, unless its good. Alpha is good. If you go to CCC, or live in the Naperville vicinity, check it out :
Do you have questions about the Christian faith?

Are you wondering how Jesus and Christianity is relevant to your life? Or are you a new Christian who still has many questions about the Christian faith? Check out the Alpha Course “Dinner & A Movie” series on Wednesday, April 11th from 6:30 to 9pm at the Naperville - Yellow Box. “Alpha” is a 13-week course that explores the meaning of life and the basics of the Christian faith in a fun, relaxed way.

Contact: credford@wideopenwest.com or 630.588.5121

Now if you do not live in the area, you can go to the Alpha website to find where there are courses near you.

This is what happens when you come to Alpha:
1. There is good food to eat. I am talking a full meal here. You can donate money, or not... its up to you. But eat it. Also lemonade, water and decaf coffee.
2. There are great people to talk to. People who know Jesus, people who are curious about Jesus, people who are getting to know Jesus, all sorts. They come from all walks of life and have questions just like you.
3. You watch a movie. Nicky Gumble, who started Alpha, talks on the DVD. He is from England, which means he has a British accent. He is also easy to understand and pretty funny on occasion too.
4. You eat dessert. Yummy! Usually homemade stuff too! (Tom, please bring lots of whipped cream!)
5. You get to discuss what you just heard. Talk with others and see how they feel about it, ask questions, share your opinion, or just listen.
6. You get a book. The book is good if you want to read what Nicky just talked about, or take your time with the issue, or if you have to miss a class.
7. You might get to meet me and my husband. We love that Alpha helps people find their way back to God, so we are helping out the leaders this session. Now I won't be there as much as Dave, due to my work schedule, but I am bound to make a few appearances.
8. Last, but not least, you get a taste of small group community. Interested in joining a small group, but intimidated to go to someones house? This group meets at a very neutral location: the church basement. Remember, our church is a gymnasium that looks like a giant yellow box... nothing intimidating about that.

Starts Wednesday, April 11th at 6:30 pm. Seriously, think about coming. Bring a friend! Just let Catherine know so we make enough food!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

An announcement...

I thought that 3 dogs would keep me busy. I was wrong. No, I don't have a gazillion dogs, still just the one (and the cat that sometimes thinks she is a dog.)

On top of being busy with work, I actually have been busy with friends, and family, and stuff. Dave got a new car, a new job, and proposed to me this week. He was pretty busy too.

With his new job, we are going to try to adjust our schedule to be more day friendly, so dont expect me to stay up so late anymore!

So yes, we are engaged. The date is set for xx, pending our meeting with the pastor tommorow. Dave will get the rock once he has saved up, seeing as he just started his new job... I am starting a pool, and betting around Christmas or my birthday. But, it will be a suprise. I am excited, as is Dave. We already have the bridal party picked out, so if you haven't heard from us yet, sorry!

Hope all is good with all of you. I also got some bad news this weekend. It seems as if YOLA has tricked my dad into agreeing to marry her. They plan on marrying next month so that she can stay in the country. Lets hope she doesnt use him and steal all his money and stuff and leave him.

But back to the good stuff...
Our friend Mandy took Dave and me out to see a movie Saturday night after church. We saw THE DEPARTED and if you have any itching to see it, go... you will not be dissapointed. Finally a good 2 1/2 hour movie that doesn't feel like 4 hours. A performance by Jack Nicholson you cannot miss. Marky Mark Whalberg proves yet again that he can act. Matt Damon proves he hasn't forgotten his south Boston accent, and can act. Leonardo DiCaprio redeems himself after the whole Titanic fiasco. Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, and if that doesn't convince you the movie is directed by Martin Scorcese. Best movie I have seen in a long time. Be prepared for violence. In the meantime, I have to try not to say the F word so much, and I was doing so well and this movie brought it back.

Oh yeah, and I'm engaged! Sorry if the photo is misleading... I am not pregnant, just wanted to emphasize how busy I felt this week.