2006 Year in Review

I have never done this year in review before. I felt prompted to do so because I have had such a phenomenally weird year. I started out on FMLA leave from work to help take care of my mom. This actually began just before Christmas. In fact, we did not think she would make it through Christmas at all. It was a miracle she did. It was God's will.

In January, my dear friend Becky got baptized. This was an incredibly important day in my life for two reasons. First, my friend Becky was saved and changed forever. Secondly because I was called by God. God came over me and filled me with the holy spirit. He told me it was my turn, that he wanted me to be baptized, and to turn towards him, and live my life for him... to start going to church and to share the good news. In February, I bought my Bible that I carry with me today. I returned to work, and started attending Community Christian Church. I was baptized on March 19th.

Spring brought freshness into my life. Dave warmed up and turned towards God himself. We knew we wanted to be married, and made a commitment to each other at that time. It was hard to plan anything with Mom dying. We did grow a lot by taking "A life worth living" study of Phillipians at church. That is where we met our "Alpha" friends.

On June 30, Mom turned 55. She celebrated with a party and had everyone sign her sheets. I gave her new sheets with 600 thread count as a gift, she never got to use them. Her brain was so damaged from lack of oxygen and morphine combined that she became overly paranoid. One night I got a call that she had called 911 and was coming in to the hospital via ambulance. I was so mad at her, she wanted to die at home... In the long run, it ended up for the best. The doctors at the hospital were able to give her IV pain medication. They switched her from Morphine to Dilaudid and it was a miracle. The fog had lifted and the paranoia dissipated.

We were able to say good bye to Mom on July 6th. There was a party in her room with music and food delivered from Winfield House. That day I stayed at the hospital 28 hours. I finally went home after spending the night alone holding Mom. I took the best shower ever taken that day. I think I got an hour or so of sleep before the phone rang. Just enough to fuel my day. Mom passed in peace, she just stopped breathing. Megan called me. Mom waited for me to leave.

July was busy with her memorial and many other things. A friend took me up to Willow Creek in South Barrington for the very first time (see previous post.) I started blogging more in August.

September was full of excitement. Celebrate the Journey started, a support and recovery/small group program at CCC. I joined the Changes that Heal class. (The book is written by Dr. Henry Cloud, I highly recommend it.) I met several wonderful people and made some new friends there. Dad went on vacation with Yola and we had 3 dogs in the house for two weeks. That was chaos. Phoebe started peeing on stuff.

In October, we started volunteering at Brady Elementary reading books to kids. This is through Community 412 at CCC. (You can also read Kirsten's blog for more info.) Alpha started, and Dave volunteered to help, well I did too, but am hardly there due to work. Dave himself started a new job. Also, Dave and I got engaged officially.

In November, I got horribly sick right in time for Dad's wedding. Dave ended up in the ER after the service (it ended up to just be vertigo, thank God!) I also bought my dress, flowers and DJ and did marriage counseling with Dave. Thanksgiving was delicious, and the turkey put me out for an hour on the couch right after dinner.

December started off with beautiful snow and the Alpha retreat on the Holy Spirit. Of course, Christmas and all the assorted fun with that as well. Now I cannot seem to find any snow around.

I am happier, healthier, and all together a better person now than one year ago. I have to give all the credit to one guy: Jesus Christ. If I had not taken him into my heart and accepted him fully as my Lord and Savior, I would be dead. I mean that seriously. My depression had such a hold on me that I would not have been able to handle my mother's death and all that ensued following. If it were not for Jesus, I would be filled with darkness instead of light. Once I was blind, but now I can see. I once cried because of my father and Yola, now I am happy for him, and I see how good she is for him. If you saw me before it was black, and now I am white. All because of Jesus. I know what it is like to be dead, and to live again, I know the Resurrection power. I am a new person.

Here's to 2006, thanks for all the memories and growth. As for 2007, I cannot wait to see the joy in store for me and Dave as we begin our marriage. May God bless all of you this upcoming year.

Hangin in there

8 days to go! The countdown continues. Dave and I are hanging in there. That is me on top, trying to keep Dave from jumping (notice his eyes are open, he is on guard). We had another groomsman drop out, but have worked out the details. I have not yet updated our "The Knot" web page yet, so hang in there with us.

We got in touch with all our major vendors to let them know about the lineup change, and everything seems to be cool. In the meantime, we have to trust that God (the tree in the photo in my parable) is going to keep us safe and secure. The best part is that God doesn't break like real trees do, so no fear...

AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH the countdown begins...

10 days to go until the wedding! No wonder all my nails are gone! People ask me how I am doing. I guess I am ok, it hadn't really hit me yet, but I suppose I am feeling the crunch because my fingers are getting raw. I suppose I had better start finding other things to chew on. This baby has the right idea, don't start biting your nails, ever!

In the meantime, I have to harass people who have yet to respond via card or any manner. I paid the money to put the stamp on the envelope, how hard can it be? Oh, I am just as bad, I never send the thing either when I cannot go. I just don't want any surprises. Hi, I didn't know all 4 of you were coming, too bad we don't have enough table space!

I really should call my DJ. He is the only one I have not talked to since November. I need to tell him that Joe isn't gonna be a groomsman. I need to get the list of songs from my piano man to list in the program. I need to get my shoes. I need to shop for more decorations... I need white lights. Ok, well it sounds like I need to go to bed, but now I am too stressed out!

Merry Christmas to all

I thought for Christmas, I would share with you a picture of myself and Dave. It is probably one of the best gifts we can give, seeing as our budget is dry. It felt horrible to receive and not be able to give to family members and friends that we could not afford to put on our list this year. It felt horrible to only give so little to others when they spent so much money on us. I know for a fact that many people spent ten times on us what we spent on them.It did however feel good not to increase my credit card debt. (Not that I could, I am maxed out.) I hope that family members truly understand how broke we are. When Dave had to go to the hospital on the day of my dad's wedding, it did not help. Okay, it helped him, but not the bills. While we prepare to enter into our marriage (less than two weeks if you are counting) we face financial trials on top of everything else.

We need some prayers right now. I am truly grateful to God and what we have, and I am not asking for prayers for money. I am asking for God to be with us as we enter our marriage. I am asking for God to bless us in all our endeavors. I am asking for help with stress and managing money. I am confident that God will provide, and us two crazy lovebirds can fly off into the sunset together. I think I want everything to be just alright, and not tight so I cannot breathe.

I did have 3 great Christmases! As a bonus, I got to see my sister all three days! I got to spend time with the people I love. It was so hard to say goodbye. I wish they were in my life everyday. I guess I will just have to keep them in my heart.

Reindeer games

Do YOU know the secret words to Rudolph the Red nose Reindeer?

The other day, someone came in singing that song, and I chimed in with the extra words. The other person looked over at us like we were nuts. They didn't know that Rudolph had those lyrics.

So for those of you out of the loop, here (from my own recollection, not from any website) is the complete lyrics to Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (reindeer)
had a very shiny nose (like a light bulb)
and if you ever saw it (saw it)
you would even say it glows (like a light bulb)
all of the other reindeer (reindeer)
used to laugh and call him names (like Pinocchio)
they never let poor Rudolph (Rudolph)
join in any reindeer games (like Monopoly)
then one foggy Christmas eve,
Santa came to say (HO HO HO)
Rudolph with your nose so bright, wont you drive my sleigh tonight?
then all the reindeer loved him (loved him)
and they shouted out with glee (whoopee!)
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (reindeer)
You'll go down in history (like George Washington)

In first grade, I went to a private school. We had the fifth graders come sing us a song for Christmas. Children are such bad influences on each other. This is the Rudolph song you won't forget.

Rudolph the rootin' tootin' cowboy
had a very shiny gun
and if you ever saw it
you would turn around and run
all of the other cowboys
used to laugh and call him names
they never let poor Rudolph
join in any cowboy games
then one foggy weekend eve
Sheriff came to say
Rudolph with your gun so bright
wont you shoot my wife tonight?
then all the cowboys loved him
and they shouted out whopee!
Rudolph the rootin' tootin' cowboy
you'll go down in history!

Church is good, mmmkay?

Today (meaning Sunday, I do realize it is past midnight and technically Monday, but I still have not finished Sunday yet so there!)I finally got to reconnect with God by going to church. We missed last week, and so I really needed to spend some time just praising and worshipping Him. The message really applied to me in several ways, and I walked away from today knowing God better than ever. Three highlights to share:

1. God/Jesus is the perfect example. Ever question how to handle a situation? How did God handle it? Sure, he is God, but there must be a reason. What would Jesus do is more than a cliche, it actually makes sense when you are lost. Try it, you just might be surprised.

2. You can cry and worship Him. I became so overwhelmed with His love for me, and his Holiness and glory that I cried. I took communion, and had a communion with Christ. I cried. Yes, that is why I ducked out of the gym today. It was a good cry, and then I came back to sing His praises.Unfortunately, most people frown on mucus in church.

3. He can read your mind. Troubled about something? Someway, somehow, He will let you know. I have been worried about a situation, and it was answered right there in the message today.Here is how to deal with X, God said indirectly through Tim. If the church had the video up, I would link it.

Of course, all of this is backed by my continued Bible reading and prayer/ meditation. It is great having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Today, I got to go over to his house for a little while...

My God is a living God, active and powerful, meaningful today more than ever. May you be able to feel just a sliver of love that I felt today from Him, and may it bring you peace.

Melty

I just totally dig the expression on this rabbit here. Pretty desperate rabbit to lug out the hair dryer, er hare dryer. It doesn't look like that here though. Snow has melted. Every once and a while you come upon a black lump of ick that used to be snow. The only snowmen out now are the inflatable kind. So is global warming finally rearing its ugly head? Are we doomed for a horrible ice storm or blizzard later this winter? Well, only God knows. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what the weather is going to be like. Maybe its because mom used to be paranoid about bad weather. Maybe it is because it is the only thing out of my control. I keep thinking and wondering what the weather will be like for my wedding. I worry about the safety and travel of my guests and participants as well as what the day will look like. It is out of my control, and I realize that. So, why can't I let it go?

It is an important day. I know that my wedding happens only once in a lifetime. I cannot control the weather. I cannot control much of anything past what I have planned. What I want more than anything is something huge and overwhelming. Something I totally have very little control over. I want God to use this opportunity to show his love to people whose hearts are still hard. I want God to melt hearts at my wedding. Not for me and Dave, but for God. Is that ambitious? We are supposed to be lanterns, beacons of light for Him. I just pray that God is known at our wedding, and that our marriage brings his light to many others.

It won't happen overnight. Took nearly 30 years to melt my heart totally. Now I am all for him. Mold me God, shape me to your will. Let me be a light for you. If not a giant one, than just a tiny beam. I want the world to understand what it means to be resurrected. Jesus has brought me back from the dead, and he can do it for you. He can heal you. Let him. Jesus loves you.

Ok, cheese factor of 10 for this post. I apologize, but I am in love...

I want to know you, better than I do

My Bible reading has had me in John and Revelation. My cd player has Jennifer Knapp. The more I read the Bible, the more I know Jesus. The more I understand this trinity concept. The more I understand God's will. And the chorus for "Into You" run through my head.

She's a skin art junkie, all cute and petite
all her fat-cat schemes don't look around
don't you even blame me
it's a real bad thing to spill your shades for a blind man to find it
who can feel the whole earth move and don't even mind it

CHORUS:
I wanna know you
better than i do
relieve from myself, bring me into you
i wanna know you
better than i do
relieve me from myself, bring me into you

she's a wanna be hero
yeah, she try to be strong
but at the end of the hour
you find that the tower ain't standing so tall
it's a real hard thing
to show your weakness
if anyone can love you, i know my King does

-Chorus-

Your Holiness
Your Kingdom
Your Righteousness
My Freedom

she's an easy scare
she's a simple bluff
she's a timid girl
she's in love


That is me. I am in love. I want to give it up to Him so I can be free. I want to feel his love in me and through me and for me and for others. I can not use words to describe this. Read Jesus's prayer in John 17 then see if you get the feeling I do. One. Unity. Love. Not hate and disease and war.

My prayer is that this Christmas the world gets just a taste of the love of God. And it I pray that it makes the world thirsty for God. I pray that people turn to God to fulfill their thirst. I pray that all believers become stronger in their faith and learn to shine their light in the world. I pray that we all get to know you Father, better than we do.

Don't let it snow

Death of snowmen, my greatest wish. Not that I have anything against them, they are cute and all. I hate this frigid weather. My legs ache in the cold. My face and hands get extremely chapped. My gas and electric bills go up, because I need to supplement my furnace due to leaky windows. That and I hate the cold, have I mentioned? I loved Thanksgiving week. 50 degrees, sunny, and layers were totally unnecessary. This is the part of the year that I keep wishing would just zoom by. You might say here, but Shelley, why are you getting married in January then? Simple, I need yet another reason to look forward to winter. I need to have good things to go along with the bad. It would not be so bad if the wind didn't cut me down to the core, my lungs didn't protest with every breath, and my toes and fingers didn't have to defrost. I am really looking forward to Arizona, where I won't have to wear a scarf and 3 coats to stay warm.

One month to go... the final countdown

Yesterday, Dave and I got together with Troy McMahon. Troy is the pastor who will be officiating our wedding ceremony. We went over the ceremony details and Troy even had Dave practice repeating the vows after him. I got "mushy," as Troy called it, hearing Dave speak those words. This is the part where I thank God for waterproof mascara. After all, the photos happen after the ceremony. We also realized we need more music that I thought, and promptly notified our keyboard player. I also called Becky who will be doing a reading from the Bible for us. I kind of decided on this pretty much last minute, which is why I only asked her yesterday. Megan will also be singing a song, which she wrote. I am super excited about that.

I guess the way I will try not to be too "mushy" at my wedding is by thinking of Troy as Buzz Lightyear, Stretch Armstrong, a teddy bear, or He-Man thanks to his wife Janet and her blog entry about Troy being a toy. That is much better than picturing my guests in their underwear.

Now comes the part where all the details come out. The last 30 days of planning are here. Where does this go, who sits where, which song plays when. Have the dresses come in? Will they fit? Will all the groomsmen get tuxes, and in time? Will my dress fit? Will I be able to get everything done in time? Will I have enough money for Christmas and the last wedding details? Will I forget something?

The important part is that Dave and I both show up, oh and Troy. We are making vows before God, before friends and family, to love, honor and cherish each other. Yet I know we only do this once, and we want to do it right. We have the licence, Troy could have made it official yesterday! But we are gonna do something right for once in our lives. I know we are blessed by God, and we want nothing more than to be able to bless others with our wedding, our love, our faith.

Thank you to Troy for being such an important part of our lives.