Reflections

Sometimes this is me. I walk around, happy and content, until I look in the mirror, or see my reflection. Who is that? I don't look like that!?!?!

I see myself as an average person, until the reflection comes up, then I don't recognize myself.

No, no, I have beautiful curves, and this person has a HUGE butt, what is up with that?!? Maybe its just the mirror... but it is every mirror. Photographs are worse.

And then my thoughts don't help, just 30 pounds ago.... just 60... just 100...

My actions don't help. I don't get up to do anything. I want to, I make many plans to do stuff. I am tired, I am sore, other stuff comes up. My husband is great, he loves me the way I am, but if I don't do something that person in the mirror is going to just keep getting bigger, while the person inside just gets angrier. Its not too late. I try to tell myself that. And something always comes up.

How can I do something when I physically hurt so much? My feet, my neck, my shoulder, my back? Catch 22.