Dear-one

I have a friend now who calls me "Dear-one" and it means the world to me. I have a friend that has blessed me tremendously with her time, love and energy. She tells me that I have blessed her with mine. She is my mentor, so wise, beautiful and strong. She loves God most of all, and she gets it. She gets me. She prays for me. I never knew friendship would be, could be this way. Thanks God, you rock for giving me a friend like Diane.

Dear Tammy, I did not forget

Dear Tammy, and whoever else is following me on my weight loss journey. I did not forget. Monday I had such a good post, I didn't want to add numbers. Tuesday I mean to post, but I spent my morning at the church capturing video to edit for the judge. I will be editing next Tuesday, pulling it all together.

So, without further ado, I will step on the scale:
Last weigh in weight: 240.2
Today's weight: 239.7
Total weight lost: 37.9 lbs.
Weight to lose to mini-goal: 14.7

Back to losing... lets keep it up!

Post Not-So-Secret

There was a time in my life when I would drive down the street and see Jesus hanging from the cross on every utility pole. I had to make myself stop. I can still see it if I want to.

In my Bible reading, I am still in Romans 5. I am going through the Message, so that scripture is fresh to me. Romans 5 is kicking my butt still.

Click here to read it online.

There is so much I could point out. Like why I associated Romans 5:6-8 specifically to me seeing Jesus hanging from utility poles. This sentence in particular sticks out :"He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready." I was far too weak and rebellious. I was that sinner that held Jesus to the cross.

But it didn't just end at Jesus's death. No, He rose from the grave, He conquered death. So, now I have this chance at a resurrection life that He offers. "If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we're at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!" So what is this resurrection life?

This is the chance to start over, the chance to be clean. The end of chapter 5 compares Adam's sin to Jesus's redemption. It is actually quite a beautiful allegory. From the second Adam screwed up, Jesus was intended to redeem us. It took quite a few years, but it happened. "If death got the upper hand through one man's wrongdoing, can you imagine the breathtaking recovery life makes, sovereign life, in those who grasp with both hands this wildly extravagant life-gift, this grand setting-everything-right, that the one man Jesus Christ provides?" Oh, let me grasp this life-gift with both hands! Reading that sentence, or should I say, misreading that sentence, I saw a phrase that is not really there, but it is. See the words "recovery life" together? What they intended recovery as a verb, I saw as an adjective. Maybe its because I work in the support and recovery ministry.

Jesus offers us the chance at recovery. This "resurrection life" I am living, in modern terms is also a "recovery life." Have you ever met someone that truly embraces their recovery? They sing and shout the praises! I have embraced Jesus! I want to sing and shout HIS PRAISE!!!!

Anywho, back to living this resurrection life, instead of sitting on the computer typing about it.

Thanks to Jason, this will include a "Balls Tee." I think I am a mega-dork, but I love this idea.
Maybe I can get my photo taken with one or several pastors at church in the shirt. Hey, its a NewThing, baby.

Little Nuggets

Normally, in my quiet time, I tear through a few pages of scripture. Not recently. Recently I have been in Romans, and taking on only little nuggets at a time. Today it was Romans 5:1-11. Quite possibly my favorite line is v 8:

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. If I had a word tattoo it would say something like that.

The one that got me big time today was this:

rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

What? I am to rejoice in my sufferings? Yes. See, that nugget hit my heart today. Because of many things. I know what I went through with my mom sucked, but I can rejoice in what it has done for me and my sister and what a great relationship we have. Also my aunt and cousins and I have grown much closer because of it. What we are going through right now for Jeramy, it sucks, but I am so blessed to even have this opportunity, and if you knew how much I loved him, you would know that my tears are tears of love. And this ache in my heart is producing just that: perseverance, character, and yes HOPE.

The only reason I have hope is because "hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." See, I just know that God has promised all to work out for His glory, and whatever that might be, it will be okay. See, hope, Jesus, does not disappoint. So whatever will be, (please let it be), it will be okay as long as I trust in God.

Support me in my first 5K (walk)

I would like to ask if you wouldn't mind sponsoring me in my first 5K. It is a walk, I am not planning on running until the spring, I might try some jogging, but I haven't been training to run yet.

This benefits NAMI of DuPage which is an organization that helps with support, advocacy and education in order to improve the lives of individuals with mental illness and their families.

I am walking to help fight the stigma of mental illness.

I myself am treated for chronic depression, and I have and know many friends who have also been diagnosed with several different mental illnesses. So often people with mental illness are treated differently than people with physical illness. I am a case where I can definitely say that there IS HOPE!

If you would like to help support me and NAMI please do so before September 6th.

Make all checks payable to NAMI of DuPage County. Please ask your employer if they have a matching gift program as well.

You can email me, and I can send you my address if you do not have it, or give me the check in person. I will turn all of the donations in myself.

If you would like to read about the run/walk, you can do so by clicking here to view the PDF of the brochure.

If you would like to join me, let me know.

Thanks and God Bless!

Why Worship Music is MY Quiet Place

Yesterday I had an awesome one-on-one with my coach. I love how he asks me questions that get me to evaluate my thinking and thoughts and behaviors.

I think I realized how much my quiet time is really, really loud. I said I cannot still my heart for God until I am listening to music. This weekend at the concert, I was alone with God among 10,000+ people. I said that if I go off to the forest preserve, I hear birds, insects, wind, people, and traffic. You know what I do to focus on God? I sing a song in my head! When I am listening to music, all I can hear is God. I look at the sky, or the ceiling and take my focus off the people. I look up to avert my eyes from the world so I can focus on the Lord.

I also see God in other stuff, but I am my most intense, the most quiet in my soul, listening to God the most in the midst of loud music. Maybe it blocks out everything else, maybe its just how I am wired. In heaven, I certainly will be dancing and swirling and doing flips and clapping and raising hands. On Earth, I am doing less jumping, and doing flips, its harsh on this body. I have been suffering much in my low back since Sunday.

Maybe its how I am wired, or how I was raised, or both. Maybe its so I can justify my iPod as a spiritual growth expense, not entertainment. Music means that much to me. I desire to be able to play guitar or drums or sing, but that is not my gift. I can try, but my voice when I sing is for God alone, and if everyone else hates it, I know my King is delighting in me.

"Everyone needs compassion, A love that's never failing, Let mercy fall on me, Everyone needs forgiveness, A kindness of a Savior, The hope of nations... Savior, He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save.... Forever, author of salvation, He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave... So take me as You find me, All my fears and failures, Fill my life again, I give my life to follow, Everything I believe in, Now I surrender... Shine your light and let the whole world see, we are singing for the glory of the Risen King. Jesus." -"Mighty to Save" by Hillsong

Thanks to Lisa :) for letting me steal, er borrow her rainbow photo, visit her blog sometime.

Monday--I mean Tuesday Weigh-IN

Last weigh in weight: 239.9
Today's weight: 240.2
Total weight lost: 37.4 lbs.
Weight to lose to mini-goal: 15.2

Ruggy went home last night. Didn't get to say goodbye. I will miss him. I like the idea of a dog who will just lay down next to you. Abby won't. I don't think its possible for her. As a Jack Russell, she is doomed with doggy ADD. Laying still for her only happens when nobody else is doing anything.

The cat had just gotten used to the idea that Rugby would be staying here when he left. We hadn't seen her for a few days except for a few privileged cameo appearances for a nibble of food. She finally came out of her shell only to have Rugby leave. She is still happier that he is gone. So is Abby, because they don't have to compete for attention.

Okay, I will address the weight thing now. I am finding it hard to eat healthier. I indulged and ordered my quesadillas from Chili's and ate the whole plate. I should have packed up half, but no, I didn't. I knew I wouldn't. Dave's folks took us to Buffalo Wild Wings, I got the Buffalo Ranch Wrap, which is boneless fried chicken wings in sauce with ranch dressing, lettuce tomato and flour tortilla. I kept the chips and salsa, which is way better than buffalo chips, but stole like 5 or 6 of Dave's. That was Saturday. Then on Sunday we started off with Jimmy Johns, then at the concert, I had a hot dog and a slice of pizza. Then I had an entire enchilada plate at the taco place. I haven't been getting in my vegetables. (how do you do that at a ball park???) I haven't been eating my fruit even. I want smoothies, I bought frozen strawberries, but need ice and bananas. I shop tonight. Last night I ate Dave's leftover boneless chicken wings and nothing else. No veggies. I did eat a salad at work. With fat -free dressing.

What is stopping me? Me. Today Dave is picking up Portillo's for lunch. I ordered a beef with sweet peppers. Is it better than my two hot dog order, one with everything, one chili dog with?? Of course we will split the fries. I should eat some veggies first, so I don't over do it. I am ready to lose these next 15lbs, but I seem to be waiting at the bus stop. Its like saving money by not eating out... that's not happening here.

My car being in the shop, I have not been able to go to the gym yesterday or today, but I have bad sciatica from the concert on Sunday, so it might be good to rest -- or should I say not push it, until it chills out.

I did do one thing that has motivated me. I went and bought two new bras. It's like I have my boobs back. They were just hanging out, and now I feel like they are showing up and have shape. I went down quite a few sizes, so they are now properly supported. AND I got a "sports" bra as one of them. It was my godsend on Sunday as it kept the moisture off of my boobs. They were like the only thing dry on my body!

Ignite Chicago Rocked!

Yesterday, we un-officially launched our small group. For our first meeting, we had Jimmy Johns and went to Ignite Chicago!

It was awesome! My sister came down from Kenosha, and we met up with my buddy Bob. We also ran into a bunch of my friends from CCC.

Todd Agnew got on stage right after we got there, and he totally rocked! It was so good to hear live "Grace Like Rain" and some other awesome songs. When he finished, I went up to the concourse to browse stuff and fight the crowds to get more water. I ended up at the Todd Agnew table getting his new album right when this lady came up and said "Mr. Agnew is coming up now to sign autographs, you better start forming your line" to the guy in charge of the table. So, guess who was in the front of the line? ME! I got to thank Mr. Agnew for Grace Like Rain, because it has gotten me through a lot of hard times in my life and faith. He signed my CD and I asked if I could give him a hug. The man looked exhausted. Apparently there was a death in the family of one of the band members, so they had to catch a flight. That on top of the sweltering heat and crazy life of touring would have done me in. I am just so thankful for the opportunity to say thank you in person.

Of course, it was awesome as usual to see the David Crowder Band up on stage. They put on a great show, complete with the Keytar, the Guitar Hero guitar and the banjo. Not to mention the crowd interaction and the ho-down. Of note there was some girl next to me dancing like an MTV HO, and I said to her friend "that's the wrong kind of ho-down" and I don't think she got it.

Then we pushed up front for Mercy Me. Now, I know I know Mercy Me, and like their stuff, but couldn't have named a song they sing until now. Just because I have a hard time matching songs with artists, especially names, I have a hard time with names. Anywho, I was with my girl Pearl, and we had a great time worshiping God and rocking out together. We had a shared holy moment, and I got us some Mercy Me T-shirts to commemorate it, so we will remember it always.

Our legs were wiped, so we got some food and drinks, and sat down on our blankie for Newsboys. They did this awesome thing during the encore with the drums, I cannot wait for someone to post it on youtube. The lead singer kinda is creepy to me, but Paul Coleman totally is awesome. AND GET THIS, Paul likes them! Sweet!

After finding our way home, and almost destroying my car in the garage, we ate at Los Burritos Tapatios and came home exhausted. Of course we stank, so everyone had to shower before bed. But, great times were had by all.

Thanks to Edan concerts for throwing this together. It rocked!

POSTPONE THAT

Paul decided to postpone his baptism. Here's why...

He wants Ed to be in the water with him, along with Dave and myself.

Ed's wife is in the ICU and not doing well.

Please keep his family in your prayers.

If you pray...

This Saturday I am going to be baptizing my friend Paul.

I remember when I first met him, and how I decided to pray for him. If you know what Paul has been through, it is a lot. I prayed one tiny prayer, and God gave me the opportunity to follow up on it. So this Saturday, myself, my husband Dave, and our friend Ed are going to be killing Paul. His old life is done. It will lay in the bottom of the baptismal with my old self and Dave's old self and... lots of dead people.

Time to start new in Christ my friend!

To Paul: I see so much potential in you. You are very eager to learn, and have the potential to help others learn a lot as well. You are a very talented artist, funny jokester, and all around great guy. You have a heart made of gold, and a mind like a sponge. You are fun to be around and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you! I love you brother!

If you have met someone and felt compelled to pray for them, do so. Don't give up. Even if you can't remember their names all the time. One day, God just might bring them back into your life, and give you the opportunity to help redeem the lost. Maybe your prayers are helping others to do the work. Whatever it is, never ever give up hope or faith.

Dog Days of Summer

It is hot outside. I love the sun. I shouldn't be in it, with my fair skin.

Today was a big test for Dave, and its over. Results are good. Leaving the hospital, some guy backed into my car and drove off. Great, now I have to call the cops on some handicapped guy and my poor starved, drugged husband has to wait to go home. But it will all be okay, there is some damage to my car, but I have to deal with it. It will not go away if I blink.

This weekend I am gearing up for a concert to spark a revolution, Ignite Chicago, which is gonna rock off my socks! Read about last year here and also here. I just love the chance to worship, especially live with the artists and on a beautiful day. Last year it was perfect, and I am praying for reign but not rain on Sunday!

Pearl comes back from camp just in time. I really had wanted Jay to come. But maybe next year. Ticket goes to Pearl instead, yeah Pearl!

The weekends are going by so fast, hopefully I will feel that way when its time to go out west. I am just going nuts not writing about it on the blog. I am so sad, and I miss him so much. Soon enough, being patient ... or trying.

Monday Weigh-IN: Oh Happy Day

Last weigh in weight: 243.1
Today's weight: 239.9 (3.2 lost!)
Total weight lost: 37.7 lbs.
Weight to lose to mini-goal: 14.9 I CAN DO IT!!!
Clothes size now: 22 (at start:26 tight)

Trying not to lose focus or hope on this journey. It seems like I had more hope when people were not telling me I looked good.

I hear it all the time now. "Looking good!" "Have you lost some weight?" "I can tell!" I try not to let it get to my head, I say stuff like "miles to go!" and "Its just the beginning!" Finally fitting into some stuff that my sister saved for me, but she just gave me some size 16 stuff! She is down to a 14! (Go MEGGIE!!!) I am dying to get out of the 20s! I would love to weigh under 200 lbs again. I don't know how long it has been.

I really want to be able to run. I want to run a 5K. I can't. I have way to much weight right now to run. My heart wants to explode. I can do the elliptical just fine, but forget about actually lifting up my own weight and landing on it. I have a bad back, bad feet and bad everything. I need to drop some more weight before I can start jogging. It is just too much for my body.

So I must have patience! Persistence with diet and exercise. When I say "diet" I am not talking about the 4 letter word, I am talking about the when you go to the zoo and see them feed the animals, they are administering a diet, that diet. The food I eat has to be fuel, and not garbage. And not too much, don't want my tank to overflow! Enough to keep me running, er, this analogy is getting stretched.

The Happy Day reference is for Paul.

Soul Food "actions v words"

I love to read the Bible. I try to do it every day. It feeds my soul. Sometimes things stick out at me.

In today's reading, Jesus said (and I am paraphrasing) you can talk a big game but it is really your actions that count. Basically he was defending himself. He could claim to be God but it meant nothing without all of the miracles that he performed.

You can claim to be a Christian, but are you really backing that up with actions? Are you feeding the hungry, loving the unlovable, healing the sick? Do you love your enemies?

I ask myself that a lot. I try my hardest to not do anything to give Jesus a bad name. So much has already been done in his name that was so wrong (aka the Crusades) that I don't want to hurt him. There is a book that is titled something like "I love Jesus but not the church." Also one that is like "Jesus save me from your followers." In fact it was many "Christians" that have kept me from coming to Christ in the first place.

There are several people who I can think of who claim they have Jesus in their heart, yet they are so mean to others. Do they even know? If you have Jesus in your heart, you have to be Jesus to others! You can't just claim the peace for yourself and leave it there! If you truly had the peace of Christ, you would be spreading it loud and wide! If you truly had the peace of Christ you would be SALT and you would be LIGHT. Many people claim Christ, but act more like day old fish. They just stink to be around and everyone wants to toss you out.

Yes, I love you. Yes, Jesus loves you. Please, consider your actions as if you were representing Christ if you are going to claim to be a Christian. Stop giving us Christ Followers a bad name.

Monday morning weigh-IN

Nothing like a great weekend to give you an energy boost. I had a great one!

Saturday I went to my dad's for brunch. My sister made blueberry and banana pancakes! Yum! Then we went to my aunt and uncle's house. My cousin and her husband from Indiana were there (Boilermakers, not Hoosiers) as well as my sister, Megan. We had a great time, chatting, swimming, eating yummy food, and playing tetris with Megan's mini-van.

Sunday started out with a Celebration Service at the Yellow Box that rocks, and then we picked up Paul and Pearl and headed to the BEACH! We drove up to Wisconsin, and it was gorgeous! So much fun, and Becky met us at my sister's house and then we hit the sand. The water was COLD! But the sand was bearable. We swam, hunted rocks, dug holes in the sand, and chatted. Then we hit Texas Roadhouse for some kick-butt steaks! After the drive home, we stopped at Coldstone for ice cream. I had never been there before, so what a perfect night topper. As we stood outside, we could see fireworks on the skyline.

Award goes to Paul for most rocks ever.

Here goes the WEIGHT ugh...

Last weigh in weight: 243.1
Today's weight: 243.1
Total weight lost: 34.5 lbs.

NO JOKE! Yeah me for not gaining! Even with steak AND ice cream!!!

Now, I have more energy, its back to business. I have a 12 hour day today... got to go!

Thank YOU

Thanks to all of my friends who encouraged me yesterday and showed me love that I am not used to. Its all still new to me.

I am not used to receiving this "unconditional love" from anything other than a dog. Now I have some wonderful women in my life that I know really mean it when they say I can call in the middle of the night.

Every day is new day. Thanks Jesus.

I did not get punched

My car door slammed on my face, so if you see me with a black cheek, I am okay. Sore, but okay. And no, I did not get punched.

I am sure this is gonna leave a mark.

Ch ch ch ch changes... weigh IN

Chopped off like 10 inches of hair. This will be two weeks, but just now blogging on it.

Joined twitter http://twitter.com/shell_e

Mom will have been gone for two years on the 7th. Heavy hearted...

ok, fine, I will weigh in but I don't want to!

Last weigh in weight: 240.5
Today's weight: 243.1

see why I didn't want to!

Thanks Aunt Flo!

I am hitting the gym tomorrow. I missed it.