Learning to walk

I am about to be blatantly honest, brutally true. If you prefer things that are not deep, go check out Perez Hilton's blog, do not read mine. (You should have figured that out by now.)

I suffer from chronic depression. Since I have gone to God, and nailed my depression to the cross, I have entrusted him to "slay this dragon" for me. But it is not instant, it is a process. It took me 30 years to get the way I was, and I still have a long way to walk before I am away from it fully. Sometimes I forget that. I get cocky. Just because the dragon is injured, does not mean it is dead. The sinful life inside of me, the old me, still comes to a head every once and a while, and I let it take a firm grip before I feel any pain because I would like to believe that it no longer exists. The enemy is real, a force to be reckoned with. Cracks form in my defense, I am just a baby, barely over one years old in my "new life" and I am still learning how to walk.

Unsatisfied holes from my childhood are just starting to be filled with the love from God and the Church Family. I am just now starting to let them be filled. I am just now starting to reach out to people for friendships and relationships to strengthen me. When an opportunity to injure me comes up, the devil sees it and sneaks in like... well, the devil.

I realize that I have not had good human role models for certain things, and I should not be trying to step up and do things I don't know how to do correctly. I am going to step down, and learn these things in a better environment, a safer, more loving environment. This is not quitting, but realizing when I need to step back and learn more. Maybe one day I will be able to step up again, if it is God's will. In the meantime, I have to remember that I am still learning how to walk, I am still a toddler. That also means its okay if I fall down. God is there, my perfect parent, guiding the way.