Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Been there, wrote the book, watched the made for TV movie

I understand that life happens.  I understand that tv shows are based on real life.  Why does it seem I live in a bad mini-series, after-school special, or Jerry Springer episode?

My counselor tells me its because I actively engage life.  Many Americans drink beer, watch TV and go to bed.  I live the life.

Okay then, why do bad things happen to me?

Either because you keep making the same mistake, or to make you stronger, or because with increased involvement comes increased risk.

Kind of like with great power comes great responsibility?  (ya know, from Spiderman?)

If you go to Vegas and don't place any bets, you can't win.  You can't lose either, and you just have lots of bets on the table.  You are winning more than you think.

So I am, I have a great husband who loves me, and Jeramy loves me, he really does.

Yes, he does.

And I have good friends and family that I love and that love me.

Yes, you do.

So why do I hurt so much?

Why do you want what you do not have?  You have so much life to live right now, so many wins.  Time to cash in your chips and head home.

But-

You have family, friends, and love.  Work on those, be content with what you have.


-

You don't have to have more.  Maybe what I see is that you seek glory and fame outside of what you have, where you have so much already around you that you cannot see.

Can't see the forest through the trees.  (the beautiful people)... How come I keep needing more?

How come you think you do?

Why I am having a conversation with my therapist on my blog?

How come you stopped journaling?

I feel like I pay this man to be my friend every week.  That breaks my heart.

How come you don't call your friends?

They have lives, kids, jobs, ya know.  I work when they get home.

Excuses.

I know.  You're an awfully mean friend.

Just telling the truth because I love you.  That's what friends do.

Hey, I pay you.  It bothers me that I have to pay you.

Technically your insurance pays me.

Good thing, because you sure need therapy.

Hey!

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