Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes now...

Ever wake up with a song in your head? 

get up and shake the glitter off your clothes now, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas

I woke up with Katy Perry in my head.  Have to admit the song is catchy, but I always wrote it off before.  I have never been to Vegas, its not my thing.  I don't like to gamble.  I did consider moving there because its a 24 hour kinda place, but decided against it.

Something told me to pay attention.

You see, God sometimes uses the weirdest things to get my attention.  It can be a song, a tv show, a book, a person, or just a bird in the sky. 

If you have read the posts in the past, you are caught up on my story.  I was getting ready to live again.

Out of my blind spot I got hit.  Cramping and pain on my way to work after I got to hug Cassie.  When I had a chance to check, there was blood.  This was pretty darn painful, worse than normal.  I freaked out and called the doc. 

The next day wasn't so bad, but I went anyway.  The urine came back "faintly positive" for pregnancy.  They drew blood.  Three options possible: I was pregnant and the baby was growing, I was miscarrying, or it was just stress.

I knew Sunday for sure I was miscarrying.  The pain was horrific, worse than before.  I grit my teeth, and hung on, and I told my mother in law.  I needed that, it felt nice to have her.  Monday the call came in positive, and I followed up with a blood test that day which said the levels had dropped.  Early miscarriage confirmed.

Three strikes you're out.

That's what it takes to be considered having issues.  Wikipedia let me know that sometimes it could be a number of things, and to be honest, the odds are stacked against me.  Hypothyroid and stress, stress, stress.  Not to mention the large number of medications I take and my BMI isn't what one would call healthy. I am at the heaviest I have ever been my whole life right now.

It wasn't the right time, and I didn't even know.

Sometimes the hardest things are blessings in disguise.  I know right now is not a good time for me, and I thank God for that.  But still I had to mourn.  Still I got knocked down.

So when I woke up with get up and shake the glitter off your clothes now, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas in my head.  I knew it was time.

Good thing I had therapy.  I talked it out, I went through my doubts and fears.  I have no problem opening up to my therapist, and he helps me feel safe, and corrects my wrong thinking.  But also, he lets me feel.  He lets me know that what I feel is okay, but I don't have to stay there.  And I walked out ready to shake off the glitter, to leave Las Vegas.

Vegas is just a metaphor for me, see I have never been there.  My therapist understands how I use deep metaphors, and he actually loves it.  He gets me and the way I think.  He gets that I think in pictures, stories and metaphors. 

But there is more.  Shut up and put your money where your mouth is is the other line in the song.  That means quit talking and start doing.  Quit talking about living life and actually live it.  Quit dreaming, quit fantasizing, and quit putting yourself down.  Quit living in this fantasy world where everything is perfect.  Shut up.  Just do it.  You talk a big game, but let me see you lay down your money, your life, your pride.

So I called and booked lunch with my good friend for my birthday on Monday.  I shook the glitter off my clothes and had a good day at work.  People wondered where the energy came from.  (Of course I started taking a B vitamin complex- I am sure that helps)

I have to pick two things each day to work on for just 10 minutes.  Yesterday I took a hot bath to soak my sore muscles and started this blog entry.  Today I finished it.  Writing is therapeutic.  Especially if it helps you get a song out of your head and put it into action.