Hair today, gone tommorow

I cut my own hair today.  I have never done that before.

Then, later, after work, I dyed it. I don't normally dye my hair.

What is it about me that when I want to change, I start with my hair? 

I can control it, see a quick change.

I can't control much else.  My weight, my feelings.

So I cut my hair.  I change the color.  Only to find, I still look like me.

And apparently I have skills I did not even know.

One would even argue I didn't even dye my hair.

I like it. Its what I have wanted for a while.

I hurt so much I sometimes wonder if I can ever fix what inside is broken.

I need to keep surrendering to Jesus.  You can have it all, my empire of dirt.  My land of dustbunnies and furballs laden with mistakes.  Fill in the gaps, the space between. 

Help me to change more than just my hair.

Mend my heart.  Fill it make it clean.