it was busy

According to my pedometer, I walked over 9 miles at work today.

I am pooped. My feet hurt.

I should get off the net, eh?

I can't help but think about my taxes and how I am going to do them. Will you do them? I am going to put my feet up now.

I hear the strike is over

Sadly, I have yet to watch any TV. I can barely keep up with the movies my friend loans me.

Maybe this is a good thing.

Keeping my eyes focused on what really matters...

For where my treasure is, there lies my heart. See Matthew 6:21

My treasure has not been in TV. My heart has been far far away from that. I will however take the time to go and do this, despite my hatred for Broadway.

Waiting.... on the world to change

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There is a difference between wanting to change the world, and actually doing it. The hard part about actually doing it is that the movements you make are so small in the scheme of things, you really don't feel like you are doing things. But I have found that the biggest world changing moments are in the small things. In the doing of things.

See, I used to not do. I would just wait on my friend to call, wait for the email, wait for whatever. John Lennon said "life is what happens while you are busy making other plans," I say that life is what happens, irregardless if you make plans or sit still. Quit making plans, quit sitting still. Quit hanging out in your "safe zone" and stretch yourself. Life happens, you can choose to be a part of it, or just watch it pass you by. I am choosing to participate. I didn't used to. Life used to happen to me, I didn't live.

So, what do you do to make a difference? How can you change the world? Try smiling. More and more I notice that people don't smile at you, and they don't acknowledge your smile. Do you know how nice it feels when someone smiles at you? It feels good, pass it on, make it contagious. Society wants us to be selfish and angry, so we should be selfless and joyful.

When you turn on a light, all the cockroaches flee. If you want to stay away from the roaches, turn on a light, and watch the world change.

week 5 weigh in for 5

That's right ladies and germs! 5 lbs!

Total loss 17.8.

yeah me!

Change the World?

How do you change the way the entire world thinks? How do you get people to see the truth instead of being blinded by the blatant lies?

I have no idea. I can't do it alone, I know that.

How do you change years and years of thinking? How do you change a family pattern that has gone on for generations?

Eric Clapton doesn't know.

I do know that "God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors..."

I do know that my Jesus came to the earth and loved the poor and accosted the arrogant. When He came, and died, and rose again, the world changed.

But somehow, we lost touch with that and follow the same rituals that Jesus put down the Pharisees for doing.

Here I am, reading The Forgotten Ways, praying to find out how I can help to change the world.

Where is it that you want to see the world change?

Follow me

"He took it. He blessed it. He broke it. And gave it to them." That same pattern is repeated throughout Scripture.
~Thanks to Tony Morgan who blogged about Bishop T.D. Jakes speaking at the C3 conference.

This is what God has done to me.

I read this, and it hit me. God has taken me, blessed me, broken me, and now is giving me to them.

Isn't that what Jesus did of Himself?

I am His, I am chosen, taken if you will. This brokenness was hard. I had to give all I had. I died to who I was. Ask people who knew me then and who knew me now. Yes, I always was Shelley, but my life is different, my life is changed, my life is NEW. (Resurrection Life)

Now I am giving back something I never knew I had. Because it is not me. I never was about me. Its about God. Always was about Him, always will be.

And this new life, its new every day. Every day I get brought closer to God. Every day He blows my mind. Every day my heart strings are tugged. I cannot help but to follow. If I do not follow, I will burst.

In Matthew alone Jesus says "follow me" six times! Six! John and Luke 5 times! Every day I learn more and more that being a Christ-follower is not just about being a "new fangled Christian" but it is really about submitting and following. When I handed my life over to him, I was like a fish, caught on a hook. Every day He reels me in closer and closer to Him, and the closer I get, the more I love it and cannot wait to swim in to shore!

I feel like Peter at the end of John when he cannot wait for the boat to come in to shore, he has to dive in and swim to shore to be with Jesus right away!

Welcome to Recovery

This winter, I started in the 12 step group apprenticing. I sat in for a couple weeks before my leader mentioned to the group that I would be helping out. Slowly I got to know my group, love them, pray for them, and have a deep admiration for them and their honesty. I have been in other groups before, but none as honest and outright as this 12 step group. There is just something about being broken hard that makes you fall that much more in love with God.

What really gets me about this group is that I can tell how much they all truly care for each other. You should see how they just swarm on and love newcomers. It would make even the most doubtful come back. Nothing against any of my other groups, magnificent healing has occurred for me there as well. This is not better, just different. Sometimes we all need something different.

So the announcement was made this week that I would be transitioning into the role of leader, so that my leader can transition into the role of coach. Surely my old, scarred self was full of fear. “People don’t like change, they won’t want little ol’ inexperienced me taking over,” I thought doubtfully to myself.

What I experienced was just the opposite. My new friends were very happy for me, even somewhat proud. It just seemed so natural and welcoming. It went well. I got hugs that I was not expecting. A giant weight was lifted, and instead of nerves, I felt love.

When I discussed how opposite to my old life this reaction was with my leader he said to me with a smile, “welcome to recovery!” I cherished that. I will try to never forget that in recovery, life does not have to be the same as before. In recovery, things can and will get better. In recovery there is love from the most unsuspecting places. Welcome to recovery, where God will make a way, and change is ultimately a good thing.

Read this post on the C the J Blog!

My Celebreality

Something funny happened when I started coming to CCC. All of the sudden I could care less which country Brad and Angelina adopted their baby from. All of the sudden I was interested more in guys like Dave Ferguson and gals like Kirsten Strand.

The first time I noticed this was the summer of '06. We hardly knew anyone at the church, and over the summer, my soon-to-be husband and I played "pastor bingo" trying to see who could spot the pastors first. We got extra points when they were seen in the same place at one time. Then Kirsten moved to East Aurora. I started to invest my heart and prayer in people who were doing things for God. Never mind why Rosie and and the Trump are fighting, has Kirsten sold her house and then how are the boys fitting in at their new school?

This fall, I commented on John Blumberg's blog which ended up being the subject of one of his newsletters. Me, influence a published writer? No way!

One day this winter I found myself having a life discussion with JJ and Dave in the GLC after service thinking this is way better than meeting Bo Jackson!!!
I am also totally blown away by my friendship with Diane that has developed since joining CtheJ.

I have become totally immersed in this new life, this Kindgom Life. I am finding that my dreams are God's dreams and that I am becoming a part of all this and making it happen. That staff blogs are now what I read while my coworkers dive their noses into US Weekly. My day is no longer complete until I read the Bible and talk to God.

It all hit me hard yesterday after a meeting at the Box when Perry Martin came up and introduced himself to me. Perry is the pastor at Yorkville, and therefore wouldn't know me from the other people around. Yet he wanted to know me, my name, who I was, what God was dreaming in my life. I told my husband that it was kinda like Brad Pitt walking up and introducing himself to me.

That is how I feel, and it is crazy silly. It is even crazier that I am posting this blog. Yet I wouldn't trade last night being with Dave, Bill, Eric, Carter, Perry, Pat, or Kathy for the world! No way could Tom Cruise beat Dave Ferguson. Don't worry Jon, he wouldn't beat you either!

Week 4 Weigh In

Another 3.6 lbs has bit the dust this week for a total loss of 12.8 lbs. I still have under one pound to lose to be at my 5% goal.

This weeks goals: move more, sit down to eat. (Sounds contradictory, but really if you think about it, it will make sense!)

I am going to start by doing a victory dance!

That was fun! Good thing no one was taping it!

Waiting for spring

I cannot wait for winter to be over. It is raining today, and I don't want to go out. I hear the wind blowing through the trees and it makes me want to hide in bed all day.

I know today is my day off, and I have things to do, but I don't wanna. I know I will feel better if I do, so I suppose I should not waste the day.

So I should stop blogging then, right?

I will overcome

Slowly but surely I am tackling fears of my past. Yesterday it snowed. In fact, it has been snowing a lot on Tuesdays... Anyways, I had to drive to Aurora and to Romeoville yesterday. It took me 45 minutes to get to Aurora and just under and hour from Aurora to Romeoville. Would I have ever gone and done this before? No. No way. Mom freaked out in bad weather, and that led to a lot of anxiety in me when faced with bad weather. She also freaked out on busy roads, which would have totally gotten her with the combo.

I gave my testimony again, which is why I was in Romeoville. A huge part of my testimony is this passage from 1 Peter 1:18 "God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors..." that Mom wrote on a scrap paper. At the bottom of the note it reads "HE DID THIS FOR YOU!"

This passage, and the fact my mom wrote it, gives me strength. Strength to trust in God to take care of me. It is going to be okay. When I trust in God to handle the situation, and know that I am safe, its like finding out that the crocodile was just a statue. All of the fear fades away, with a big sigh of relief.

All of my life I kept looking to people to tell me that it was going to be okay. I was looking in the wrong place. It was God whom I needed to ask "is it going to be okay?" God answers "it may not be easy, it may not be what you expect, but IT IS GOING TO BE OKAY. I AM. I AM IN CONTROL. Don't you worry my precious child, everything will work out according to my will. I am good, it will all be good."

Thank you Father God.

Weighed in! (week 3)

I lost one dog, I mean one pound this week. Total of 9.2 lbs since I started. Yeah me! I was upset it was only one, but then I remembered something crucial:

I didn't gain anything!

Slowly but surely, this thing takes time... I will do it healthily. I am learning how to eat healthy. To live healthy. To feel healthy. To claim back my life that God has given me.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord...

I was so annoyed we sang that song twice in service. I should have been paying attention. God speaks to me every day, I just need to open my ears and listen.

You are the Everlasting God... The Everlasting God... The Everlasting!!!!!

Birthday Presence

-So, how was your birthday, do anything fun?

~Yeah, I worked.

-Did Dave get you anything good?

~Yeah, he took me out for lunch and got me a gift certificate to Borders

-Cool, well hope you had a good birthday!

~Thanks, yeah, it was good.

I just cannot describe to people the way I felt on my birthday. See, Thursday (the day before) I had this awesome meeting with some people, and found out that God is working to get some great stuff together. A dream that I had is going to come true. A way that I can help and serve and give back all for God is starting to take shape. God gave THAT to me for my birthday! So recently I feel like I have fallen in love all over again. It is hard to explain the whole thing, but lets just say it rocks! I have been in this awesome mood and totally praising God recently!

If this starts to take more of a shape, you will get details eventually. Lets just say that people, places, events, and experience are all coming together thanks to God. If this all works out, it will be the bestest ever. Thanks God! You are good!

Who me?

God, whatever it is that you are doing, I have to trust you. I really don't feel worthy of this, so thank you for the opportunity.

Please help me to live up to what you desire, I give up my old lazy self to you, in hopes that I can do whatever it is you are about to ask me.

You are the awesomest, the most faithful, the most wonderful. Lead me Lord, and help me not to pay attention to the storm around me.

In the name of Jesus, Amen

Sheep go to Heaven

You should check out this fun game online. Its free and easy to play. I just love anything with sheep, okay!

It is based on the story in Matthew 25 "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left."

Also, it features a fun song by Cake. Cake does the "I wanna girl with a short skirt and a long jacket" song that I love.

So you use the "S" key to choose salvation. Click on sheep to send them to heaven. Use the "D" key to choose damnation. Click on the goats to send them to hell. Try not to mess up, time is limited and the levels get more difficult.

Its a really fun waste of time. Enjoy

Weigh IN week 2

2.2 Pounds lost this week! Total lost 8.2!

I go down in points now, because I dropped below the mark!

Praise God!

Who am I?

"King David went in, took his place before God, and prayed: "Who am I, my Master God, and what is my family, that you have brought me to this place in life? But that's nothing compared to what's coming, for you've also spoken of my family far into the future, given me a glimpse into tomorrow, my Master God! What can I possibly say in the face of all this? You know me, Master God, just as I am. You've done all this not because of who I am but because of who you are—out of your very heart!—but you've let me in on it." 2 Samuel 7:18-21 The Message

Sometimes I get to thinking that it is all about me. It's not.

God, you have blessed me so awesomely, please help me to remember that you are my source and I should come to you for everything.

I just love David's story in the Bible. I am reminded that even the best fall down sometimes, and it will all be okay when it does happen, if you give it up to God. God is always with us, always. It is never Him that leaves us, but us that leave Him.

I also love how no matter where I am reading in the Bible, God speaks to me. He talks to my very heart out of His own. Try it sometime, keep your heart open, and it will appear.

Super Bowl Sunday pre-game, post Saturday reflections

For the first time in forever, I am actually invited to a SuperBowl party that is not a family party. No offense family, it just feels nice to have friends other than those related to you by blood.

Last night I chopped up veggies, and nearly my finger, to get ready for today. Tons of veggies it seems. I think I overbought. Don't ask about the band aid, I might give you the finger. Literally, I cut my middle finger thanks to a roly-poly carrot. Don't worry, its just a mere flesh wound.

Monday at the WW meeting seems like a long, long time ago. I have really struggled this week with a lot of emotion, and don't have my full 35 extra points left for today. Yet, I know it will be okay. I will be surrounded by lovely friends.

Yesterday, God really met me and answered my needs. At CCC, we had the Generosity Conference. Thanks to Eric, we learned that Gener- os- ity will save your soul. (I will never get out the "its just another Sunday, here at Community" out of my head.) I learned tons of great things, but the biggest thing I got was something that cannot be put into words. Dave Ferguson gave the last talk of the day, and at the end, I was in tears. It was the prayer that really met me. Somewhere in there, God said that if I keep Him first in my life, everything will be okay. Dave's passion and commitment to God and His Kingdom are phenomenal, and you hear that when he speaks. I feel the anointing.

I feel really blessed to be going to church and doing life with my CCC family. There is something special when your pastor loves to greet you and hug you. When Tim Bakker asks me how I am, I know that he really wants to know, he is not just being nice. You cannot buy that with any amount of money. I love how I can't get through a crowd without getting at least 3 hugs. This "community" thing is for real, and I cannot imagine my life without it.

God, all this means so much to me, so much more than any amount of money ever could. I feel like I have won the SuperBowl of life by being on your team. Thank you for all you have given me. Please, help my heart to stay focused on You and Your Kingdom, take away my selfishness. Help me to remember this in my darkest times, that we will prevail against the gates of death. You have displayed this to me many times. Bring it from my head to my heart. Help me to follow through on what I believe and what I feel so I may lead the life that you want for me. I pray these things in the name of your son, Christ Jesus, Amen.

Birthday ponderings

One week until my birthday comes up. One week until that number clicks over and I get OLDER. Age is just a number, so why do I dread aging? Maybe its also a bit because I have that clock tick tick ticking inside me, 32 is awful close to my baby deadline of 35. It's not all that, birthdays make me think of being a kid and getting lots and lots and lots of toys, with cake and a party.

I can't have cake, I am on weight watchers. Okay fine, I can have cake but only if you figure out how many points it is, and I can only have a little. I am not really fond of cake too much except for Portillo's chocolate cake. With lots of milk. Or strawberry filled cake of some sort with whipped cream and ... stopping the fantasy now.

Birthdays used to be an excuse to get together with friends. Now they are just days again. Dave says he is going to take me out for dinner. That's cool. I just have this sadness like I am missing out on something. Not stuff, because the last thing I need is more stuff. Just like I know I can never ever be young again.

Last night, when I took the dog out at midnight, I laid down in the driveway and made a snow angel. It hadn't been plowed yet, and I knew I wouldn't be laying in dog poop. I also knew it would be gone in the morning. I was covered in snow, but I loved it.

I guess birthdays make me want to stop and smell the roses. I work on my birthday, so no going out. I just think I am going to take that day to make everyone else feel special, like it is their day. They might think I'm crazy, but I have an excuse.

Go Shelley, its yer birthday!