God for certain has been after my heart. I cannot deny this. What he seeks is nothing but the best for me, and I need to give up all of my ideas of what that means. I need to cast aside any image I may hold of my Lord and let him show me his face.
Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest has been a fantastic journey doing just that. Well for me it has anyway. I have been doing something crazy in that I have been picking it up and reading it every day. Nearly every day this devotional speaks directly to where I am exactly on my spiritual journey.
The last few days have really gotten to me. What do you want, what you will get, and the graciousness of uncertainty were the titles. Essentially I have learned that I need to seek God, and his will to find peace, when I give God my life, he gives it back to me, and we need not be certain of what is going to happen, only certain of God.
My dear inspiration, Janet McMahon titled her blog "Losing Life" and ever since then I have been contemplating what it means that you need to lose your life in order to find it. Its kind of funny how God works like that. I lost my "life" or at least my expectations, desires and designs from my own doings. I sit here in my dad's basement unemployed and unsure what life will bring me, but yet I have an odd sense of peace filling me. It can only be the Holy Spirit.
Honestly, I feel like God has wiped my slate clean so that he can give my life back to me. And I mean by this the life that is truly life. I mean by this the life that God intended for me. I mean fixing the past, healing old wounds, and starting out on the path that he intends for me, not the one that I intended for me.
God wants me to stop reading the novel, and start living it.
I feel much like I am a child on the day before Christmas, filled with anticipation for what Santa left under the tree. I am filled with expectation and excitement, wondering what it is that God has planned for me. What's next Abba? Where are we going together Lord?
And right now, being filled with that very expectation is just what God wants for me. The journey is filled with joy and discovery and adventure, and my God, He is so good. Truly I tell you that I have everything I could ever need right now.
My pride was chewed, swallowed, digested, and flushed. Now I value things that I cannot lose. My God meets me there, and I am so grateful. He chases me onward, upward, toward righteousness and healing.
Yeah, there is stress, but it doesn't rule me. Peace rules. Jesus rules.
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