Jeramy and I grow closer all of the time. Now every time I hug Dave, he wants a hug too. He has been greeting me and going out of his way to say hi and goodnight or goodbye. And I hate to say this but the kid wants to stay up past his bedtime because he wants to see me. It is frustrating, because he, much like his father and I, is a night owl. The other night we were walking the dog and he blurted out "Hey Mom" and covered his mouth. I think he wanted to see what it felt like. I don't envy him, getting used to his new life, and falling in love, but having loyalties to his old life.
I have freely been using the term "my son" for a while now when talking with others. Who cares that I omit the "step" part? Stupid horror movies make being a step-parent so horrible. I love this child so very much. The sound of his voice makes my heart smile. My favorite noise in the world is his laugh. He knows I would stop the world for him.
It is only in becoming a parent, that I find the depths of God's love for me. I understand how the sound of my voice makes his heart smile, and his favorite sound is my laughter. I understand that he can't wait to talk to me, and loves it when I pay attention to him.
If you were to tell me 10 years ago what I am doing now I would have laughed. Heck, even 5 years ago. Many people don't understand why I put myself on the line for a child that is not my own. Until you know, and see the look in my eyes when I talk about him. Unless you know my heart, and where my values are. Money is just a thing. Relationships are what last. I would give everything for what I have sleeping not 10 feet away on the other side of this wall.
Jeramy, perhaps one day you will find this and read it. I want you to know that God put you on my heart long ago. I knew that God put your dad and I together not just for each other, but for you. I know that God has HUGE plans for you, and that you truly make him smile. You make me smile. I swear to you now, even when you become a teenager and tell me that you hate me, there is nothing you could ever do or say to stop me from loving you. If I could, I would wave the magic wand and make all the pain go away, but I know that God is going to use that hurt for good, and you are going to be strong and wonderful and a healthy, contributing member of society. You will always be loved by me. You will always be prayed for by me. You will always be in my heart. One day you will truly appreciate this. I pray its sooner rather than later. I pray you grow close to God, and that your dad and I give you every opportunity to grow closer to him. We are trying to be good examples to you, but we are just humans. Please forgive us when we mess up. Please forgive us when we say no and you really don't like that. Please know that we want what is best for you always. I delight in watching how much you have grown. God truly blessed you with a wonderful soul. I am so proud of the choices you make, especially how you treat others. You have a servant's heart, and it blesses me to know that. You also have the ability to lead. I imagine one day you will far bypass your dad in how much you read. However you turn out, I will love you for you. Don't become what I want, but what you want. Reach for the stars, they are within your grasp! I love you- xo xo Shelley (mom)
No comments:
Post a Comment