Why oh why does Oswald Chambers have to be so prophetic?
I wondered what whirlwind I was in for when I read this on Thursday March 11th. Scroll down and read my previous post, or just click here.
I left for work, got there early and ready to roll. They didn't have the same idea. Long story short, I have been separated from my position that I held over 8 1/2 years, and the company I worked for over 10 1/2. My heart was broken. I was in a whirlwind. I am in a whirlwind.
Oh the test to see what happens, when and how I land and if I produce fruit... my soul aches.
I vacillate between highs and lows, pride and self doubt, optimism and the depths of despair.
I was accused of letting my emotions interfere with patient care. If you know me, and I don't feel that I need to defend myself on this, I care about my patients. Sometimes I care too much. One lady I spend over a half an hour in her room crying and praying with her because she thought that her life was over. I bought her a card and a stuffed animal. I payed attention to when she was in for her follow-up surgery and came to visit her. Another one kissed me because I put her at peace before her surgery, so I made her a card and gave it to her while she was recovering. Just Wednesday I cried and hugged my patient and her daughter because she was just diagnosed with the same disease that slowly suffocated my mother. I care about my patients more than I care about the hospital I worked for, I care about them more than my wage. This hit the core of who I was. Call me the world's crappiest employee, but don't you dare say that my patient care sucks. Patients are the reason I do what I do. Or shall I say did what I did...
So here I am in the middle of this whirlwind, reminding myself that I have NO idea where it is I will land, scared to death. I don't believe I will end up in Abu Dabi, or Southern Oregon, but I do know that where ever it is that I land, it will be good. And not that I have ever been in need (Phil 4:12), because God always provides.
A sword has pierced my very soul. Do I give up on this career? Do I look for that dream job that doesn't exist? Do I bag groceries? What will I do? All I know is to whom I shall go, for only HE has the words that give eternal life.
Jesus was rejected by the very thing, the very people that were looking for him. He knows rejection. He knows what it feels like when his friends deny him. He knows how it is when people tell lies about you behind your back. He never ever promised that following him would be easy, however he did say "in this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) I am going to re-paste my locker contents onto my desk.
God is still with me. I must believe that. I mean, look how far I have come from trusting in HIM! I know he doesn't take something out of our hands if he doesn't mean to replace it with something better. Right now that is my focus. God, family, friends. I am going to get on a "normal" schedule over the next week. I might even want to wake up ~gasp~ before 7am.
Lord, be with me. Help me to always turn to you even when I am filled with fear. Lord take that fear away and lead me to where ever it is you want me to be, doing what ever it is you want... all for your glory Jesus. Amen.
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