I may have been born on Venus, but I was raised on Mars

When I was in my early 20s, John Grey and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus was all the rage.  At least they were in my house.  My mom and dad were going through counseling, so I in effect was getting the crumbs.  I read at least 3 or 4 Mars/Venus books that my mom bought.  I have to admit, it really helped me to understand men a bit more.  But to be honest, it did nothing but confuse me as to what a woman was.  I am still working on that definition.  I related a lot to Martian ways and thought that I was not truly Venetian.

The marriage book that is the rage right now is Love and Respect by Eggerichs I think.  It says women desire to be loved and men desire to be respected.  Its more complicated than that, but you need to read the book if you want more.  Anyhow, I tend to be really good at loving and really bad at respect.  I am working on it.  Yet I learned how much I myself desire respect.  I really have found I crave it more than I dish it out.

Its important for me to respect my husband, I understand that.  I also admit it is what I need to work on more.  I am finding right now that I need more respect that I ever thought.  I wonder if right now it is because I am unemployed.  Or maybe its because I was/am the main breadwinner in the house.  I am just starting to explore this area, and am putting it out there.  Thinking openly and wondering if I was born on Venus, but raised on Mars.

You see, I know that my mother rarely respected my father, and she demanded a lot of respect from him.  Yet it left her desperate, because all she really wanted was love.  The less my dad got respect, the harder it became for him to love her.  I watched as my mother's last gift to my father was love and forgiveness.  She loved that man desperately.  I don't know if my dad truly ever understood how broken she was, and how truly broken he was.  I don't know if he ever accepted that.  But I do know that I don't want to live my life like that.

I want to respect my husband, and I want him to love me.  Maybe I need to quit demanding respect and start handing it out.  Perhaps I need to go back to Venus school.  Perhaps I need to go back to Jesus school, who took off his cloak, got down on the floor and washed his disciples' feet.  Help me Jesus, to be more like you, and be the last.  For in dying I will find how to truly live.

Funny how the Kingdom works different than the World.