Changes Challenges Choices

I am going through a lot of changes right now. That also means many challenges. I have to re-think my priorities and decide what is important to me.

I have to admit, I have been slipping into a bit of a depression. Sleeping in, or oversleeping, and avoiding things like people and blogging and working out and such. The computer has also been jamming every time I try to load photos.

I am struggling with communicating with my husband, and he is struggling with not getting enough sleep.

I have a little boy at home, and at work I often feel sad about what I am missing by not being there. I have to work. I miss what a lot of people take for granted, evenings with their children.

I am learning about friendships, especially friendships the way God intended. With women. AND, I actually have made steps! I reached out to a few safe ladies, and plans are in the works. The best thing however, was when I wrote a letter to my dear friend who has really been pivotal in my life. I cried like the whole time, as I am sure she did while reading the letter. I think I have learned a lot how un-safe I was, which is why I never had a lot of friends. But, I didn't know any better. I am learning, I am growing by God's grace.

I do get overwhelmed by grace quite often, which is why I have been backing off of God. Its not the right thing to do, but I feel that if I didn't back off I wouldn't be able to function, I would be facedown in tears, not able to do anything. I don't know if I am saying it all the right way, but its my comprehension of it, and I need to talk to someone about it.

So I have choices to make, and I want to choose the best thing. You see, life happens no matter what you do. Choosing nothing is still a choice. I want to choose life. I want to live. I want to enjoy life. I believe that living life, and loving others is God's will. Like that song says "its not what you did, its how you live" that's what I mean.

I think I have a phone call to make.