I'm working on my bark

Yesterday my co-worker came in and told me I am looking great. What am I doing? Am I still on Weight Watchers, am I working out?

Nope, I haven't done a thing for like a month now. NOTHING! Please, all of you stop complimenting me when I feel super guilty about this. I do not deserve your praise.
My cousin Tammy has been helping me, by keeping me accountable, and loving and encouraging me no matter what. I wouldn't be this far without you girl! My sister was my initial inspiration, I don't even know how much weight she has lost, but man, oh man she is lookin' GOOD!

I can blame it on the season, the lack of sun, the increase in traveling and stress. But really, it comes down to me. I haven't been strong. I have given in to temptation. I have eaten past the point of being full just because something tastes good. I have kept eating chocolates even when I didn't need more because I wanted more. One would have been enough, okay maybe two. I have downed nearly half a pizza, I have eaten more than one dessert a week. I have fantasized about Coldstone. I have not been to the gym, despite setting realistic goals and thinking about it several times. I am a sinner in the worst way.

Why do I say this? Why am I a sinner? Because, I am being selfish. I am choosing what I want over what God wants. God wants what is good for me, I want what tastes good. Remind you of a certain fruit from a certain tree in a certain garden? Thanks a lot EVE!

I feel like crap, so I eat to comfort myself, but it just makes me feel crappier, so I eat more. Now I have yet to step on the scale, but I know I have gained weight. My pants are too tight. I am considering going back to my old jeans that I have yet to donate.

Please don't console me with how stressful my situation is and its okay. Because its not. See, my life has been a series of stress. Stress will always come, and if I don't stop the cycle, I will end up crying to Richard Simmons for help. I see the people who have the surgery, nothing really changes for them. They don't fix what it is on the inside. I was already told how to beat the system, and gain weight despite the surgery, so why would I have surgery? (By the way, its drinking milkshakes, which I love!) It won't change who I am.

I am a food addict. I have an addiction. I can't stop, I can't say no. Some can't quit drinking booze, some can't say no to sex, some can't quit snorting or shooting. I could easily be any of these people. And the American public is sadly getting more and more obese because its okay for us to eat what we want, we better eat it because there are starving children in Africa! The amount of over indulgence in this country is sickening. Not just with food, with everything, but that's a horse of an entirely different color.

Who can fix me? Only me, I have to make that decision. But I can't do it alone. I need God.

1. I admit, I am powerless over food. My life has become unmanageable.
2. I believe that God can fix me, restore me to sanity
3. God, I hand myself over to you. Help me to change and be free of this addiction.
4. I need to look over and
5. give my moral inventory
6. because I am ready for Him to remove these defects of character
7. and I want to ask Him to do so

Guess what, I need to make an appointment to give my inventory.
I need to work the steps.
I stopped working them.
I stopped growing.
I turned away from God's will. (That is why I am a sinner)
I repent now. Help me God.

Here I go, let's weigh in:

Last weigh-in weight: 247.4
Today's weight: 247.5
This weeks loss/gain: 0.1
Total weight lost: 30.2
Weight to lose to mini-goal(240): 7.5

What?!! I cannot possibly have not gained only .1 pounds. My body feels horrible, my stomach is larger! God, you are doing something in me, and I see that. Help me to help you in the transformation of me. In Jesus Name, AMEN