When certain things happen, you know someone is behind it, right? That certain smell of your favorite dish can only mean that someone special is cooking it. I really don't think I am just being handed a line of hooey when I tell you that God is working hard in my life right now, and I can tell. The Lord is at hand. He always has been, but its as if I didn't have a receiver installed properly.
I was reading Bonhoffer and he was extrapolating about discipleship, and being called. There is always an act of faith that changes you from who you were into who you are that leads to following Jesus. In other words, you are totally changed if you say yes to physically following God. I read it out to myself, and I went downstairs and read it to Dave. We are being called, we have been called, and our going and stepping out in faith will only be rewarded by God meeting us there, and changing us completely.
Today in church we heard about being a new creation. The world and my inner voice tell me I am worthless but that is not what God says. He says I am a beautiful creation, and serve a very good purpose. He has me where I am for a reason, and its not always easy, but its easy to see. I am a sent ambassador of the Lord, Creator of Heaven and Earth. Its really a fantastic honor. Funny thing is, I have been thinking about living intentionally like this for a while, and its just today that it gets mentioned in a sermon so plain as day.
This thread is present in the Bible, in my heart by the Holy Spirit, and in the core nature of those who follow Christ to be an ambassador. It defines Christianity. Unfortunately, many Christians act more like tourists than ambassadors. Some even give the cheif a bad name by their actions. Do that not realize that they are a personal representative of the Most High God?
Don't worry, I forget sometimes too. I forget a lot.
I want to change. I want to be a butterfly, not a caterpillar, and definitely not stuck in this ratty ole cocoon.
So here is yet another physical milestone approaching, and we move. We move without assurance we can afford to, but with knowledge that God said he would provide. He is doing so, we just get so overwhelmed as bills fall behind and debt piles up. And the Lord is at hand when I walk into church, telling me "its gonna be alright!" and then launching into just what he has put in my heart. Just to remind me.
God says, "Shelley, get your eyes off the storm and onto me. I won't let you drown. Take my hand, easy now, its going to be alright. We've got some work cut out for us, I can't wait to get started."
Yep, that's my Jesus. Yep he's got a robe and sandals, but he is the most awesome man I know. He defeated death and conquered the grave - just so that we could have a relationship and I could know Him more! I love how he romances me. Have no fear, the Lord is at hand.
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Monday, June 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Hanging on the bottom rung
I got a book a while ago titled Interrupted, by one of my favorite authors, Jen Hatmaker. She even autographed it for me when I got to meet her, (I love this woman dearly she is the real thing!) I knew in my heart that this is where I needed to be, and I tried to read it, but it went over my head and I put it down. For some reason, I have put it on the top of my reading pile for the last week or so.
I have been feeling wrecked, but I wasn't sure why or what for. I know how good God is and that he is going to get us through all of this. I cried Tuesday because I just knew all I could do was worship God because I had nothing good in myself. He was the only good thing left in me. I didn't know what I was feeling, just knew I needed God. The Holy Spirit moved a friend to come tell me "you're not alone" and I burst into tears; heavy, salty, chest heaving tears. Neither of us knew what that meant, but I rested in a Word from the Lord.
Yesterday I was supposed to have small group, but things happened where we couldn't get together, so I picked up Interrupted again. I devoured the text. Often a tear would come to my eye as I read about two people who truly began to seek God's will in their lives. I know people say don't pray for God to wreck you unless you are ready to be wrecked. Let me tell you something, you are never ready, because God wrecks you in the way you do NOT desire to be wrecked.
He attacks your pride, your knowledge, your skills, your will. God devours everything you ever thought you earned on your own. "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God." Deuteronomy 4:24 God destroys everything you put before him. He warned me he would. He told me to hang on because He would wreck me until all I had to hold onto was Him. I was in denial, oh I denied it. I blamed myself for not yielding, I got angry. At last I was just empty. Nothing. Aching and dry I turned to the Lord.
I hit a certain point in the book and burst into tears. Jen talked about how her whole life had always been about the ascension, moving up in the world, the next big thing. She admitted to being an addict, and in that it was being the opposite of what Jesus asked of us. She said Jesus asks us to take the lowest place because that is where He can be found. Instead of ascension, we need to take the path down, descend. "The path of descent becomes our own liberation. We are freed from the exhausting stance of defense.We are no longer compelled to be right and are thus relieved from the burden of maintaining some reputation. We are released from the idols of greed, control, and status."(p64) I understood that, I was there.
Then Jen slapped me in the face so hard with truth, I can still feel the sting:
I was not alone. I was not alone in my pain. Not to say I wanted to be surrounded by people in pain, but here is a woman who has had Christ in her life since age 6, published author, speaker, beautiful inside and out, mother and wife, living the life I desire serving her community, telling ME that she was exactly where I was.
There is HOPE. She goes on the next chapter to talk about the peace she found at the bottom. I guess I need to let go of that bottom rung. Then, they quit their position at the fancy good paying job and waited on God. I wasn't so lucky. God had to get me fired. He knew I would never leave.
I self-moisturized my face when I read the story I had already heard Jen tell in person about giving up her and Brandon giving up their brand new cowboy boots. The waterfall turned on when I read how God had reached Brandon. What was next for them, they did not know. Jen writes: "We saw a tunnel of chaos in our future, and we were headed straight for it... However, ignoring this call was not an option." (p 100)
I am in this tunnel of chaos. But I cannot let my self climb back up that ladder to escape, for that surely leads to death.
Thank you Hatmakers, for your obedience, your love of Christ, and for sharing yourselves with the world in this book. I love you so very much, and am privileged to have met you and prayed with you. Thank you for being my muse Jen. Thank you most of all God for bringing this all together at the right time, just when I needed to hear that I am not alone and that this is your will. God help me to listen, help me to let go of that bottom rung and grab a hold of you.
I have been feeling wrecked, but I wasn't sure why or what for. I know how good God is and that he is going to get us through all of this. I cried Tuesday because I just knew all I could do was worship God because I had nothing good in myself. He was the only good thing left in me. I didn't know what I was feeling, just knew I needed God. The Holy Spirit moved a friend to come tell me "you're not alone" and I burst into tears; heavy, salty, chest heaving tears. Neither of us knew what that meant, but I rested in a Word from the Lord.
Yesterday I was supposed to have small group, but things happened where we couldn't get together, so I picked up Interrupted again. I devoured the text. Often a tear would come to my eye as I read about two people who truly began to seek God's will in their lives. I know people say don't pray for God to wreck you unless you are ready to be wrecked. Let me tell you something, you are never ready, because God wrecks you in the way you do NOT desire to be wrecked.
He attacks your pride, your knowledge, your skills, your will. God devours everything you ever thought you earned on your own. "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God." Deuteronomy 4:24 God destroys everything you put before him. He warned me he would. He told me to hang on because He would wreck me until all I had to hold onto was Him. I was in denial, oh I denied it. I blamed myself for not yielding, I got angry. At last I was just empty. Nothing. Aching and dry I turned to the Lord.
I hit a certain point in the book and burst into tears. Jen talked about how her whole life had always been about the ascension, moving up in the world, the next big thing. She admitted to being an addict, and in that it was being the opposite of what Jesus asked of us. She said Jesus asks us to take the lowest place because that is where He can be found. Instead of ascension, we need to take the path down, descend. "The path of descent becomes our own liberation. We are freed from the exhausting stance of defense.We are no longer compelled to be right and are thus relieved from the burden of maintaining some reputation. We are released from the idols of greed, control, and status."(p64) I understood that, I was there.
Then Jen slapped me in the face so hard with truth, I can still feel the sting:
"The ascent is so ingrained in my thought patterns that it has been physically painful to experience reformation at the bottom. The compulsion to defend myself against misrepresentation nearly put me in the grave last year. I was tormented with chaotic inner dialogues, and there were days I was so plagued with protecting my rung that I couldn't get out of bed. With every step lower, the stripping-away process was more excruciating. I had no idea how tightly I clung to reputation and approval or how selfishly I behaved to maintain it. Getting to the top requires someone else to be on the bottom; being right means someone else must be wrong. It is the nature of the beast." pp 64-65
I was not alone. I was not alone in my pain. Not to say I wanted to be surrounded by people in pain, but here is a woman who has had Christ in her life since age 6, published author, speaker, beautiful inside and out, mother and wife, living the life I desire serving her community, telling ME that she was exactly where I was.
There is HOPE. She goes on the next chapter to talk about the peace she found at the bottom. I guess I need to let go of that bottom rung. Then, they quit their position at the fancy good paying job and waited on God. I wasn't so lucky. God had to get me fired. He knew I would never leave.
I self-moisturized my face when I read the story I had already heard Jen tell in person about giving up her and Brandon giving up their brand new cowboy boots. The waterfall turned on when I read how God had reached Brandon. What was next for them, they did not know. Jen writes: "We saw a tunnel of chaos in our future, and we were headed straight for it... However, ignoring this call was not an option." (p 100)
I am in this tunnel of chaos. But I cannot let my self climb back up that ladder to escape, for that surely leads to death.
Thank you Hatmakers, for your obedience, your love of Christ, and for sharing yourselves with the world in this book. I love you so very much, and am privileged to have met you and prayed with you. Thank you for being my muse Jen. Thank you most of all God for bringing this all together at the right time, just when I needed to hear that I am not alone and that this is your will. God help me to listen, help me to let go of that bottom rung and grab a hold of you.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Hakuna Matata- it means no worries
I was seeking answers, I knocked and the door opened.
I have come to this point amidst all the chaos where I am totally surrounded by peace. Part of me worries its a manic phase, but there is just this overwhelming feeling and peace which cannot be described without words. I feel anxious and excited, but more in the anticipatory stage than anything else. Not to say that bad thoughts don't get in and worm their way to my head. I call upon God and a peace which surpasses all understanding is mine.
How can I explain it? I cannot. All I can figure is this: God has a purpose in putting me where I am and I need to trust him. I have been blessed every time I do trust God, he has never not kept a promise (which means he always has) and his word says he will not leave or forsake me. So, why worry? Hakuna Matata my friends. Okay, not quite. Yes I have worries, yes I certainly have troubles. Is it going to be okay? Yes. I am going to grow and learn from this experience like never before.
Talking to strange men in bars is not a habit of mine - well it hasn't been for a long, long time. Yet Friday night I had a divine appointment with a guy named Sam. Now this was an after-conference networking event, so its not like I was hanging in bars trying to pick up men. In fact, I was peaceful in my chair until God told me to move. The bar was loud, and I found myself between two conversations, unable to hear any of them. So I got up and moved, perchance I started talking to Sam because he welcomed me to sit next to him. I think he was looking for a conversation as well. Or "networking" as they call it in business circles. We exchanged stories, and my mouth ran on a bit as always. I can't help but brag on my church and my pastor. I amazed myself as I was actually able to hold eye contact with a stranger. (I am getting better!) What really impressed him was when I was so flat-out honest and open about the rough times I had been going through. And I don't' mean I impressed him like he thinks I am awesome, but like I made an impression, an impact if you will. He told me that I encouraged him. It was a word others had told me before, about how God has his hand on me, and I said so, but I said it in a way as if to say "really? are people just being nice?" He said to me "you should listen to God's people."
I know that honestly most people in my shoes would be pretty darn well depressed, if not suicidal. If I let myself linger on it, it can bring me down. But you see, my hope is not in things or status or money or whatever can rust or be eaten by moths. My hope lies in things eternal; love, relationship, family, things that you can't buy with any amount of money.
Interesting how the conference talked about stripping away idols, and here I am stripped naked of my home, my financial stability, my income, a source of pride and stress and something to hold over my husbands head, and living in the last place I ever thought I would be.
I asked God for clarity, yet I have had the truth all along (kinda like the Force!)
1. Write a book. There is a story in all of this that will help others and spread the gospel. There might be several books.
2. Discipleship. Do it, work on it, commit to it. I find it important even before so I should just do it. (I am starting a small group if you are interested)
3. Community House. I would love to figure out what it means for us to live and share homes as a Christian family.
This is where I am called and to what. Right here, right now. At this place and time. Surrounded with exactly who I am surrounded by. God answers prayer, makes everything work out for good, and I am confident He will be beside me, leading the way even, every single step of the way.
I have come to this point amidst all the chaos where I am totally surrounded by peace. Part of me worries its a manic phase, but there is just this overwhelming feeling and peace which cannot be described without words. I feel anxious and excited, but more in the anticipatory stage than anything else. Not to say that bad thoughts don't get in and worm their way to my head. I call upon God and a peace which surpasses all understanding is mine.
How can I explain it? I cannot. All I can figure is this: God has a purpose in putting me where I am and I need to trust him. I have been blessed every time I do trust God, he has never not kept a promise (which means he always has) and his word says he will not leave or forsake me. So, why worry? Hakuna Matata my friends. Okay, not quite. Yes I have worries, yes I certainly have troubles. Is it going to be okay? Yes. I am going to grow and learn from this experience like never before.
Talking to strange men in bars is not a habit of mine - well it hasn't been for a long, long time. Yet Friday night I had a divine appointment with a guy named Sam. Now this was an after-conference networking event, so its not like I was hanging in bars trying to pick up men. In fact, I was peaceful in my chair until God told me to move. The bar was loud, and I found myself between two conversations, unable to hear any of them. So I got up and moved, perchance I started talking to Sam because he welcomed me to sit next to him. I think he was looking for a conversation as well. Or "networking" as they call it in business circles. We exchanged stories, and my mouth ran on a bit as always. I can't help but brag on my church and my pastor. I amazed myself as I was actually able to hold eye contact with a stranger. (I am getting better!) What really impressed him was when I was so flat-out honest and open about the rough times I had been going through. And I don't' mean I impressed him like he thinks I am awesome, but like I made an impression, an impact if you will. He told me that I encouraged him. It was a word others had told me before, about how God has his hand on me, and I said so, but I said it in a way as if to say "really? are people just being nice?" He said to me "you should listen to God's people."
I know that honestly most people in my shoes would be pretty darn well depressed, if not suicidal. If I let myself linger on it, it can bring me down. But you see, my hope is not in things or status or money or whatever can rust or be eaten by moths. My hope lies in things eternal; love, relationship, family, things that you can't buy with any amount of money.
Interesting how the conference talked about stripping away idols, and here I am stripped naked of my home, my financial stability, my income, a source of pride and stress and something to hold over my husbands head, and living in the last place I ever thought I would be.
I asked God for clarity, yet I have had the truth all along (kinda like the Force!)
1. Write a book. There is a story in all of this that will help others and spread the gospel. There might be several books.
2. Discipleship. Do it, work on it, commit to it. I find it important even before so I should just do it. (I am starting a small group if you are interested)
3. Community House. I would love to figure out what it means for us to live and share homes as a Christian family.
This is where I am called and to what. Right here, right now. At this place and time. Surrounded with exactly who I am surrounded by. God answers prayer, makes everything work out for good, and I am confident He will be beside me, leading the way even, every single step of the way.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Pain - are you ready?
I returned to my home today. I went back to Celebrate the Journey.
You see my soul was aching to be filled with Jesus and going home with the family was not gonna cut it. Stress in my life is just coming up so quick and change is eminent this month. Something is going to break. It was me, I wanted to cry. I was torn between spending the night with my family or seeing my friends and getting my church on.
To say it rocked was an understatement. I walked in and was surrounded by people I love. Music praising (and rocking) God and an awesome teaching from my dear friend- whom I didn't tell her I was there until the end. Love, hugs and kisses. Every time I went to talk to someone, it got interrupted by another. I was an event. God spoke to me in the songs, in the teaching, and in small group.
Which brings us to the title of this entry. I can't remember the exact quote from the study, but it had to do with the fact that when you are ready to face pain, you are ready to stop your sin and change. The chapter was on forgiveness. I can't even remember how it all tied in anymore. It is funny how it is all foggy.
Anyway, it was the sentence that stood out to me to tell me that the pain I was going through was a good pain, it was a pain for change for the better, and I was letting go of my "idol" and moving towards what God wanted me to do. That just like when you work out (which I also need to do) and when you grow up, you have to experience growing pains-
Moving myself away from what "the world's" standards are, and moving towards God's will not make sense to most people. But it will to me. The first time I saw a light at the end of my cave is when I decided to let go of that. Tonight, I think I stuck my head out of my cave. It felt good.
Am I ready for pain? I think so. Now that I have the right focus. Oddly enough, God sent me a book today. Okay, God and Crossway publishers. Its called Be Still My Soul: Embracing God's Purpose & Provision in Suffering. Funny God story how he got it to me, but I really think I need to read it. So I want to "review" it and post about it. I think God works in ways that blow my mind, and he sent me this book- so I better read it!
But I can't face pain alone. I need my family. I need my friends. Are you in? Pray it up folks- this is gonna blow all our minds.
You see my soul was aching to be filled with Jesus and going home with the family was not gonna cut it. Stress in my life is just coming up so quick and change is eminent this month. Something is going to break. It was me, I wanted to cry. I was torn between spending the night with my family or seeing my friends and getting my church on.
To say it rocked was an understatement. I walked in and was surrounded by people I love. Music praising (and rocking) God and an awesome teaching from my dear friend- whom I didn't tell her I was there until the end. Love, hugs and kisses. Every time I went to talk to someone, it got interrupted by another. I was an event. God spoke to me in the songs, in the teaching, and in small group.
Which brings us to the title of this entry. I can't remember the exact quote from the study, but it had to do with the fact that when you are ready to face pain, you are ready to stop your sin and change. The chapter was on forgiveness. I can't even remember how it all tied in anymore. It is funny how it is all foggy.
Anyway, it was the sentence that stood out to me to tell me that the pain I was going through was a good pain, it was a pain for change for the better, and I was letting go of my "idol" and moving towards what God wanted me to do. That just like when you work out (which I also need to do) and when you grow up, you have to experience growing pains-
Moving myself away from what "the world's" standards are, and moving towards God's will not make sense to most people. But it will to me. The first time I saw a light at the end of my cave is when I decided to let go of that. Tonight, I think I stuck my head out of my cave. It felt good.
Am I ready for pain? I think so. Now that I have the right focus. Oddly enough, God sent me a book today. Okay, God and Crossway publishers. Its called Be Still My Soul: Embracing God's Purpose & Provision in Suffering. Funny God story how he got it to me, but I really think I need to read it. So I want to "review" it and post about it. I think God works in ways that blow my mind, and he sent me this book- so I better read it!
But I can't face pain alone. I need my family. I need my friends. Are you in? Pray it up folks- this is gonna blow all our minds.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Love Hurts- (but sometimes its a good hurt)
I have been faithfully reading Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest. Today's entry is about love hurting. That Jesus hurts. You can't be adversely affected by Christ without feeling hurt. I want to expand on it, work it out, journal it, whatever.
You see, Jesus calls you to change. To die. To die to yourself. And knowing that you need to kill that part of you that you have known for so long hurts. Jesus is truth, is light. The part of us that hurts is the evil selfish dark parts that Jesus's truth and light burns away. The part of us that relies on others to tell us who we are, that has to prove ourself. Jesus asks one question to prove us. "Do you love me?"
Don't think this is the easiest question in the world to answer. Many people say that they love Jesus. In fact Jesus asks Peter this question 3 times. Why three? Because he denies him thrice? All I know is if you ask me a question like that, I would say yes the first time to make sure I am not hurting your feelings. Yes the second time to confirm my feelings. And I would say Yes the third time to make a commitment and to stamp it as truth.
What does it mean to love Jesus? I mean to truly love Jesus.
Let's look at die hard sports fans. I have known them to dress up in uniforms, study the team history, paint their faces or their bodies, even to the point of tattooing themselves. Get license plate holders, signs, posters, hats and many t-shirts. They would show up at events, watch them on tv, listen to them on radio. Everyone would know that they loved that team. Some might even get in fights over them.
I fall in the category of one yes when it comes to loving the Cubs. I own a shirt or two, watch a few games. But I can't tell you much about the team players or their games. There are people that know everything about everyone on the team, and follow them everywhere. They buy season tickets. I would call those people two yes folks.
What would make the third yes? Stepping out onto the field and playing. Now I know that is not possible for most people to do that with professional sports teams. But you see in Jesus's kingdom, its not a team of professionals who go to seminary and get paid by the church. Infact, Jesus says that the least will be the greatest. You don't have to be Billy Graham. You just have to get out there and put yourself out for the team. What does that mean?
Even Peter denied Jesus under pressure. That was before he knew. Peter believed that Jesus was the son of God. But he had no idea as to just exactly what that meant until he saw Jesus on the shore making breakfast after he had been crucified... and resurrected. He did not truly grasp the power behind Christ until that moment. When he did- Peter jumped off that boat, and swam to shore.
I often can picture myself doing this. Approaching Christ to say how sorry I am, that I had to idea. Christ in all of his magnificence and glory is scary. Sometimes we step back because we are filled with fear. But it is out of love that Peter approaches his savior. It is out of the hurt of denial that he realizes just how very much he loves Jesus. Love hurts, but sometimes its a good hurt.
Of course Jesus was more than welcoming. Peter then became the third yes type. You see, after Jesus had died, he went back to fishing. Why? Because it was nice to follow Jesus, but the team lost, and the season was over- or so he had thought. Peter might have fished again after he met the risen Lord, but I would say it was more out of necessity, or fellowship than because it was what he could fall back on. Peter became the third yes type when he embraced the power of the risen Lord and went out to preach the gospel.
Not all of us are called to leave our jobs. Not all of us are called to travel around the world. Yet we are all called to follow Him. To live our lives as a living gospel of the resurrection. Too many Christians today are only 2 Yes people. They have all the memorabilia, they go to church, they talk a good talk. But they have not fully surrendered to what Christ has to offer. If we truly open ourselves, our hearts all the way to Christ, it is gonna hurt- and it will hurt a lot. Yet in that hurt, there is healing, deep healing. There is quenching of thirst and satiation of hunger. There is the ability to stand in the midst of the storm because you are under the shadow of His mighty wing.
People should know you are a 3 Yes person by the way you live your life. Not by your t-shirt collection or a bumper sticker. Are you in? Do you play the game? Do you serve for His glory leaving yourself in the dirt?
Love hurts because it confronts all of our selfish nature. We want to be selfish and not give ourselves fully to the resurrected Lord. Yet the hurt can heal when you finally do. And oh yeah, you have to die daily. Every single day is a choice. Every single day you need to chose whom you serve. Every day you need to choose the life that is truly life.
And I ain't saying I am perfect in this. I struggle every single day. Yesterday I screwed up, I was cranky and selfish and my day was a bad day. Love hurts. But sometimes its a good hurt because it reminds me that Love overcomes, that Love held Christ to the cross so that I don't have to go there. Without his love, I won't survive.
You see, Jesus calls you to change. To die. To die to yourself. And knowing that you need to kill that part of you that you have known for so long hurts. Jesus is truth, is light. The part of us that hurts is the evil selfish dark parts that Jesus's truth and light burns away. The part of us that relies on others to tell us who we are, that has to prove ourself. Jesus asks one question to prove us. "Do you love me?"
Don't think this is the easiest question in the world to answer. Many people say that they love Jesus. In fact Jesus asks Peter this question 3 times. Why three? Because he denies him thrice? All I know is if you ask me a question like that, I would say yes the first time to make sure I am not hurting your feelings. Yes the second time to confirm my feelings. And I would say Yes the third time to make a commitment and to stamp it as truth.
What does it mean to love Jesus? I mean to truly love Jesus.
Let's look at die hard sports fans. I have known them to dress up in uniforms, study the team history, paint their faces or their bodies, even to the point of tattooing themselves. Get license plate holders, signs, posters, hats and many t-shirts. They would show up at events, watch them on tv, listen to them on radio. Everyone would know that they loved that team. Some might even get in fights over them.
I fall in the category of one yes when it comes to loving the Cubs. I own a shirt or two, watch a few games. But I can't tell you much about the team players or their games. There are people that know everything about everyone on the team, and follow them everywhere. They buy season tickets. I would call those people two yes folks.
What would make the third yes? Stepping out onto the field and playing. Now I know that is not possible for most people to do that with professional sports teams. But you see in Jesus's kingdom, its not a team of professionals who go to seminary and get paid by the church. Infact, Jesus says that the least will be the greatest. You don't have to be Billy Graham. You just have to get out there and put yourself out for the team. What does that mean?
Even Peter denied Jesus under pressure. That was before he knew. Peter believed that Jesus was the son of God. But he had no idea as to just exactly what that meant until he saw Jesus on the shore making breakfast after he had been crucified... and resurrected. He did not truly grasp the power behind Christ until that moment. When he did- Peter jumped off that boat, and swam to shore.
I often can picture myself doing this. Approaching Christ to say how sorry I am, that I had to idea. Christ in all of his magnificence and glory is scary. Sometimes we step back because we are filled with fear. But it is out of love that Peter approaches his savior. It is out of the hurt of denial that he realizes just how very much he loves Jesus. Love hurts, but sometimes its a good hurt.
Of course Jesus was more than welcoming. Peter then became the third yes type. You see, after Jesus had died, he went back to fishing. Why? Because it was nice to follow Jesus, but the team lost, and the season was over- or so he had thought. Peter might have fished again after he met the risen Lord, but I would say it was more out of necessity, or fellowship than because it was what he could fall back on. Peter became the third yes type when he embraced the power of the risen Lord and went out to preach the gospel.
Not all of us are called to leave our jobs. Not all of us are called to travel around the world. Yet we are all called to follow Him. To live our lives as a living gospel of the resurrection. Too many Christians today are only 2 Yes people. They have all the memorabilia, they go to church, they talk a good talk. But they have not fully surrendered to what Christ has to offer. If we truly open ourselves, our hearts all the way to Christ, it is gonna hurt- and it will hurt a lot. Yet in that hurt, there is healing, deep healing. There is quenching of thirst and satiation of hunger. There is the ability to stand in the midst of the storm because you are under the shadow of His mighty wing.
People should know you are a 3 Yes person by the way you live your life. Not by your t-shirt collection or a bumper sticker. Are you in? Do you play the game? Do you serve for His glory leaving yourself in the dirt?
Love hurts because it confronts all of our selfish nature. We want to be selfish and not give ourselves fully to the resurrected Lord. Yet the hurt can heal when you finally do. And oh yeah, you have to die daily. Every single day is a choice. Every single day you need to chose whom you serve. Every day you need to choose the life that is truly life.
And I ain't saying I am perfect in this. I struggle every single day. Yesterday I screwed up, I was cranky and selfish and my day was a bad day. Love hurts. But sometimes its a good hurt because it reminds me that Love overcomes, that Love held Christ to the cross so that I don't have to go there. Without his love, I won't survive.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
A Message for all of my Celebrate the Journey friends
I wasn't there this Tuesday, and I likely won't be there next Tuesday for launch.
It breaks my heart to say it, but I am taking a break from Celebrate the Journey. This goes along with my season to lay fallow. (See this post) I have realized just how much people really expect me to be there on Tuesdays, so I thought I would send this out to let everyone know.
I still love Celebrate the Journey. This has nothing to do with the leadership or team, and everything to do with me. In fact, I am considered a leader on break.
Last March, we brought home a "brand new bouncing" 6 year old boy and have been growing closer and closer as a family. Jeramy will turn 8 in May, and with my work schedule I barely get to see him. I am changing some things, like getting him up in the morning for school. Taking Tuesdays as a family day will now be an addition that we need. When you work 5-6 nights a week from 3-1130, that means you don't get to spend after school and before bed time with your children. Considering I work every other weekend, that means hardly any time. These days are few, and time is precious. Seeing as we lost the first 6, I don't want to miss out on the next.
Seeing as I have been asked several times, no, I cannot change my work hours. While Dave's hours have gone up considerably, we are still in a very bad pickle, and require every dime possible. As long as I have this job, I aim to keep it. They have given me so much grace, I truly appreciate my manager and supervisor immensely.
There are other personal things that go into this decision, but when it all comes down to it, I just hated how we would get to the church and then split up for the night. Our family needs this time, and I can attend small groups at other times.
I have put on hold all other leadership and volunteering positions, including Kids City. God will let me know when to jump in again.
God has told me to lay fallow and grow my family closer, and so it shall be. Our first family night we went to the grade school skate night. It was great because it reminds me that no matter how hard you fall, you have to get back up and keep trying if you want to learn how to skate.
I used to LOVE skating so much. In fact, we went to the very same skate place I went on my grade school skate parties. Talk about memories (foggy distant memories, but good ones none the less.) My first run out on the floor today, I totally wiped out... bad. Yet I got up (with the help from the guy with the whistle and most of my dignity) and tried to go around again. I almost was getting it again. Oh my poor muscles haven't done this in over 15 years, more I am sure... and we hope to do this more often. Jeramy counted 11 bruises, and wants to go back. Dave was pleasantly surprised by his balancing skills. We even did two rounds in the couples skate. Ask me tomorrow when my muscles ache and my knee throbs, but I think it was fun.
Its times like this that I am missing out on. And so please do keep in touch. I mean it. Call me, email me, Facebook me, lets do lunch or have coffee or just knit and chat. I have made too many wonderful friends at Celebrate the Journey. If you are reading this on Facebook and are my friend, my cell phone and email are listed under "info" so there is no excuses!
It breaks my heart to say it, but I am taking a break from Celebrate the Journey. This goes along with my season to lay fallow. (See this post) I have realized just how much people really expect me to be there on Tuesdays, so I thought I would send this out to let everyone know.
I still love Celebrate the Journey. This has nothing to do with the leadership or team, and everything to do with me. In fact, I am considered a leader on break.
Last March, we brought home a "brand new bouncing" 6 year old boy and have been growing closer and closer as a family. Jeramy will turn 8 in May, and with my work schedule I barely get to see him. I am changing some things, like getting him up in the morning for school. Taking Tuesdays as a family day will now be an addition that we need. When you work 5-6 nights a week from 3-1130, that means you don't get to spend after school and before bed time with your children. Considering I work every other weekend, that means hardly any time. These days are few, and time is precious. Seeing as we lost the first 6, I don't want to miss out on the next.
Seeing as I have been asked several times, no, I cannot change my work hours. While Dave's hours have gone up considerably, we are still in a very bad pickle, and require every dime possible. As long as I have this job, I aim to keep it. They have given me so much grace, I truly appreciate my manager and supervisor immensely.
There are other personal things that go into this decision, but when it all comes down to it, I just hated how we would get to the church and then split up for the night. Our family needs this time, and I can attend small groups at other times.
I have put on hold all other leadership and volunteering positions, including Kids City. God will let me know when to jump in again.
God has told me to lay fallow and grow my family closer, and so it shall be. Our first family night we went to the grade school skate night. It was great because it reminds me that no matter how hard you fall, you have to get back up and keep trying if you want to learn how to skate.
I used to LOVE skating so much. In fact, we went to the very same skate place I went on my grade school skate parties. Talk about memories (foggy distant memories, but good ones none the less.) My first run out on the floor today, I totally wiped out... bad. Yet I got up (with the help from the guy with the whistle and most of my dignity) and tried to go around again. I almost was getting it again. Oh my poor muscles haven't done this in over 15 years, more I am sure... and we hope to do this more often. Jeramy counted 11 bruises, and wants to go back. Dave was pleasantly surprised by his balancing skills. We even did two rounds in the couples skate. Ask me tomorrow when my muscles ache and my knee throbs, but I think it was fun.
Its times like this that I am missing out on. And so please do keep in touch. I mean it. Call me, email me, Facebook me, lets do lunch or have coffee or just knit and chat. I have made too many wonderful friends at Celebrate the Journey. If you are reading this on Facebook and are my friend, my cell phone and email are listed under "info" so there is no excuses!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Living out of sanity
I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind
I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof
And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control
And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind
I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof
And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control
And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes
Two Hands by Jars of Clay
Well the last month has been, well, a struggle to say the least. Honestly I can say that my depression and anxiety have been getting the best of me. The song above really lists a lot of how I feel. Pretty much every single word.
The self I was and the self I am in Christ are battling it out right now. You might have noticed my lack of status updates on Facebook/Twitter. Well, I just haven't had anything good to say, I had forgotten much. Yesterday, I had to run away from myself. Thank God it was Tuesday. Celebrate the Journey day. My one day to come in and say I am broken and people say "that's great! Me too!" I can feel like total crap coming in, and coming out feel so much better about it later. I was in a spiral that needed to be broken and I broke it.
In group we talked about doing things our way, and how that doesn't really benefit us, but hinders us. It was our last meeting as a group, and the leader bought us all cards and had us write a letter to ourselves, so that one day when the Holy Spirit prompts her, she will send them out. Honestly I don't care if I never get it because I think it was what I needed that night. That card, that exercise, that group.
I got a phone number from a person whom I love and she wants to be there for me. I got told that I had taught someone a lot and I should not give up leading. I got told that my humility and willingness to be lead and learn is a wonderful trait of a good leader. I hear all of these good things about me, and I remember the joy I once held. The spark that still resides inside of me as a burning ember waiting to be fanned into flame.
Somewhere inside this darkness and hurt is someone is loves life, and being healthy, and making good choices, and helping others. Somewhere inside here is a leader with a heart to follow God's will. Somewhere in here, somewhere... And I haven't lost hope. I haven't given up. God hasn't given up on me, my friends have not given up on me.
Keep praying for me, help me thaw this icy buildup.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Disheartened by Christians
Lately I have had a couple of people who are not related in any way, shape, or form talk about how a person who calls themself a christian has judged them.
Now, before I go own I have to say that asking someone to obey rules in your home is different from judging a person. Many people establish rules in their home which create boundaries and safety as well as confirm their values. This is not what I am talking about. I am talking about people not having a relationship with someone, or telling you not to do something or talk about something you do in church. Asking others to behave and follow what they believe to be christian behavioral standards when the people they are asking aren't even christian to begin with.
Also, if anyone actually reads the Bible, the whole Bible, even just the whole New Testament, they will find out that Jesus came to tell these very people (the ones imposing the behavioral rules) to take a hike and straighten up. See, Jesus came for those who needed love and forgiveness, and he died at the hands of the people telling him to "obey their rules". Jesus was crucified because he refused to obey silly rules, and instead chose the heart of what God wanted.
Jesus hung out with lepers, prostitutes, insane people, seedy extortionists, and he dared to talk to a woman who was ousted by her community because she had had so many husbands that she had to avoid the gossip and gather water when everyone else was avoiding the hot sun. The man even touched dead people when that made you an outsider. He gathered the children to him when others tried to shoo them away.
So, if you DARE stop talking to someone because you don't like what they do- SHAME ON YOU! Its one thing to keep unsafe people from being alone with you or your children, its another thing to not even talk to them. (and if you cut off the relationship, shame on you for being just as closed minded!)
If you don't want someone to talk about who they are or what they do when they come to church, SHAME ON YOU!!! Seriously, because I think Jesus just shed another tear. Jesus doesn't want us to be clean and shiny on the outside, but dirty and contaminated on the inside, the wants clean from the inside out.
Perhaps the day when people use religion as just another way of judging will never come to an end.
My friends, I say to you that Jesus loves you.
Jesus loves you if you are gay, straight, black, white, green, purple, broken, infested, misdirected, sick, toreup, built up, ugly, pretty, sane, insane, fun, boring, dead, stealing, hiding, sinning, judging, fumbling, fat, skinny, weak, strong, angry, sad, confused, irritated, hurting, smelly, lame, retarded, addicted, screwed up, messed up, f'd up, nuts, lonely, busy, sorry, mad, happy, sore, crazy, sane, average, American, African, Chinese, whatever. Jesus loves you - not because of who you are, but because of who He is.
And on behalf of everyone who ever judged you or hurt you in the name of Jesus, I apologize. Especially for what I have done.
Oh yeah, one more thing. Just because you are "christian" doesn't mean you are perfect. No one is perfect. So quit expecting us to be perfect, and call us out when we are acting un-Christ-like. Instead of judging us, you might help us to be more like Jesus, which is really our goal.
I want to know you, and love you for who you are, and have a relationship with you. I want you to know and have a relationship with Jesus. If you can start with the first sentence, and realize I might screw up, then let's be friends. I want to show you what the grace of God has done for me.
Now, before I go own I have to say that asking someone to obey rules in your home is different from judging a person. Many people establish rules in their home which create boundaries and safety as well as confirm their values. This is not what I am talking about. I am talking about people not having a relationship with someone, or telling you not to do something or talk about something you do in church. Asking others to behave and follow what they believe to be christian behavioral standards when the people they are asking aren't even christian to begin with.
Also, if anyone actually reads the Bible, the whole Bible, even just the whole New Testament, they will find out that Jesus came to tell these very people (the ones imposing the behavioral rules) to take a hike and straighten up. See, Jesus came for those who needed love and forgiveness, and he died at the hands of the people telling him to "obey their rules". Jesus was crucified because he refused to obey silly rules, and instead chose the heart of what God wanted.
Jesus hung out with lepers, prostitutes, insane people, seedy extortionists, and he dared to talk to a woman who was ousted by her community because she had had so many husbands that she had to avoid the gossip and gather water when everyone else was avoiding the hot sun. The man even touched dead people when that made you an outsider. He gathered the children to him when others tried to shoo them away.
So, if you DARE stop talking to someone because you don't like what they do- SHAME ON YOU! Its one thing to keep unsafe people from being alone with you or your children, its another thing to not even talk to them. (and if you cut off the relationship, shame on you for being just as closed minded!)
If you don't want someone to talk about who they are or what they do when they come to church, SHAME ON YOU!!! Seriously, because I think Jesus just shed another tear. Jesus doesn't want us to be clean and shiny on the outside, but dirty and contaminated on the inside, the wants clean from the inside out.
Perhaps the day when people use religion as just another way of judging will never come to an end.
My friends, I say to you that Jesus loves you.
Jesus loves you if you are gay, straight, black, white, green, purple, broken, infested, misdirected, sick, toreup, built up, ugly, pretty, sane, insane, fun, boring, dead, stealing, hiding, sinning, judging, fumbling, fat, skinny, weak, strong, angry, sad, confused, irritated, hurting, smelly, lame, retarded, addicted, screwed up, messed up, f'd up, nuts, lonely, busy, sorry, mad, happy, sore, crazy, sane, average, American, African, Chinese, whatever. Jesus loves you - not because of who you are, but because of who He is.
And on behalf of everyone who ever judged you or hurt you in the name of Jesus, I apologize. Especially for what I have done.
Oh yeah, one more thing. Just because you are "christian" doesn't mean you are perfect. No one is perfect. So quit expecting us to be perfect, and call us out when we are acting un-Christ-like. Instead of judging us, you might help us to be more like Jesus, which is really our goal.
I want to know you, and love you for who you are, and have a relationship with you. I want you to know and have a relationship with Jesus. If you can start with the first sentence, and realize I might screw up, then let's be friends. I want to show you what the grace of God has done for me.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Inside out, Jesus you turn me, upside down, and round and round....
Continuing on the Journey of all things changing, nothing staying the same... Yet all things are still the same externally, my heart and mind are going through things which will influence my physical actions. Anyway, I want to blog out some things and work through them, "so pardon me while I burst."
So I have moved on to reading Shane Claiborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" and wow. Shane is my age, and he chose to chase after Christianity and got to experience working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta (of course while he was doing this, my life was in bad shape and I was far from Christ.) He followed his visit to Calcutta with a semester at Wheaton College and an internship at Willow Creek. He was in my town. He says in his book "I must say Wheaton wasn't the easiest place to be." After which my sister (whom I borrowed the book from) wrote HA!!! I know he was referring to the college, but for us, its the town we grew up in.
Wheaton is full of churches. It is the church capitol of DuPage county and you can't drive around much without running into a church. But oh how spiritually dead it is. And at the time Shane was here, there was still a dancing ban at the college! (I will never forget dancing at the college to worship God and thinking how much this would piss some people off- and it was Matt Redmond's doing. I would swear the balcony would fall down!) Now there are some people truly searching God, there always are, but the reality is that Wheaton is just another suburban town centered around appearances and bigger and better homes. Even in the neighborhood I grew up in, mansions are replacing older homes at an alarming rate. (well alarming to me anyway.)
What gets me always when I think about how cozy our little area is, and as I watch cars drive down streets that could support an entire village for a few years with the cost of them, is how damn selfish we are. I felt this before Shane's book, and to be honest, I am glad to see others feel it too.
Shane noticed the difference between the poor in Calcutta and in the suburbs. The people in Calcutta had no money, the suburbanites were spiritually poor. "The more I read the Bible, the more I felt my comfortable life interrupted." Yes, that is exactly how I felt. Shane says how much he "long[s] for the Calcutta slums to meet the Chicago suburbs, for lepers to meet landowners and for each to see God's image in the other. Its no wonder that the footsteps of Jesus lead from the tax collectors to the lepers. I truly believe that when the poor meet the rich, riches will have no meaning. And when the rich meet the poor, we will see poverty come to an end." emphasis mine.
Call me a revolutionary, but I am only following in the footsteps of the one who saved me. Jesus.
So what does this mean? Where do we go from here? Its the question we all must wrestle with. And so I leave you with a quote from the late great Mamma T (Mother Teresa). "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it."
So I have moved on to reading Shane Claiborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" and wow. Shane is my age, and he chose to chase after Christianity and got to experience working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta (of course while he was doing this, my life was in bad shape and I was far from Christ.) He followed his visit to Calcutta with a semester at Wheaton College and an internship at Willow Creek. He was in my town. He says in his book "I must say Wheaton wasn't the easiest place to be." After which my sister (whom I borrowed the book from) wrote HA!!! I know he was referring to the college, but for us, its the town we grew up in.
Wheaton is full of churches. It is the church capitol of DuPage county and you can't drive around much without running into a church. But oh how spiritually dead it is. And at the time Shane was here, there was still a dancing ban at the college! (I will never forget dancing at the college to worship God and thinking how much this would piss some people off- and it was Matt Redmond's doing. I would swear the balcony would fall down!) Now there are some people truly searching God, there always are, but the reality is that Wheaton is just another suburban town centered around appearances and bigger and better homes. Even in the neighborhood I grew up in, mansions are replacing older homes at an alarming rate. (well alarming to me anyway.)
What gets me always when I think about how cozy our little area is, and as I watch cars drive down streets that could support an entire village for a few years with the cost of them, is how damn selfish we are. I felt this before Shane's book, and to be honest, I am glad to see others feel it too.
Shane noticed the difference between the poor in Calcutta and in the suburbs. The people in Calcutta had no money, the suburbanites were spiritually poor. "The more I read the Bible, the more I felt my comfortable life interrupted." Yes, that is exactly how I felt. Shane says how much he "long[s] for the Calcutta slums to meet the Chicago suburbs, for lepers to meet landowners and for each to see God's image in the other. Its no wonder that the footsteps of Jesus lead from the tax collectors to the lepers. I truly believe that when the poor meet the rich, riches will have no meaning. And when the rich meet the poor, we will see poverty come to an end." emphasis mine.
Call me a revolutionary, but I am only following in the footsteps of the one who saved me. Jesus.
So what does this mean? Where do we go from here? Its the question we all must wrestle with. And so I leave you with a quote from the late great Mamma T (Mother Teresa). "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it."
Monday, November 9, 2009
From this moment on
We all know those moments in time where things will change forever. The day we take the wedding vows, the day you find out the test results, the day the phone rings with unbearable news. Well this weekend, God reached down and touched my heart, my marriage, my family.
My sister invited Dave and I up for a marriage conference at her church. She offered to pay the way for Dave and I as well as watch Jeramy. Not only that, she offered to pay for our gas and meals! How awesome was that? So I took Friday off of work and we drove up to Wisconsin after school. I should have looked at the construction on the Interstates, because it seemed like it took us forever to get up there. Especially when Jeramy asked every fifteen minutes. This was his first trip up to visit his Aunt Megan in Wisconsin, and see Lake Michigan. He loved it.
We stayed at the home Megan lives at, with the Reynolds family. They live down the street from her church, and it saved us a ton of gas and time when the conference got moved to Living Light instead of the other church it was going to be at. Not only that, but the Reynolds helped us to feel at home, and they were extremely gracious hosts, full of love and hospitality. Their two children are darling, and full of love and energy. We had a comfortable bed, a hot shower, hot coffee (even had my creamer!) and good food and atmosphere!
I have been looking forward to this weekend with anticipation, knowing that things would be different. Would my behavior change, my attitude? I wasn't sure, but much like the woman in the Bible who bled for 8 years, I was hurting and waiting for an opportunity to touch Jesus. I knew that Jesus would be there this weekend, and that things would be different. I just wasn't sure how.
A few weeks ago Celebrate the Journey had a healing service, it was awesome and much was healed and repaired there. It was like preparing the way. This weekend I had heart surgery. God showed me how things were wrong in my heart, and I opened up for him to come and repair it. And I surrendered. I gave Jesus all of the chaos, all of my mistakes, all of my past, all of my pain. And he took it.
I am lighter in spirit now. Heavier with the right spirit might be more appropriate. The dark clouds are completely gone from me. Now is a very critical time in my life, because once you sweep a house clean of bad spirit, you need to fill it with the right spirit, the Holy Spirit.
Often we talk alot about God the Father, or Jesus the Son, but there is three parts to Trinity. God the Spirit, the Comforter, Counselor, Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit. Jesus left the earth so that the Comforter might come. Oh come Emmanuel, God with us. And He is. He knocked, and I opened the door.
I have been quite aware of the Holy Spirit for much a long time, and trying to be obedient to its call. But I had just been keeping it on my friends list like an acquaintance, hanging out with Him when I needed to. Not anymore. I need Him constantly, and this weekend, He moved into my heart, for good, to stay.
I am excited to see how He is moving in my husband. I know Dave was touched and changed as well. I also know I must wait for the words to come to him to describe it, let him ponder it a while. God so very much has control over it, and I worry not.
There are many things that are going on in my heart, and that is just one. If you know me at all, I always have lots going on. That's just me. But you see they are all just strings in this beautiful tapestry that I am letting God weave of my life.
I finished Monkey and the Fish, and have moved on to Irresistible Revolution (Shane Claiborne), and a Swindoll book on Grace. I am inspired to change the way I live my life. I am not sure what that looks like, but I know that this weekend is just a marker in what begins a new season for me, my marriage, and my family.
Spring arrives to heal the ground.
My sister invited Dave and I up for a marriage conference at her church. She offered to pay the way for Dave and I as well as watch Jeramy. Not only that, she offered to pay for our gas and meals! How awesome was that? So I took Friday off of work and we drove up to Wisconsin after school. I should have looked at the construction on the Interstates, because it seemed like it took us forever to get up there. Especially when Jeramy asked every fifteen minutes. This was his first trip up to visit his Aunt Megan in Wisconsin, and see Lake Michigan. He loved it.
We stayed at the home Megan lives at, with the Reynolds family. They live down the street from her church, and it saved us a ton of gas and time when the conference got moved to Living Light instead of the other church it was going to be at. Not only that, but the Reynolds helped us to feel at home, and they were extremely gracious hosts, full of love and hospitality. Their two children are darling, and full of love and energy. We had a comfortable bed, a hot shower, hot coffee (even had my creamer!) and good food and atmosphere!
I have been looking forward to this weekend with anticipation, knowing that things would be different. Would my behavior change, my attitude? I wasn't sure, but much like the woman in the Bible who bled for 8 years, I was hurting and waiting for an opportunity to touch Jesus. I knew that Jesus would be there this weekend, and that things would be different. I just wasn't sure how.
A few weeks ago Celebrate the Journey had a healing service, it was awesome and much was healed and repaired there. It was like preparing the way. This weekend I had heart surgery. God showed me how things were wrong in my heart, and I opened up for him to come and repair it. And I surrendered. I gave Jesus all of the chaos, all of my mistakes, all of my past, all of my pain. And he took it.
I am lighter in spirit now. Heavier with the right spirit might be more appropriate. The dark clouds are completely gone from me. Now is a very critical time in my life, because once you sweep a house clean of bad spirit, you need to fill it with the right spirit, the Holy Spirit.
Often we talk alot about God the Father, or Jesus the Son, but there is three parts to Trinity. God the Spirit, the Comforter, Counselor, Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit. Jesus left the earth so that the Comforter might come. Oh come Emmanuel, God with us. And He is. He knocked, and I opened the door.
I have been quite aware of the Holy Spirit for much a long time, and trying to be obedient to its call. But I had just been keeping it on my friends list like an acquaintance, hanging out with Him when I needed to. Not anymore. I need Him constantly, and this weekend, He moved into my heart, for good, to stay.
I am excited to see how He is moving in my husband. I know Dave was touched and changed as well. I also know I must wait for the words to come to him to describe it, let him ponder it a while. God so very much has control over it, and I worry not.
There are many things that are going on in my heart, and that is just one. If you know me at all, I always have lots going on. That's just me. But you see they are all just strings in this beautiful tapestry that I am letting God weave of my life.
I finished Monkey and the Fish, and have moved on to Irresistible Revolution (Shane Claiborne), and a Swindoll book on Grace. I am inspired to change the way I live my life. I am not sure what that looks like, but I know that this weekend is just a marker in what begins a new season for me, my marriage, and my family.
Spring arrives to heal the ground.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
My Story Story
I had a tremendous opportunity to attend a pretty awesome Christian conference called Story on October 28th. For FREE!!! I got hooked up to serve at the conference at registration. After registration, we were free to attend the conference. I was psyched, I knew that this was an opportunity of a lifetime. Visit Storychicago.com.
This took place at the Paramount Theater in Aurora Illinois. I have only heard of its beauty, but when I arrived I saw its splendor.
I got to meet people who I had only known via the internet, and having followed Ben Arment's blog, and Scott Hodge, and being a part on Twitter and Facebook only made it more awesome. Ben quit his position at a church, being called by God to fill a hole and when I saw him I was so excited to see God's dream for him come true. Inspiration for people who communicate the Gospel. I saw the Gospel as something bigger than I had seen it before. I saw the Bible as something bigger, and I saw much more opportunity for me, a layperson, to reach the unreached.
I got to meet Dave Gibbons, who had totally inspired me at the Leadership Summit. I didn't have much to say, other than he inspired me and I was looking forward to reading his book (which I bought and he autographed) and he said that God's hand was on me. It was amazing. I just started his book and haven't gotten through the prologue yet because I had to stop to cry... there is a whole different post in that.
I also got to meet Chris Seay (pronounced as if there was no 'y') and he autographed a copy of the Voice that I bought for Cassie. (The Voice is a new interpretation of the New Testament.) I had a hard time because I know his brother's work a lot more (The Robbie Seay Band) but I know what Chris is doing is phenomenal and I could only hope to reach as many people for Christ as Chris does in his work.
I have been inspired by a generation of Pastors and other communicators of the gospel who have revolutionized the way we think about Church.
And of course I was most affected by the one I was looking forward to the most: Don Miller. Donald Miller's writing has been so inspirational to me, and totally made me think of God in a new light. His book on growing up without a father has helped me to heal some wounds and understand men better, which is more than I can say with a lot of books. His "talk" was about stories and characters, and just totally inspired me to continue writing.
This year has been phenomenal with meeting people I admire, or atleast seeing them live. Jen Hatmaker I got to eat lunch with and sit in a backyard (barefoot and bluejeaned, tshirted) while she and her husband talked about what I only dreamed me and my husband might be doing one day. Changing the world one day at a time for Christ.
I am meeting people who aren't just telling a Story, but living it. Living the gospel.
I am inspired, just when my broken heart needed inspiration.
some random notes for your entertainment/wisdom:
John Ortberg:
#1 sin is selfishness... I so agree with that and am a huge sinner
Shalom means peace, but as in the peace of the way things God wants them to be
Don't get discouraged, its God's job and we get to be a part of His Story.
Ed Young:
The rescue story is enough. (I want to forget the loco rhymes about hope being a rope)
Dave Gibbons:
Platform of PAIN (oh I can so relate to that!)
Isaiah 6: stump will be a seed-in our weakness there is liberation (see the drawing at bottom of my blog)
we need to be honest with pain while communicating hope.
Listen to their story.
Revelation of brokenness will release the power of the Holy Spirit.
Confess sin! Love is a choice.
Chris Seay:
The Bible is not a sword to pick up and hit people with, it is a tool to do surgery on broken hearts.
Jesus told stories and invites us to inquire.
Stacy Spencer:
Steps to story telling: 1. why should I listen 2. Introduce text to dilemma (Bible is still relevant today)3. Put them in the story. 4. twist = grace 5. Redemption We need hope. Hope is a dangerous thing.
Nancy Beach:
Once upon a time are awfully powerful words. The hope of the resurrection story heals our dark and broken places.
Mike Foster:
don't isolate
power in sharing junk. trust each other by lettin them see your limp.
Brokenness in God's hands = beauty. a chapter in our lives is not the end of our lives
Donald Miller:
What is meaningful in a story is so because its meaningful in life.
God doesn't tell us what the story is about, he just tells the next story. For us to get to know who God is and that is all. What if it's all just about a relationship with God? for us to hear stories and live stories. A good character has to sacrifice of themselves for the benefit of others. Success doesn't necessarily tell a good story, character does. We have to want something. Conflict is beautiful, we need it. A story cannot be meaningful unless it involves conflict. A character becomes a better person through pain. conflict is here to stay. conflict makes the story. Jesus was not the climax. Conversion is not the climax. Its a long journey involving pain, so we enjoy the joy.
This took place at the Paramount Theater in Aurora Illinois. I have only heard of its beauty, but when I arrived I saw its splendor.
I got to meet people who I had only known via the internet, and having followed Ben Arment's blog, and Scott Hodge, and being a part on Twitter and Facebook only made it more awesome. Ben quit his position at a church, being called by God to fill a hole and when I saw him I was so excited to see God's dream for him come true. Inspiration for people who communicate the Gospel. I saw the Gospel as something bigger than I had seen it before. I saw the Bible as something bigger, and I saw much more opportunity for me, a layperson, to reach the unreached.
I got to meet Dave Gibbons, who had totally inspired me at the Leadership Summit. I didn't have much to say, other than he inspired me and I was looking forward to reading his book (which I bought and he autographed) and he said that God's hand was on me. It was amazing. I just started his book and haven't gotten through the prologue yet because I had to stop to cry... there is a whole different post in that.
I also got to meet Chris Seay (pronounced as if there was no 'y') and he autographed a copy of the Voice that I bought for Cassie. (The Voice is a new interpretation of the New Testament.) I had a hard time because I know his brother's work a lot more (The Robbie Seay Band) but I know what Chris is doing is phenomenal and I could only hope to reach as many people for Christ as Chris does in his work.
I have been inspired by a generation of Pastors and other communicators of the gospel who have revolutionized the way we think about Church.
And of course I was most affected by the one I was looking forward to the most: Don Miller. Donald Miller's writing has been so inspirational to me, and totally made me think of God in a new light. His book on growing up without a father has helped me to heal some wounds and understand men better, which is more than I can say with a lot of books. His "talk" was about stories and characters, and just totally inspired me to continue writing.
This year has been phenomenal with meeting people I admire, or atleast seeing them live. Jen Hatmaker I got to eat lunch with and sit in a backyard (barefoot and bluejeaned, tshirted) while she and her husband talked about what I only dreamed me and my husband might be doing one day. Changing the world one day at a time for Christ.
I am meeting people who aren't just telling a Story, but living it. Living the gospel.
I am inspired, just when my broken heart needed inspiration.
some random notes for your entertainment/wisdom:
John Ortberg:
#1 sin is selfishness... I so agree with that and am a huge sinner
Shalom means peace, but as in the peace of the way things God wants them to be
Don't get discouraged, its God's job and we get to be a part of His Story.
Ed Young:
The rescue story is enough. (I want to forget the loco rhymes about hope being a rope)
Dave Gibbons:
Platform of PAIN (oh I can so relate to that!)
Isaiah 6: stump will be a seed-in our weakness there is liberation (see the drawing at bottom of my blog)
we need to be honest with pain while communicating hope.
Listen to their story.
Revelation of brokenness will release the power of the Holy Spirit.
Confess sin! Love is a choice.
Chris Seay:
The Bible is not a sword to pick up and hit people with, it is a tool to do surgery on broken hearts.
Jesus told stories and invites us to inquire.
Stacy Spencer:
Steps to story telling: 1. why should I listen 2. Introduce text to dilemma (Bible is still relevant today)3. Put them in the story. 4. twist = grace 5. Redemption We need hope. Hope is a dangerous thing.
Nancy Beach:
Once upon a time are awfully powerful words. The hope of the resurrection story heals our dark and broken places.
Mike Foster:
don't isolate
power in sharing junk. trust each other by lettin them see your limp.
Brokenness in God's hands = beauty. a chapter in our lives is not the end of our lives
Donald Miller:
What is meaningful in a story is so because its meaningful in life.
God doesn't tell us what the story is about, he just tells the next story. For us to get to know who God is and that is all. What if it's all just about a relationship with God? for us to hear stories and live stories. A good character has to sacrifice of themselves for the benefit of others. Success doesn't necessarily tell a good story, character does. We have to want something. Conflict is beautiful, we need it. A story cannot be meaningful unless it involves conflict. A character becomes a better person through pain. conflict is here to stay. conflict makes the story. Jesus was not the climax. Conversion is not the climax. Its a long journey involving pain, so we enjoy the joy.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Commitment
The word "commitment" seems to have a negative connotation. For example "lack of commitment" and "fear of commitment" with lack and fear both being negative. Then you can be committed to an institution where they say these men come in white coats to take you away, when in reality its a woman or a man dressed in business casual walking you through the halls of a hospital with a big ring of keys. That is the type of commitment that most people try to avoid, especially me.
Then there is the commitment to the war on drugs, or the commitment to be more green, or the commitment to quit smoking. There is being committed to a brand, in which you never vary your purchase.
What does it mean to make a commitment to God?
See, I think many of us make promises to God, and we all know that promises are meant to be broken. But to make a commitment? That involves a lot of money and a legal team to break that off. Does it mean we pinky swear? Does it mean we spit into our hands and shake?
When I hear the word "commitment" I automatically think "what is it that I have to do or not do that I am not doing or doing?"
Sounds like I am being selfish.
God created us so that he can love us. He is committed to us no matter what, in fact he is so committed, that he came to Earth to bear our sins on the cross so that he could maintain and deepen that commitment.
So why is it that I get scared about setting aside time? Why is it that I am afraid to commit to 30 minutes a day of less sleep, or less Facebook, or even to pick out that time and put it into writing?
By the time I said yes to my husband, I was fully invested. Little did I know just exactly how far that commitment would go as I sat on numerous plane rides and dove myself into personal debt for something we felt God had committed us to. Little did I know how rewarding that would all be.
Yes, I know that it means being less selfish and sacrificing time, which I truly do have. "Commit to what?" you may be asking. Well, now I feel silly writing this. See, God is asking me to commit a half an hour of my time to... reading His Word... daily. I know, not so scary after I evaluate it.
What is so scary for me?
I know that means that I need to change, because God most certainly always changes me when I spend time in his Word. Especially when I regularly do it. Especially when I get my butt up early and do it. Especially when I commit to it.
God has had to do a lot of stuff to get my attention. This time its just a simple woman's group study asking me to make a commitment to reading the Bible every day. (See A Modern Girls Guide to Bible Study by Jen Hatmaker chapter 4.) He didn't make my mom deathly ill and let her die, set my house on fire, or put me on bedrest. Nope, He has already done those things. I am serious. I ran so far away from God that he had to sicken my mother and let her die before I turned fully to Him. Then ... well don't make me tell my life story here. God has been trying to get my attention for a long time.
Okay, this is it. I have emotional unrest. I have emptiness and disorder in my life. I am not saying these things will go away, but I am saying that if I make this commitment, I might at least be standing on solid rock instead of shifting sand.
This is my public commitment. On days when I don't have something to do (like an early morning thing) I am getting my butt up at 10 am to drink coffee and talk to God. On days that I do, I will get my butt up a half hour earlier and do that. (That means if I need to be somewhere by 9am, I have to leave at 8:30 so I get up normally 7:30 I will have to get up at 7 now... get it?)
Okay, so that is off my chest. I start there. We will get to the exercise and eating healthy commitment later, this is one thing at a time. God comes first, and I am on the road back.
What are you gonna commit to?
Then there is the commitment to the war on drugs, or the commitment to be more green, or the commitment to quit smoking. There is being committed to a brand, in which you never vary your purchase.
What does it mean to make a commitment to God?
See, I think many of us make promises to God, and we all know that promises are meant to be broken. But to make a commitment? That involves a lot of money and a legal team to break that off. Does it mean we pinky swear? Does it mean we spit into our hands and shake?
When I hear the word "commitment" I automatically think "what is it that I have to do or not do that I am not doing or doing?"
Sounds like I am being selfish.
God created us so that he can love us. He is committed to us no matter what, in fact he is so committed, that he came to Earth to bear our sins on the cross so that he could maintain and deepen that commitment.
So why is it that I get scared about setting aside time? Why is it that I am afraid to commit to 30 minutes a day of less sleep, or less Facebook, or even to pick out that time and put it into writing?
By the time I said yes to my husband, I was fully invested. Little did I know just exactly how far that commitment would go as I sat on numerous plane rides and dove myself into personal debt for something we felt God had committed us to. Little did I know how rewarding that would all be.
Yes, I know that it means being less selfish and sacrificing time, which I truly do have. "Commit to what?" you may be asking. Well, now I feel silly writing this. See, God is asking me to commit a half an hour of my time to... reading His Word... daily. I know, not so scary after I evaluate it.
What is so scary for me?
I know that means that I need to change, because God most certainly always changes me when I spend time in his Word. Especially when I regularly do it. Especially when I get my butt up early and do it. Especially when I commit to it.
God has had to do a lot of stuff to get my attention. This time its just a simple woman's group study asking me to make a commitment to reading the Bible every day. (See A Modern Girls Guide to Bible Study by Jen Hatmaker chapter 4.) He didn't make my mom deathly ill and let her die, set my house on fire, or put me on bedrest. Nope, He has already done those things. I am serious. I ran so far away from God that he had to sicken my mother and let her die before I turned fully to Him. Then ... well don't make me tell my life story here. God has been trying to get my attention for a long time.
Okay, this is it. I have emotional unrest. I have emptiness and disorder in my life. I am not saying these things will go away, but I am saying that if I make this commitment, I might at least be standing on solid rock instead of shifting sand.
This is my public commitment. On days when I don't have something to do (like an early morning thing) I am getting my butt up at 10 am to drink coffee and talk to God. On days that I do, I will get my butt up a half hour earlier and do that. (That means if I need to be somewhere by 9am, I have to leave at 8:30 so I get up normally 7:30 I will have to get up at 7 now... get it?)
Okay, so that is off my chest. I start there. We will get to the exercise and eating healthy commitment later, this is one thing at a time. God comes first, and I am on the road back.
What are you gonna commit to?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Catching up on the things in my head
I love being a mother, spending time with Jeramy and watching him grow up is awesome. What might be even more awesome however, is listening to his dad talk about being a father. That fills me with so much joy. I am really proud of my husband for all he does and how well he does it. He can boast in his son now, which fills a deep spot in both of us, and we love it.
Speaking of my husband, I am so proud of his accomplishments at work. It is like I finally get to watch him become what I knew he could be all of this time. He found a job that takes his skills and allows him to use them to the maximum capacity, and the best is yet to come.
I am loving spending time with Cassie. Its a toss up because I feel more like her big sister than her mom, which is a good thing. Yesterday we had short time together shopping, and then later painting our nails. There is an awesome young woman in there just waiting to blossom, and I cannot wait to see what happens next with her.
As far as God goes, man is he moving. I keep describing it to people like this: I see him as the master weaver pulling all these threads out in front of me, and I cannot wait to see how he is going to weave them all together! I got to meet an author whose work has moved me, and BAM is she reminding me and inspiring me yet again. I cannot just sit here when God so clearly wants me to write and do stuff. And I feel so out of practice because I am. Even if its just dumb ole blogging or plain ole journaling, God wants me to get at it again. I have a story to tell, or many stories to tell. Oh, and I am a speaker too. I don't say this to boast, I am saying this because God is showing this to me. I have the capacity to reach people with my words so I gotta get crackin on those words. And slowly but surely, I am feeling called to lead leaders. Weird thing. It is like I see all these leaders stuck in a place where they are comfortable, but not really going anywhere, and if they don't reproduce and if they don't move and change, they will be left behind.
Some people just don't have the capacity to move on, and some do.
I think I want to write about caterpillars and butterflies. I think I want to write about faith and my journey. I think I want to write about freedom, true freedom, freedom to be whom God created you to be- something wonderful, and fantastic.
I have a friend who is following God and getting married this weekend. I have a friend who ran away from God and got married and is using him to justify his selfish actions. I have a friend who is curious and open about God but afraid to get hurt. I have a friend who loves God but is stuck on Sundays.
Whomever you are, where ever you are, I love you dearly and am praying for you to realize just how awesome you can be.
I am praying that I get moving on the chains that are holding me back instead of ignoring them like they will go away, because they won't.
Speaking of my husband, I am so proud of his accomplishments at work. It is like I finally get to watch him become what I knew he could be all of this time. He found a job that takes his skills and allows him to use them to the maximum capacity, and the best is yet to come.
I am loving spending time with Cassie. Its a toss up because I feel more like her big sister than her mom, which is a good thing. Yesterday we had short time together shopping, and then later painting our nails. There is an awesome young woman in there just waiting to blossom, and I cannot wait to see what happens next with her.
As far as God goes, man is he moving. I keep describing it to people like this: I see him as the master weaver pulling all these threads out in front of me, and I cannot wait to see how he is going to weave them all together! I got to meet an author whose work has moved me, and BAM is she reminding me and inspiring me yet again. I cannot just sit here when God so clearly wants me to write and do stuff. And I feel so out of practice because I am. Even if its just dumb ole blogging or plain ole journaling, God wants me to get at it again. I have a story to tell, or many stories to tell. Oh, and I am a speaker too. I don't say this to boast, I am saying this because God is showing this to me. I have the capacity to reach people with my words so I gotta get crackin on those words. And slowly but surely, I am feeling called to lead leaders. Weird thing. It is like I see all these leaders stuck in a place where they are comfortable, but not really going anywhere, and if they don't reproduce and if they don't move and change, they will be left behind.
Some people just don't have the capacity to move on, and some do.
I think I want to write about caterpillars and butterflies. I think I want to write about faith and my journey. I think I want to write about freedom, true freedom, freedom to be whom God created you to be- something wonderful, and fantastic.
I have a friend who is following God and getting married this weekend. I have a friend who ran away from God and got married and is using him to justify his selfish actions. I have a friend who is curious and open about God but afraid to get hurt. I have a friend who loves God but is stuck on Sundays.
Whomever you are, where ever you are, I love you dearly and am praying for you to realize just how awesome you can be.
I am praying that I get moving on the chains that are holding me back instead of ignoring them like they will go away, because they won't.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I wrote this Sunday night...
Its after 2am and I am still awake.
Today was phenomenal. My heart just trembled as I swept my eyes up and down the hill. "Wow, this is unbelievable!" I believe it was just a glimpse of a sliver of heaven.
Shortly after I started coming to CCC, there was an all campus picnic. I hardly knew anyone, and spotted the pastors to keep entertained.
My how times have changed...
Today I didn't go a moment without seeing people I knew, and I lost count of how many meaningful hugs I imparted to dear friends. Sometimes all I could do was wave hello as they passed by.
Talk about IMPACT...
I was a lonely soul looking for significance and meaning in my life. Through COMMUNITY I have been able to connect to tons of people, celebrate my life instead of wallow in depression, and contribute to helping other people find their way back to God. I have found great love from God and can't help but want others to know the change, the resurrection life he has given to me is available to them as well
As I think and pray about what's next for me and my family, I can't help but to praise God for Community Christian Church and the impact it has had on my life. . Its people have become my extended family that has supported me and my family through some of the roughest years of our lives. I have learned and grown so much, I often find myself amazed!
I hope that I am able to pass on the great love that COMMUNITY has and continues to show me.
Monday, August 17, 2009
10 things to ponder over the next week or so.
I was going to send this out in an email to folks, but recently I am trying to shy away from that. People tend to take offense to mass mailings and they might be offended by me.
What a better place to reach out to folks who want to read it than my blog. Likely if you read my blog, you don't delete my emails. Maybe you are just a Shelley stalker and you want to know what is going on in my life.
I am going to post from Perry Noble's blog. www.PerryNoble.com (in dark red letters)
This man is truly annointed and hears from God and is not afraid to speak the truth. I love that about him. I also love his southern accent, which makes all sermons easier to listen to.
A new season is beginning, I will be leading a group, as well as taking part in a retreat for Extraordinary Women, and things are just getting started.
I believe that the church is the hope of the world. I believe if Christians actually stopped judging people and started loving people like Jesus did, then we can see some real change in this world. I believe this is the beginning of a revival. They always start up early century, my grandfather was "saved" during one, and I am sure that Billy Sunday would be proud of what I desire in life.
In the meantime, take note that I am seriously devoted to these questions and hope that you consider them as well. God is so big, we need to stop putting him in a box.
In writing my testimony, I had to stop giving details about me, and start boasting about what Christ has done through me. Its all about God... anyway I hope to have my rough draft done this week.
What a better place to reach out to folks who want to read it than my blog. Likely if you read my blog, you don't delete my emails. Maybe you are just a Shelley stalker and you want to know what is going on in my life.
I am going to post from Perry Noble's blog. www.PerryNoble.com (in dark red letters)
This man is truly annointed and hears from God and is not afraid to speak the truth. I love that about him. I also love his southern accent, which makes all sermons easier to listen to.
A new season is beginning, I will be leading a group, as well as taking part in a retreat for Extraordinary Women, and things are just getting started.
I believe that the church is the hope of the world. I believe if Christians actually stopped judging people and started loving people like Jesus did, then we can see some real change in this world. I believe this is the beginning of a revival. They always start up early century, my grandfather was "saved" during one, and I am sure that Billy Sunday would be proud of what I desire in life.
In the meantime, take note that I am seriously devoted to these questions and hope that you consider them as well. God is so big, we need to stop putting him in a box.
In writing my testimony, I had to stop giving details about me, and start boasting about what Christ has done through me. Its all about God... anyway I hope to have my rough draft done this week.
God has been both encouraging and destroying me in my journey through the Psalms lately…and the other morning I began to write down some leadership questions that I always want to keep in front of me.
#1 – Will I Live In Fear Of God Or Man? Psalm 60:4
When I see who God is I am ruined! (Isaiah 6:1-8.) BUT…when I fear the opinions of man I will allow His vision that He has placed inside of me to be hijacked…and that will destroy me as a leader (Proverbs 29:25).
#2 – Am I Desperate For His Voice? Psalm 60:6
The answer to this would obviously be yes…if it were not for the word “desperate!” So many times I think we all say we want to hear Him…but the dangerous side of momentum is that, many times, things begin to go so well we no longer think we need to be “desperate” for Him…just an occasional “help me” prayer will do!
#3 – Am I Trusting Him To Provide For His Church? Psalm 65:9-13
God will take care of His bride…we are called to handle money responsibly, but I don’t ever seen an instance where He instructs us to worry about it!
#4 – Am I Desiring Average Or Awesome? Psalm 66:5
As I read through the Bible (especially the book of Acts) I seriously doubt that God’s desire for the church was to be a sub par organization for really nice people who occasionally do some good things. I believe His church should be a place where people can say, “what is happening there is SUPER-natural! ONLY God could have done THAT!” It’s so sad when the church shoots for “average” and has the vision to accomplish the lowest common denominator when we have a God who is capable of so much more.
#5 – Is There Anything Happening In My Life Privately That, If It Became Public, Would Disqualify Me From Ministry? Psalm 66:18-19, Psalm 69:6
I tweeted last week, “If we don’t make integrity an issue…then one day it WILL be an issue!” The stakes are too high for church leaders to live “private lives” that mock God and not expect Him to expose them. We’ve GOT to do whatever it takes to make integrity a priority in our lives!
#6 – Am I Wanting His Salvation Or The Name Of My Church To Be Known? (Psalm 67:1-2)
This is a hard question that I feel we must ALL wrestle to the ground because, when God begins blessing a church, many times a leader will slip into thinking the blessing is so that the leader can become more known RATHER than making the name of Christ known. Leaders don’t talk about this…but everyone who has experienced any level of success in ministry has had to fight this battle. It is one that will always be around…which is why a thankful heart and an intense focus on Jesus is essential for success over the long haul!
#7 – Will I Speak His Truth? (Psalm 68:11)
God has spoken…He’s just looking for people who are brave enough to declare His Word without watering it down…and care enough about His Word to handle it correctly.
#8 – Do I Really Believe He Saves People? (Psalm 68:20)
If I do…then the GOSPEL will govern my leadership and my preaching! AND…inviting people to give their lives to Christ will not seem like a hindrance but rather an HONOR!
#9 – Is My Passion For His Church Increasing Or Decreasing? (Psalm 69:9)
If I am not careful the passion He has placed in my heart can begin to fade away…which is why I NEED time with Him, proper rest and the right people around me to make sure what needs to happen happens! (BTW…the environment you are in will either pour gasoline or water on the fire that is inside of you–what type of environment are you in?) Jesus doesn’t use apathetic people to change the world–but people full of passion!
#10 – Do I Believe The Churches Best Days Are Ahead Of Her Or Behind Her? (Psalm 69:34-36)
If I believe the best is behind us…I will work to maintain. If I believe the best is ahead…I will work to achieve all that I believe He has planned!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The 7-7 club
Tonight was awesome.
I was in anticipation of what God was going to do, and sure enough He blew my mind.
Asking friends how they are can always end up one of two ways. The first way "good" means can't really get into details I have things to do right now. The second is when they actually take their heart out and say whats going on.
"Its the anniversary of my mom's death" is what I got today.
Gee, really, cuz its the anniversary of my mom's death too. Funny thing.
So we spend a good portion of the night talking, and upon heading downstairs at the end of the night get greeted by someone who really needed a hug.
"My mom died today."
Guess what, you are not alone! So we formed a club called the 7-7 club, and it has nothing to do with 7-up or Seagrams 7, but everything to do with our moms dying on the same date.
So here we are, three women who love God all put together on the same day for the same reason. So we prayed. The 3 of us. 3s and 7s are God numbers you know.
I am really excited to have had the chance to experience this appointment that God set up for us girls. I am really hoping not to have more people in the 7-7 club, but its all about love and supporting one another. Its all about not being alone. Its all about being the body of Christ. Its all about COMMUNITY.
Its all happening.
I was in anticipation of what God was going to do, and sure enough He blew my mind.
Asking friends how they are can always end up one of two ways. The first way "good" means can't really get into details I have things to do right now. The second is when they actually take their heart out and say whats going on.
"Its the anniversary of my mom's death" is what I got today.
Gee, really, cuz its the anniversary of my mom's death too. Funny thing.
So we spend a good portion of the night talking, and upon heading downstairs at the end of the night get greeted by someone who really needed a hug.
"My mom died today."
Guess what, you are not alone! So we formed a club called the 7-7 club, and it has nothing to do with 7-up or Seagrams 7, but everything to do with our moms dying on the same date.
So here we are, three women who love God all put together on the same day for the same reason. So we prayed. The 3 of us. 3s and 7s are God numbers you know.
I am really excited to have had the chance to experience this appointment that God set up for us girls. I am really hoping not to have more people in the 7-7 club, but its all about love and supporting one another. Its all about not being alone. Its all about being the body of Christ. Its all about COMMUNITY.
Its all happening.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
My stage debut
Okay, I got up and sang on stage today. In front of people. Not to make fun of myself. Not to gain praise for myself. But to praise God.
My friend Tony wanted to do an old school version of "O Happy Day" and needed a choir. When Deb and Tony asked, I thought they were joking.
You see, I am not really the best singer.
But something happens when I am praising God, I mean really praising him. My soul sings. Not me, but my soul.
Someone also handed me a tambourine. I guess I did a pretty darn good job. Especially since we had only one practice.
I am hoping Steve gets it up on Facebook so we can see it.
I had to remember to sing to the crowd. I forgot they were there, I was busy singing to God. Oh and the women on stage I have made friends with and are all lovely people. Everyone accepted me right in.
That touched me deep deep deeeeeeeep inside. The whole experience. I did it! I wasn't self-conscious, I was God conscious. The only pride I took was in my God. And when people said I did a good job, oh that was fun too.
So you have to pardon me, I am on a Holy Spirit high, and pretty filled with joy.
My friend Tony wanted to do an old school version of "O Happy Day" and needed a choir. When Deb and Tony asked, I thought they were joking.
You see, I am not really the best singer.
But something happens when I am praising God, I mean really praising him. My soul sings. Not me, but my soul.
Someone also handed me a tambourine. I guess I did a pretty darn good job. Especially since we had only one practice.
I am hoping Steve gets it up on Facebook so we can see it.
I had to remember to sing to the crowd. I forgot they were there, I was busy singing to God. Oh and the women on stage I have made friends with and are all lovely people. Everyone accepted me right in.
That touched me deep deep deeeeeeeep inside. The whole experience. I did it! I wasn't self-conscious, I was God conscious. The only pride I took was in my God. And when people said I did a good job, oh that was fun too.
So you have to pardon me, I am on a Holy Spirit high, and pretty filled with joy.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Best EVER Mother's Day
First off, I have to say that my mom and I never really celebrated Mother's Day. I used to say I love my mom 364 other days of the year. See, it all started with expectations and having to do things I didn't like. Then once, I moved out on Mother's Day. Since then, we always did something around Mother's Day, but we always did do something special. My mom was very special to me, and I miss her. She came up today, and a song came on the radio to let me know that even though she is not here on Earth with me, she knows what is going on, and she is proud.
Today I was communicator in Kids' City. That means I stand up on stage in front of a bunch of 1st-5th graders and teach them a lesson about God. Don't worry, I have a script. It went well. Sometime after the first group Jeramy said, "wait, it's mother's day this weekend?" Yeah, don't you remember you made your mom a card in school and we put it in the mail? "Oh yeah. Happy Mother's Day." Thank you Jeramy.
I tried so hard not to cry.
Then, after second group, he gave me my present. Apparently he really wanted to get me a bracelet from the resource table. (They sell handmade jewelry and other stuff to support missions.) He came up with the idea himself. He said he knows I really like rocks (because I had just showed him my rock collection from when I was a child this morning.) I was soooo happy.
Dave said that Jeramy came up with the idea himself. All unprompted.
This kid has a generous heart.
Mine -- mooshed.
God is so good. He really has watched over Jeramy's heart. He really does answer prayers.
It is well with my soul.
Today I was communicator in Kids' City. That means I stand up on stage in front of a bunch of 1st-5th graders and teach them a lesson about God. Don't worry, I have a script. It went well. Sometime after the first group Jeramy said, "wait, it's mother's day this weekend?" Yeah, don't you remember you made your mom a card in school and we put it in the mail? "Oh yeah. Happy Mother's Day." Thank you Jeramy.
I tried so hard not to cry.
Then, after second group, he gave me my present. Apparently he really wanted to get me a bracelet from the resource table. (They sell handmade jewelry and other stuff to support missions.) He came up with the idea himself. He said he knows I really like rocks (because I had just showed him my rock collection from when I was a child this morning.) I was soooo happy.
Dave said that Jeramy came up with the idea himself. All unprompted.
This kid has a generous heart.
Mine -- mooshed.
God is so good. He really has watched over Jeramy's heart. He really does answer prayers.
It is well with my soul.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Season to write
In this new life, I always want to be moving forward. I don't want to be overcome, but I think one of the ways that God has provided for me is that I can write. Writing helps me to wrap my head around my feelings. The things that swarm my brain and my heart.
To everything there is a season, and with time off from leading a group, perhaps I need to take that time to write.
Okay, fine, God is calling me to write.
You see, I have this story to tell, and if I don't write it down, if I don't share what I know out of my obedient overflow, many will miss out.
God previously called me to be silent, to be still and listen as He did the work.
In this season, He is causing me to sing "I will not be silent" (ala David Crowder Band) and to share what the Lord has done through me.
Today I was invited to sit in on my church's All Staff meeting, where we had a guest speaker. Anne Jackson (another Anne with an e-- love it!) wrote the book Mad Church Disease. She talked about how serving should come from an obedient overflow and that phrase stuck out to me. You see I feel that by grace I am swimming in this overflow, unsure as to what to do right now. I have never been here before. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go.
God says to write. So here I go. Step one: admit you are powerless. God, this whole thing is so brand new to me. I don't know what I am doing. Step two: believe God can restore you. Father only you can lead me where I need to go. Step three: turn it over to Him. So I give this to you. This abundance you have placed in my lap. I humbly give it back to you.
Help me Lord to follow where you lead.
To everything there is a season, and with time off from leading a group, perhaps I need to take that time to write.
Okay, fine, God is calling me to write.
You see, I have this story to tell, and if I don't write it down, if I don't share what I know out of my obedient overflow, many will miss out.
God previously called me to be silent, to be still and listen as He did the work.
In this season, He is causing me to sing "I will not be silent" (ala David Crowder Band) and to share what the Lord has done through me.
Today I was invited to sit in on my church's All Staff meeting, where we had a guest speaker. Anne Jackson (another Anne with an e-- love it!) wrote the book Mad Church Disease. She talked about how serving should come from an obedient overflow and that phrase stuck out to me. You see I feel that by grace I am swimming in this overflow, unsure as to what to do right now. I have never been here before. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go.
God says to write. So here I go. Step one: admit you are powerless. God, this whole thing is so brand new to me. I don't know what I am doing. Step two: believe God can restore you. Father only you can lead me where I need to go. Step three: turn it over to Him. So I give this to you. This abundance you have placed in my lap. I humbly give it back to you.
Help me Lord to follow where you lead.
Monday, March 16, 2009
It only gets worse before it gets better -- you are not alone
I find that when I am really challenged, and I am set to win, I find the most opposition.
You see I truly believe, I truly know that I am set to come out on top. As a Christ-follower, I know that God uses things others intend for evil for good. (Genesis 50:20) Joseph had to be a prisoner of the Pharaoh before he became second in charge. I know that God causes all things to work for good for those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I know that I will have to endure many trials for a little while, but it will be followed by great joy (1 Peter 1:6).
I know that trials develop endurance, endurance develops character, and character develops hope. I know this hope does not disappoint. (Romans 5: 3-5)
I can go and quote scripture after scripture about why I should hang on. I can sing "Rescue is coming..."by David Crowder and "Hold Fast" by Mercy Me and know God is talking to me. Why? Why can I do that? Isn't it hard?
Yes, it is hard. But, I know this... every single time I have put myself in the hands of the Lord, he has NEVER disappointed. He never lets me down. How can I? Because the Lord is God, not a mere human, he is so much above us that we can't even grasp. He never changes. He never lets go, even when I do.
And being broken, going through the hard stuff, only makes it easier for me to lean on God, because in the words of Simon Peter "Lord, to whom shall we go, you have the words of eternal life." (John 6: 68) Men and women are just mere humans, made from dust, yet God created us, certainly he cares for us (eg: Matt 10:29-31).
One of the many ways He cares for us is through community. I have so many people who love me and care for me. And even though I know the Lord is always with me, it helps to know that so many people care as well. These friends help me to stay standing when it all seems impossible. They keep my eyes focused on the Lord when they dart elsewhere. They can "be Jesus" to me through their actions and heart.
So, yes, its gonna get worse, I know that... but I can confidently stand with God on my side and many friends to hold me up.
You see I truly believe, I truly know that I am set to come out on top. As a Christ-follower, I know that God uses things others intend for evil for good. (Genesis 50:20) Joseph had to be a prisoner of the Pharaoh before he became second in charge. I know that God causes all things to work for good for those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I know that I will have to endure many trials for a little while, but it will be followed by great joy (1 Peter 1:6).
I know that trials develop endurance, endurance develops character, and character develops hope. I know this hope does not disappoint. (Romans 5: 3-5)
I can go and quote scripture after scripture about why I should hang on. I can sing "Rescue is coming..."by David Crowder and "Hold Fast" by Mercy Me and know God is talking to me. Why? Why can I do that? Isn't it hard?
Yes, it is hard. But, I know this... every single time I have put myself in the hands of the Lord, he has NEVER disappointed. He never lets me down. How can I? Because the Lord is God, not a mere human, he is so much above us that we can't even grasp. He never changes. He never lets go, even when I do.
And being broken, going through the hard stuff, only makes it easier for me to lean on God, because in the words of Simon Peter "Lord, to whom shall we go, you have the words of eternal life." (John 6: 68) Men and women are just mere humans, made from dust, yet God created us, certainly he cares for us (eg: Matt 10:29-31).
One of the many ways He cares for us is through community. I have so many people who love me and care for me. And even though I know the Lord is always with me, it helps to know that so many people care as well. These friends help me to stay standing when it all seems impossible. They keep my eyes focused on the Lord when they dart elsewhere. They can "be Jesus" to me through their actions and heart.
So, yes, its gonna get worse, I know that... but I can confidently stand with God on my side and many friends to hold me up.
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