Proceed as if

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Some people might think I am nuts when I say I have heard from the Lord.  I truly believe that God has told me to pursue custody of Jeramy, and we won.  It was a long hard battle.  We got rainbows and songs on the radio and words of encouragement and truth when we needed, and we hobbled along.  Oh how I leaned on Isaiah.  It was more like God carried us.

Which is how it has been today.  The impossible is now possible.  We proceeded as if ... and it did.  God came through in a big way.  We applied for the apartment knowing that we couldn't come up with the money on our own.  God provided.

We will be a family, together.  Will will be away from abuse and fear.  We will have shelter.

And I won't take this lightly.  I plan on using this home the way God wants me to. As a family we are going to be intentional ambassadors to the community, and to invite people into our home, and into our lives.  It won't be easy, but its bound to be fun, and its certain to be good.

I feel like our family has a chance at our future.  Its all happening, and its all God.  I acted in faith and He met me.  I am floored.  Thanks Lord, words seem insufficient. You rock!

Suburban Nomads

My husband and I were joking today.  He said he didn't like to feel like such a wanderer.  I said that if the Isrealites wandered a desert before they found a home for 40 years and then had to fight for it, we aren't doing too bad.  We haven't made any golden calves yet.  We haven't had to rely on Manna, although it feels like it.

As school winds down, Dave, Jeramy and I will be moving yet again.  Living with my father has put too much strain on his marriage, and we knew it was time to move on.  God provided for us and set it in on the hearts of another family to take us in and help us to get on our feet.  This time it will be a good 15 miles for us.  For Dave, this continues to be a reduction in mileage per move, for me this is the farthest I have ever gone (not counting staying in DeKalb for college).  Truly a new area for us, not too far, yet not familiar.

We will be closer to our friends and church.  The schools will be great.  The neighborhood is great.  I know this won't be perfect, but to be honest, its what we desired to do as a family, except we are the recipients of the hospitality.  I often wonder why it is that we go through what we do.  But when something like this comes together, sometimes it makes sense.

I am truly embracing God's love for me right now.  I have hope that goes beyond what the world believes in. God meets me in all of that. I just do the next right thing, take the next right step, and I find Him there.  God is so awesome. This isn't safe, and its definitely not easy.  But oh its good.

Inside out, Jesus you turn me, upside down, and round and round....

Continuing on the Journey of all things changing, nothing staying the same... Yet all things are still the same externally, my heart and mind are going through things which will influence my physical actions.  Anyway, I want to blog out some things and work through them, "so pardon me while I burst."

So I have moved on to reading Shane Claiborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" and wow.  Shane is my age, and he chose to chase after Christianity and got to experience working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta (of course while he was doing this, my life was in bad shape and I was far from Christ.)  He followed his visit to Calcutta with a semester at Wheaton College and an internship at Willow Creek.  He was in my town.  He says in his book "I must say Wheaton wasn't the easiest place to be." After which my sister (whom I borrowed the book from) wrote HA!!!  I know he was referring to the college, but for us, its the town we grew up in.

Wheaton is full of churches.  It is the church capitol of DuPage county and you can't drive around much without running into a church.  But oh how spiritually dead it is.  And at the time Shane was here, there was still a dancing ban at the college!  (I will never forget dancing at the college to worship God and thinking how much this would piss some people off- and it was Matt Redmond's doing.  I would swear the balcony would fall down!)  Now there are some people truly searching God, there always are, but the reality is that Wheaton is just another suburban town centered around appearances and bigger and better homes.  Even in the neighborhood I grew up in, mansions are replacing older homes at an alarming rate.  (well alarming to me anyway.)

What gets me always when I think about how cozy our little area is, and as I watch cars drive down streets that could support an entire village for a few years with the cost of them, is how damn selfish we are.  I felt this before Shane's book, and to be honest, I am glad to see others feel it too.

Shane noticed the difference between the poor in Calcutta and in the suburbs.  The people in Calcutta had no money, the suburbanites were spiritually poor. "The more I read the Bible, the more I felt my comfortable life interrupted." Yes, that is exactly how I felt.  Shane says how much he "long[s] for the Calcutta slums to meet the Chicago suburbs, for lepers to meet landowners and for each to see God's image in the other.  Its no wonder that the footsteps of Jesus lead from the tax collectors to the lepers.  I truly believe that when the poor meet the rich, riches will have no meaning.  And when the rich meet the poor, we will see poverty come to an end." emphasis mine.

Call me a revolutionary, but I am only following in the footsteps of the one who saved me.  Jesus.

So what does this mean? Where do we go from here? Its the question we all must wrestle with.  And so I leave you with a quote from the late great Mamma T (Mother Teresa). "We can do no great things, just small things with great love.  It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it."

I wrote this Sunday night...

Its after 2am and I am still awake.
Today was phenomenal. My heart just trembled as I swept my eyes up and down the hill. "Wow, this is unbelievable!" I believe it was just a glimpse of a sliver of heaven.

Shortly after I started coming to CCC, there was an all campus picnic. I hardly knew anyone, and spotted the pastors to keep entertained.

My how times have changed...

Today I didn't go a moment without seeing people I knew, and I lost count of how many meaningful hugs I imparted to dear friends. Sometimes all I could do was wave hello as they passed by.

Talk about IMPACT...

I was a lonely soul looking for significance and meaning in my life. Through COMMUNITY I have been able to connect to tons of people, celebrate my life instead of wallow in depression, and contribute to helping other people find their way back to God. I have found great love from God and can't help but want others to know the change, the resurrection life he has given to me is available to them as well

As I think and pray about what's next for me and my family, I can't help but to praise God for Community Christian Church and the impact it has had on my life. . Its people have become my extended family that has supported me and my family through some of the roughest years of our lives. I have learned and grown so much, I often find myself amazed!

I hope that I am able to pass on the great love that COMMUNITY has and continues to show me.

Best EVER Mother's Day

First off, I have to say that my mom and I never really celebrated Mother's Day. I used to say I love my mom 364 other days of the year. See, it all started with expectations and having to do things I didn't like. Then once, I moved out on Mother's Day. Since then, we always did something around Mother's Day, but we always did do something special. My mom was very special to me, and I miss her. She came up today, and a song came on the radio to let me know that even though she is not here on Earth with me, she knows what is going on, and she is proud.

Today I was communicator in Kids' City. That means I stand up on stage in front of a bunch of 1st-5th graders and teach them a lesson about God. Don't worry, I have a script. It went well. Sometime after the first group Jeramy said, "wait, it's mother's day this weekend?" Yeah, don't you remember you made your mom a card in school and we put it in the mail? "Oh yeah. Happy Mother's Day." Thank you Jeramy.

I tried so hard not to cry.

Then, after second group, he gave me my present. Apparently he really wanted to get me a bracelet from the resource table. (They sell handmade jewelry and other stuff to support missions.) He came up with the idea himself. He said he knows I really like rocks (because I had just showed him my rock collection from when I was a child this morning.) I was soooo happy.

Dave said that Jeramy came up with the idea himself. All unprompted.

This kid has a generous heart.

Mine -- mooshed.

God is so good. He really has watched over Jeramy's heart. He really does answer prayers.

It is well with my soul.