Operation: Me

Did you know that if you break your nose, in order to fix it that the doctor must break it again?  It's kind of like when your joint gets so bad you can barely walk they slice you open, cut out the bad parts and replace them with metal and plastic and sew you back up.  If you think about most medical stuff, its gruesome.  Basically most surgeons use the same tools found in a wood shop, just tweaked and sanitized.  Hammers, saws, pins, screws and cement.

God does that to us too.  He uses common tools to operate on us.  I mean of course they are special in the hands of the Surgeon, but it is still gonna be bloody and messy and need healing.  And he can specialize them and clean them up, but what is important is the work that is being done.

We are born into a broken and messed up world.  No body is perfect and everyone sins.  Time and time again God's chosen people, the Israelites turned their backs on God and did whatever they wanted.  Time and time again God had to rescue them.  And he still does that today for us.  Jesus was sent as the ultimate answer.  Once you accept Jesus in your life, things will be great, right?!?!

Not so, in fact Jesus himself says that in this world you will have troubles.  But, he then goes on to tell us to take heart, because he has overcome the world. I tend to forget that I have that power living within me.  I get scared.

I started Be Still My Soul, and Nancy Guthrie, the editor (and a fantastic author) tells of how we tend to get blown around unless we are tethered to Jesus.  I love how she uses the analogy of a tree she was trying to plant, it worked for me.  She uses this basis to open up the book that is going to talk about pain and suffering and how God uses it for the best. She says that if we stay tethered to Jesus, we will still get blown around, but we won't fall down, and in fact we will be able to flourish.

To be honest with you, this book came at a time when my soul has been anything but still.  This was the book I needed.  My heart and mind have been racing for months. If you know about autonomic response, its like I was living in the fight or flight mode for some time.  I needed just this.  I needed to be still.

Tonight, I came home to a stressed out husband.  He needed it, he needed  to be still.  And so I read him the preface and chapter one.  Chapter one is from a sermon given by Tim Keller that says how God uses suffering to strengthen our joy.  The scripture used and the stories given were of a great encouragement to me, and I hope to my husband also because he was able to fall asleep finally.  I want to rip through this book, but I also want to soak it up and savor it.  I want to devour it but I know that I will enjoy it more when I take the time to let it sink in, to pray and ponder on it.

So this tool, a book, is not really the thing that God used to operate on me with.  This is my "physical therapy" sessions beginning.  The leg has been broken and set.  The swelling has gone down.  I am ready to start recovering.  According to everything I have ever read in the Bible and seen in my life, if I keep up with PT and work on this then I will be stronger for it.  I can't rip through PT in one day.  This is a process.

It is gonna hurt, I have to make quite a few changes and to be honest, its a bit scary, almost fight or flight inducing.  I have to remember to stay tethered to my Savior.  God is the one thing I know will never change, always be good, and always love me.  He won't lead me astray.  He searches for me when I am lost.  He carries me when I have no strength.  He holds me while I cry and keeps me safe.

This month will probably be one of the most grueling and agonizing months ever.  But I am ready now.  I am ready because I am tied to my Jesus- and he never lets go.

Pain - are you ready?

I returned to my home today.  I went back to Celebrate the Journey.

You see my soul was aching to be filled with Jesus and going home with the family was not gonna cut it. Stress in my life is just coming up so quick and change is eminent this month.  Something is going to break.  It was me, I wanted to cry.  I was torn between spending the night with my family or seeing my friends and getting my church on.

To say it rocked was an understatement.  I walked in and was surrounded by people I love.  Music praising (and rocking) God and an awesome teaching from my dear friend- whom I didn't tell her I was there until the end.  Love, hugs and kisses.  Every time I went to talk to someone, it got interrupted by another.  I was an event.  God spoke to me in the songs, in the teaching, and in small group.

Which brings us to the title of this entry.  I can't remember the exact quote from the study, but it had to do with the fact that when you are ready to face pain, you are ready to stop your sin and change.  The chapter was on forgiveness.  I can't even remember how it all tied in anymore.  It is funny how it is all foggy.

Anyway, it was the sentence that stood out to me to tell me that the pain I was going through was a good pain, it was a pain for change for the better, and I was letting go of my "idol" and moving towards what God wanted me to do.  That just like when you work out (which I also need to do) and when you grow up, you have to experience growing pains-

Moving myself away from what "the world's" standards are, and moving towards God's will not make sense to most people.  But it will to me.  The first time I saw a light at the end of my cave is when I decided to let go of that.  Tonight, I think I stuck my head out of my cave.  It felt good.

Am I ready for pain?  I think so.  Now that I have the right focus.  Oddly enough, God sent me a book today.  Okay, God and Crossway publishers.  Its called Be Still My Soul: Embracing God's Purpose & Provision in Suffering.  Funny God story how he got it to me, but I really think I need to read it.  So I want to "review" it and post about it.  I think God works in ways that blow my mind, and he sent me this book- so I better read it!

But I can't face pain alone.  I need my family.  I need my friends.  Are you in?  Pray it up folks- this is gonna blow all our minds.