Living like its Saturday

I think most Christians live life on Saturday, I mean, they knew Jesus, saw the miracles he performed, but then on Friday he was crucified.  We forget that Sunday happened.  We forget the open grave.  We forget the resurrection, we forget Jesus lives.  Easter becomes about a bunny and chocolate and jelly beans, not an empty grave. 

When bad things happen, or things we consider to be bad happen, do we turn from our God, forgetting how in 3 days Jesus defeated death and became our resurrected Lord? So often we take the opinion that its the end, that the story is over. 

But when you begin to live your life like its Sunday, instead of Saturday, you have a new outlook on things.  Death and endings are just the beginning, and there are so many new opportunities for a brand new start.

I just lost my job in March.  Honestly, it took me a while to get to the place where I was okay with it.  I was living a few days in Friday mentality, then quite some time in Saturday.  I didn't feel anymore, just lost my hope.  But, I look to my God and know that he has something spectacular planned for me.  I know that every single time I trust in him, I am not disappointed, he blows my mind. Sunday comes, and the grave is empty.  Jesus lives! 

Last year, we brought home Jeramy to be a part of the family, this year I don't know what the empty grave really means, but I know it is going to be awesome, and nothing that I could imagine.  God always has something planned that we can't imagine.  His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, his ways are higher than my ways.  So now, my Saturday takes on a whole different meaning than it used to.  Before, it was dead, but now it is alive.  Instead of dread and disappointment, Saturday holds anticipation for me of what Sunday might bring.

Which Saturday do you live in?  The one where there is no hope?  I want to invite you to take this Saturday to open your heart and your mind to the idea that something miraculous is about to happen.  Something you can't even fathom the height or depth of the impact on your life.  Trust in the ONE who defeated death.  Trust that what God may remove from your life he only means to replace with something way more better.

Jesus was awesome- but if he didn't leave, defeat death, he couldn't send his Holy Spirit to fill us. Thanks God for Friday, Saturday, but especially for Sunday.

Happy Easter.

I need EASTER

I need Easter this year more than ever before. 

I need to remember that Jesus didn't just die on the cross for my sins and it ends there.  I need to remember that he rose again, and defeated death.  The life I lead doesn't have to stay on the cross, but can be a resurrection life.  I can't believe I live much of my life as if Jesus died on the cross, but not as the tomb was empty. 

I need to embrace being shaped by the Potter, this broken piece of clay.  I am not alone.  I need Jesus more and more all the time.  I wish Jesus was like a magic wand, its not.  In fact I told someone tonight that my life has gotten way more complicated since I gave him my life in '06.  Jesus doesn't make us think that this life is an easy one.  He reminds us often it is not.  In John 16:33 Jesus tells us "...in this world you will have trouble. But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  I hang tight to that, in my dear savior's arms.

Knowing the financial trouble I am in is due to the legal case I have been involved in.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.  People and relationships matter more to me than stuff, houses, or any stability.  Because you know in the end you can't take any of that with you, but you can impact lives and hearts with your own.

I want to stop being all about me, and more about Jesus.  I want to serve those who need his love.  I want Jesus to greet me from the shore, cooking breakfast- RISEN.

Its beggining to look a lot like Christmas

So guess I gave in and we got a REAL LIVE tree! 

Ever since Thanksgiving week, I have been waking Jeramy up for school.  It has been very rewarding as I have been able to see him and be more involved in his life.  We are really starting to bond.  Just the other night he said he maybe wanted to be an x-ray tech when he grows up.  That just makes me grin from ear to ear.  Not that he wants to be an x-ray tech, but that he wants to be like me. =D

I have given so much of myself to bring him home, and although we are got going to have "Christmas" Day with Jeramy(he will be with his mom), I really am enjoying our first Christmas together.  I never knew that Christmas could be so wonderful, at least my adult self never did. 

I truly look forward to opening gifts and singing carols and decking the halls and all that.  I assure you that no one has slipped anything in my drink!  I think perhaps that my Christmas wishes have all been met.  I have a wonderful husband, whom I respect and cherish.  And now, this year... a beautiful, bouncy, loving, smart, fun 7 year old boy.

Today when we were driving home with the tree, we were talking about my mom, and then her song came on the radio.  I knew then that Mom was smiling down on us, and she was being a part of this Christmas after all.  I told Jeramy my mom would have really loved him.  I just think he is the neatest kid ever.

Also, we are working on a gingerbread house (I need to get an ingredient to fix the icing) which is really cool because I have never done it before.  I also got Jeramy an advent calender, which is fun, and I don't remember having one. 

Tonight I read him "The Littlest Angel" which I don't remember much other than it was a book I drew a picture from in kindergarten.  It was about a gift for baby Jesus.  So then Jeramy wanted me to read him some stuff about Jesus.  I got out "The Voice" version of the Bible, and read from Luke.  The Christmas story... actually I think I got all the way through Luke 5 before he fell asleep.  The Voice is wonderful to read aloud, and it really makes the story understandable as well as beautiful. I see Jeramy starting to get it, and understand the story, which is cool.

I am just so excited with how much we are growing as a family, and hope that it never stops.  I also hope to always delight in it!

Love you so much Jeramy. 

Now Dave, get better and this Christmas will be great!

Thankfulness

I have so many reasons to be thankful this Thanksgiving.  Lets start with my salvation in Christ Jesus.  I won't delve in, just need to list that first.  Without Jesus, none of this would be possible, and who would I truly be thankful to??

God has blessed me with so much, and family has to be first.  My family has expanded exponentially this year, and all of the drama and heartache has been worth it.  All of it.  There is no greater joy in this world than the giggle of that child, my child, happy in his family.

I am especially thankful for my friends who are my extended family.  So many of you have stepped up to love me, tell me the truth, hug me, hold me and let me cry.  For some its just a text or note on Facebook or voicemail that came at just the right time.  For some it has been physical and/or financial sacrifice.  For many it has been hours upon hours of fervent prayer.  I have gotten more love, forgiveness, and undeserving grace this year from all of you than I could ever deserve.  Thank you.

I need to separately list my sister Megan.  Megan has come to stand beside me, in every way possible this year.  Loving me, praying for me, sacrificing financially, and giving me big sister advice (she is older than me spiritually, and that wisdom can count more than time).  Megan and I used to be far apart, and now that we are reunited in our hearts, we grow closer all the time.  Meggie, you truly are a blessing.  I love you Boo!

Of course there is Dave.  I have to list Dave separately.  Why? Because we are one, he is my partner.  I have had more love and support from him than I deserve.  More grace than I deserve.  More respect than I have earned.  Dave is strong when I am not, and always brings me back to what is important.  The man has more wisdom than I can shake a fist at, and every single time I watch him with Jeramy I am blown away at just how fantastic a father he truly is.  I love you so much Dave. 

Of course if I started listing people one by one, I would never get any Turkey.  Just know that each and every single one of you is loved, cherished, thought of, and prayed for today and most every day.

I lost my Bible!!!

I lost my Bible on Valentine's day.

But you see, it wasn't just a Bible, it was my Bible. My Bible had my markings, lines, highlights, hearts, notes. I could find some scripture that I wanted quickly, I knew that Bible like the back of my hand. Now, for those of you that know me, you know my Bible has gone lots of places with me. I am sure the restaurant where I last had it has it, I still have to call and find out.

I decided to buy a Bible that I could carry with me everywhere 3 years ago in February. This Bible was the perfect size and I could still read the letters without a magnifying glass or glasses. I had been reading this honking huge one, and to be honest, I did not enjoy carrying it with me everywhere. It was a great Bible, thanks Dad, but it was too big, too heavy. I was just getting into the Word, reading it a lot, journaling, and getting to know God. I had decided to follow Jesus, and buying this Bible was the first physical step for me. It was going to be one that I chose and could have near to me always.

I have spent time with my nose in that book at work, in bed, on my couch, in the kitchen, in the bathroom (aka the library), on a plane, in the car, at doctor's offices, in church, at a courthouse waiting the trial that did not yet happen...

Losing my Bible, I feel like I lost a part of me. The Bible was not just a book, it was my friend, my comforter in times of stress.

Now, I have to have like over a dozen different Bibles around the house. I have the one my dad gave my mom when they were dating, I have the one I used in Jr High/High School, Dave's got tons including the Archeological Study Bible and the Apologetics Bible. He actually uses the Big Honker NLT mentioned above that I gave up in favor for the small one. Someone gave Dave a Catholic Action Bible, which is more for entertainment value than anything... that one is the largest. Next door in the spare room is at least the Superheroes Bible and the Rhyme Bible. My buddy Paul has my Message Remix.

But they aren't my Bible.

I know they are all the Word of God.

I just bought a friend the exact Bible I would have got if I were buying myself another one, well a study one. See I get distracted a lot by the footnotes, and spend too much time reading them, not enough time reading the actual Bible part.

So, pray for me. If it is God's will, I will get my friend back. If not, it's off to Family Christian to pick out a new one. I make the call tommorow.

Coming out of hiding...

I have to admit, I have been in hiding. I got sick, and cold weather keeps me bottled up inside. I have no money, no groceries, and spent way too much time in bed. I have been letting depression win. Why? I hate that part of me, I hate laying in bed and staying isolated. I love people, I love my people. I miss them.

I have to say thanks to my soul sista JJ for slapping me across the face, but she didn't know it. Read her whole post here. This is what I am cutting and pasting for you:

Life is meant to be lived...

it is not meant to hide from what you may be afraid of, or who may hurt you.

To live is to feel the fear and do it anyway. To live is to feel the hurt, and love them anyway.

To live is to enjoy what comforts your fort may bring you, but to be strong and courageous when the time comes to tear it down... and leave your hiding place behind.

We weren't meant to hide forever.




The world is waiting...


make your move.

Here I am. I can't hide in my fort forever!

Look Maggie, a Lemur!

I have always loved the Simpsons. One of my favorite episodes starts with Lisa showing pictures to Maggie, and there is one of a lemur. Then Bart comes in and gets poked on the arm and goes "Ow, quit it." I think this is when he got a tattoo. Anyways, I just loved the way that Lisa said "lemur." I love the sound of the word lemur. It rhymes with femur, but is much more funny. Plus, look at the lemurs, they are the goofiest looking things ever! I love their ringtails and pointy ears and masked face.

Lemurs have absolutely nothing to do with me right now, except that it just seems how funny life is. We have lots of homework to do, mostly Dave does. And Dave started 2 new jobs, and actually works 40 hours a week now, which means we hardly get to see each other not tired.

This whole thing is taking some getting used to.

And then the sun has been missing.

Well, it did come back today, which explains the change in my demeanor. I wonder if a lamp would actually help me? When would I use it? I have no desire to go to Alaska at all. The sun dissapears half a year, and hangs around too long the other half. I think I wouldn't make it. It is hard enough with Chicago weather!

I need to write an update email, lots have been mentioning they would like an update.

I got through my Christmas cards last night, just need to check a few more addresses, and buy stamps (the line was Ginormous last time) then I can send them out.

I miss my friends Paul and Pearl, I haven't seen them in a while, and I used to see them all the time, so I feel so funny without them.

Oh, and life as we know it, its about to change.

By the way, I bawled my eyes out during "Bolt." Really good movie, for a cartoon.

What a Turkey - Insane ramblings on the meaning of Thanksgiving

I have to apologize for my insanity of late. It seems that my emotions just overwhelm me at times. You see, its that time of the year. Time when we kill millions of turkeys off for a feast, get together with people we aren't normally around everyday, in fact some of whom we dread, and say we are thankful to God.

In America, Thanksgiving has become a holiday of celebrating our blessings by getting together with family and friends and then spend like a freak the next day. Its the official start of the Christmas (aka spending) season. Its a time when many folks gather in front of a tube to watch men tackle each other all day. Often, indulgence wins on this holiday, and holiday cheer turns into one too many beers. Leftovers become a challenge as to who can eat the most and make the most creative recipes. In all of this craziness, did you ever stop to wonder what this holiday is all about? Did you know that the word holiday came from "Holy Day" and that this day of indulgence was actually meant to be a Holy Day of reflection and celebration, giving thanks to God?

Thanksgiving occurred after the harvest, at a time when things were bountiful, and there was much to celebrate. It also helps to put on a winter layer of fat. It was a time to gather with your clan and give thanks to God. Now with all celebrations in the Bible, a special offering is given. This is the above and beyond your normal sacrificial giving, or above the tithe. It is given to the church, or should I say Church, and was used to glorify God and build up His Body.

Now if you watch Martha Stewart, you might come to the conclusion that it is used to glorify you and your home. Hosting a Thanksgiving is like boasting in your ability to provide, and showing your wealth off to your family. Why not go out and get a new couch before the family comes, because you wouldn't want them to ridicule the 5 year old one you have with that one stain from the juice your toddler spilled on it?

If you really want to honor God, do something different. Invite not just your family, but friends who have no place to go. The single mom from work who seems lonely, the nice guy who serves coffee and remembers your name, that one checker at the grocery store who won't crack a smile, but always remembers you, the recently divorced guy at the gym, those are the people that need to know they are loved. If your family judges your couch, they obviously don't care about you, and who you are. They obviously are not there to honor God and give thanks for how He has provided throughout the year.

The whole commercialization of holidays overall makes me sick.

If you don't give thanks to God, who do you give thanks to? If you only give thanks to God on Thanksgiving and when you just survived something horrible, why? Why not give thanks to God every day? Do you realize that God loves you just the way you are and wants so much more happiness and fulfillment for you? Do you realize that Jesus would have still been beaten and died on the cross if it was only for you? Do you realize that Jesus overcame death? Do you realize that it is because of Jesus you can have a relationship with God, an intimate relationship?

Thanks God, I wouldn't be where I am today without you. My shelter from the storm, my solid rock, my Redeemer, my Friend, my Lord, my God I love you.

Welcome back to school

Not sure what to do this labor day weekend? Yearbook yourself. It is hilarious and just might take you back to the day, or your parent's day, or your grandparent's day. I know how much I look like my grandma now. Seriously, its sad.

What's also sad is how many of these hairstyles I have worn. Or how good I look in some of them. Like the fro! I so could have pulled that one off.... NOT!

Its quite possible that several of these could take the place of my senior photo. Infact, I think the second one is as close as it gets!

Ahh, will the wonders of the internet never cease!?!?

Monday morning weigh-IN

Nothing like a great weekend to give you an energy boost. I had a great one!

Saturday I went to my dad's for brunch. My sister made blueberry and banana pancakes! Yum! Then we went to my aunt and uncle's house. My cousin and her husband from Indiana were there (Boilermakers, not Hoosiers) as well as my sister, Megan. We had a great time, chatting, swimming, eating yummy food, and playing tetris with Megan's mini-van.

Sunday started out with a Celebration Service at the Yellow Box that rocks, and then we picked up Paul and Pearl and headed to the BEACH! We drove up to Wisconsin, and it was gorgeous! So much fun, and Becky met us at my sister's house and then we hit the sand. The water was COLD! But the sand was bearable. We swam, hunted rocks, dug holes in the sand, and chatted. Then we hit Texas Roadhouse for some kick-butt steaks! After the drive home, we stopped at Coldstone for ice cream. I had never been there before, so what a perfect night topper. As we stood outside, we could see fireworks on the skyline.

Award goes to Paul for most rocks ever.

Here goes the WEIGHT ugh...

Last weigh in weight: 243.1
Today's weight: 243.1
Total weight lost: 34.5 lbs.

NO JOKE! Yeah me for not gaining! Even with steak AND ice cream!!!

Now, I have more energy, its back to business. I have a 12 hour day today... got to go!

Sun is out and I am happy

Nothing brings me down more than gray days. I don't care that it is not 70, or even 60. Heck, I am from Chicago where 40 is warm. I will take it! As long as the sun is shining!

SUN SUN SUN SUN

Which makes me think that the SON is going to shine on Sunday/Sonday as this is HOLY week. The week we celebrate Jesus's death and resurrection. The death part is cool, because that is where He took on all of my sins. The resurrection part is awesome because that means that I have life again through Christ. I have been adopted by a King through the blood of my Lamb!

HALLELUJAH!!!

(never mind the fact that I have to work on Easter, I still praise HIM!!!)

Birthday Presence

-So, how was your birthday, do anything fun?

~Yeah, I worked.

-Did Dave get you anything good?

~Yeah, he took me out for lunch and got me a gift certificate to Borders

-Cool, well hope you had a good birthday!

~Thanks, yeah, it was good.

I just cannot describe to people the way I felt on my birthday. See, Thursday (the day before) I had this awesome meeting with some people, and found out that God is working to get some great stuff together. A dream that I had is going to come true. A way that I can help and serve and give back all for God is starting to take shape. God gave THAT to me for my birthday! So recently I feel like I have fallen in love all over again. It is hard to explain the whole thing, but lets just say it rocks! I have been in this awesome mood and totally praising God recently!

If this starts to take more of a shape, you will get details eventually. Lets just say that people, places, events, and experience are all coming together thanks to God. If this all works out, it will be the bestest ever. Thanks God! You are good!

I am Pirate of the Year! YARGH!!!

A family tradition happened when my cousin got the Pirates of the Caribbean game on DVD for Christmas. Now we play it every Christmas, and I WON!

PIRATE! For once it is good to have the most booty.

Yeah! See how disappointed my mates are?

I had a great Christmas, and I hope all of you did too!

Back to work today... :( wahhh!

Dear God

Please help me be gracious this Christmas as I receive gifts. I have a problem with greed, and when I get something I really don't want or can't use, I get angry or upset. Help me to not let physical things turn me into a monster. I know where my treasure lies, and it is with you oh Lord.
Help me just to celebrate you, and enjoy visiting family and friends.
Help me to glorify you with my actions, thoughts and heart.
Thank you for your son Jesus. Amen

The true meaning of Christmas

Suddenly I find that Christmas is creeping up on us. I check my email, I then go to my Google Reader and catch up on some blogs. God is talking to me through others and through my life to realize for the first Christmas ever what this whole thing is all about.

All of my life I thought Christmas was about what I could get, exchanging gifts, so you can get gifts, and food... lots of food. Family, yes, and even baby Jesus, oh and the carols, you have to sing the carols.

God came to us.

That should be reason to celebrate. We got this gift, this perfect thing in such a delicate baby boy delivered in a stable. This baby dies for our sins, then defeats death and resurrects. We can now have a relationship directly with God, that was never ever possible before. All because a baby was born... and the life he lead... and the death... and the resurrection.

So for us, what is Christmas?

Christmas should be about giving a gift that cannot be repaid. Check out Matt's post. Matt is a great guy that moved to KC, MO to follow a dream that God put in his head. I love and pray for Matt, and the whole Restore team.

What can you give?

More than you could imagine

I have to apologize for the lack of posts recently. Life has been throwing me some bones, and I have wound up with more than I could imagine on my plate right now.

But it is all good.

I have a huge thing that I can't mention yet for legal purposes, and some other nuggets that I should share. And despite it being a big deal, I know it will be alright.

For one of the larger nuggets, I will be giving my testimony next Tuesday at Celebrate the Journey. This is a big ordeal because I am going to be vulnerable to people I don't know in the hopes that it can help them to better their lives. No one likes to talk about their past, but when we do it, we are actually setting it free. I really hope that I don't trip on stage, but if I do, oh well, it shows I am human, right?

I have this vacation planned to catch up with folks that I haven't seen in a while. If this is you, call me! Vacation starts Tuesday. I recently got texted by an old, old pal and hope that we can get together next week.

The Christmas tree is up, the stockings are hung by the chimney with care, and most of my shopping is done, except for my dad and Yola, I don't know what to get them... probably another gift certificate for (oh wait, what if he happens to read my blog, its rare, but it happens so thus ends this sentence.)

My cousin and her new husband will be out of town for Christmas this year. It will be weird, x-mas without them... (and before you un-informed people e-mail me, x is an acceptable, non-blasphemous substitute for Christ in Christmas! Do some research!)

My sister, Megan, has caught the cold. Pray for her.

Free food! Free food!

Yesterday was a great day. Despite my 16 hour work day and 4 hour sleep, I really enjoyed getting up and going to my aunt's house for Thanksgiving.

First of all, props to the Turkey, it was the bestest bird ever. So juicy and tender and delicious! Tammy made this yummy peanut butter sweet potato recipe, which was good if you like peanut buttery stuff. I myself am not a fan, but still enjoyed the potato dish. Also had butternut squash, mashed potatoes, corn, two types of stuffing (both great), biscuits and I just about ate two stomachs worth.

Did you know Mike Ditka makes wine? Well, it was good, and we had a great SNL moment to go along with it.

I also have to give mad props to my sister who has lost like 40 lbs and is looking svelt. I have always thought that my sister was the prettiest ever, and now she just shines. Embarrassing my little sister is what I do best, cuz I love her!

I just had one of the bestest Thanksgivings ever, I have lots to be thankful for. Dave and I had a great night. Thanks so much to my aunt and uncle for hosting, and my cousins and sister for helping cook. And Tottie for being cute.

Now today we go to my dad's for ham. I hope I still can eat! MMMM ham. Yeah, I think I can still eat!

Happy Thanksgiving

For Turkey Day, I will be going to my Aunt Robin's house. For day after (Ham Day) I will be going to Dad's house. Megan will be in town (yeah!) and I get to see her both days.

For today, I get to work a double shift at the hospital. Pray that I don't curl up in the salad and fall asleep tomorrow, especially after all the tryptophan in the turkey knocks me out!

Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving! I am thankful for all of my friends and family that read my blog. May you be blessed on Thanksgiving and every day.

Too hot to play

Welcome to the dog days of summer. It is hot outside, and too hot for my air conditioning to keep up. So while the sun shines, I lay inside like a dog.

I am watching the Cubs on TV, we just gave up a grand slam so I am really in no mood to play now.

Good thing I have to go to work, otherwise I might just laze all day. Holidays are good days to avoid people by staying home. I can sometimes get overwhelmed in crowds, and for some reason everyone is out on the 4th of July, imagine that.

I also don't want to do anything because I know I will be at work later. That and the cramps, they really don't help. Hopefully, the Motrin will, and I will be able to stand up shortly. In the meantime, I am just gonna lay here watching the ball(game) with my legs up.

Happy Independence Day

Hurry up and grab your flags!

It is holiday time, which means I am working, because hospitals never close. I don't work every holiday, just feels like it sometimes.

My recent obsession is internet cats. I have been looking for cat pictures like teen boys look for porn. I think it is because they make me laugh, and I need all the smiles I can get.

It seems like everyone is on vacation. What is up with that? Summer I suppose makes people want to run away from home? I feel so out of the loop because I am not going anywhere or doing anything.

I do have some things planned. Saturday we go to Kenosha to go out on Lake Michigan. Mom's memorial service on the lake. July 21 we go to an awesome all day concert festival in Schaumburg. That should be fun.

Maybe its because I am still in a funk that I feel this way. I hope to make more plans with friends. Hello, friends? Oh, sorry, they are on vacation too.