Digging around - Luke 8 reflections

If you read my last post, you might remember how my friend challenged me to read Luke 8 every day.  I have been, despite being tired as all get-out and thinking of how boring and repetitive it is, I have read Luke 8 every day.  Today, I started out in the middle of Luke 8, as I had put my bookmark there for some reason.  It helped me, because I started out with the story of the possessed man and the pigs that jumped over a cliff.  Luke 8 has so much in it, so it was nice to kind of start off there and then come back to the beginning later. 

How many times have I read the parable of the sower?  (Luke 8:1-15) How often do I know that I need good soil? See I have read this passage a million times, but to what level have I "gotten" this passage?  One may never truly know.  I do know however, that I hit a realization today about the passage.  Perhaps its because I haven't spent much of my life paying attention to gardening, or farming, or anything of the sort.  People in this neighborhood where I live pay landscapers that come in pickup trucks during the day while they are at work to do the magic for them.  Perhaps I had always thought that was a magic process myself.

At this house, there is no landscape fairy.  My dad and his wife mow the lawn, pull the weeds, water and fertilize, etc.  My whole family helped out with the mulch, as my dad had rented a wood chipper and did away with all the branches from a tree he cut down in the back yard.  I pulled weeds in the front, I have mowed the lawn.  This stuff takes work.  And it keeps growing back.  If you don't watch it, the yard will be full of weeds, the little plastic barriers that keep the grass in the grass and the wood chips in the wood chips comes up, and the plants will take over your yard.  Mowing the back yard it takes several attempts to get around the bushes that want to slice your skin open while you mow the grass underneath.  The earth is moving, and rocks and other barriers fall over, become loose and need re-adjustment.

I have vague memories of helping my parents in our backyard garden as a child.  I know we had one, my grandmother had one, and my aunt had one.  We grew cucumbers, zucchini, tomatoes and corn.  My grandmother grew beans that I loved to pick off the vine and eat.  My favorite memory is probably feeling the wet mud between my toes, which later was hosed off- kids are not afraid to get dirty. The food from the garden was so good and delicious.  It was even more so because we worked for it.  We tended the garden, pulling weeds and making sure it had fertilizer and water.  My dad had this monster machine that tilled the ground under every year.  It was huge in comparison to my child body, and we had to stay far away. It was a monster, consuming the soil and working it hard.  This garden took work.

Why am I to think that my "soil" doesn't require work in order to produce fruit?  The thing that makes my soil the 4th soil in the parable is how much work I put into this soil.  Some people will always be gravel roads.  They go to work, watch tv, have a beer, go to bed, and get up and do it again the next day.  They aren't very deep, and it shows.  They don't have many weeds, but they don't have much fruit either.  They keep their grass mowed tight to the ground, letting nothing and no one in. The fence on this land is tall and topped with barbed wire.  Maybe even electrified.  Some people are deep, but they have so many weeds in their life.  Years of depleted soil inherited from generations of bad gardening.  They can't tell a good plant from a bad plant.  The roots are so entangled, and they continue to think that the problem is the good plant, not the weeds that take over their lives.  There is no fence on this land.  Those are some extremes.

What is my yard supposed to look like?  Well, there is a fence, but also a gate.  Regular weeding, watering, and fertilizing happens.  This means I need to fertilize with the Word of God.  Water with Living Water.  Erect boundaries and pull things in my life that might take vital nutrients away from my tree of life.  I desire to bear fruit.  I need to let the Master Gardener come in.  He does much of the work, but I need to work with him, listen to him and do what he says in order to have everything aesthetically pleasing but also full of life and nutrients, producing much fruit.

Do you see what I see?  Are you hearing what I hear?  I need to work for God's landscaping company.  I need to dig around and work my soil.  I need to contribute to this, if I don't then someone else will.  And the seeds will be snatched before they have a chance to take root.  This life isn't easy, its hard work.  Its very hard grueling work at times.  But once I have the groundwork laid out and a routine in place, its not so bad.  Every once and a while I have to rotate my crops, or take a fallow season.  Sometimes I have to burn the whole place down so that everything can grow up stronger and more resilient.  It kills the undergrowth and gives the good things a chance to really shine.  I am going to have to break a sweat, I just can't sit back and watch it happen.  This isn't a movie or novel, this is life.  This is my garden.  What do you see?

Fireproof

"Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it."

Since my house fire in '07, I have had many other "fires." In fact, I believe that my first fire was training for the next fires that came.

I had lived at my home for about 5 years without insurance. I finally did it, and I am not saying that it was the insurance that caused the fire, but I am saying that it was God that got on my butt to get the insurance.

My mom had always been my insurance policy. She died and I had to find other ways to do things. I didn't have her to rely on anymore, I had to be an adult. I got married, I got insurance for the condo.

The night of the fire, I got down on my knees, crying. "Why God? Why now? The first thing Job did was praise you, but I don't know how to..." and with that, I realized that I indeed WAS praising God.

Praising God is not saying "things are okay God, I'm fine, thanks." Praising God is being open and honest with Him, going to God with your deepest feelings and needs. Praising God is choosing HIM first. Praising God is seeking His heart.

I have realized that this world is fallen, and God doesn't cause everything that happens in this world. But what he does do, it take it and use it for good.

Everything was happening it seemed all at once, and if I wasn't part of a church family, I don't know where I would be. In fact, its all still happening. Life happens, life goes on. But what I love about my church family is that they love me, pray for me, support me, guide me, call me out, and hug me. They are Jesus in the flesh to me.

In the Bible, you read about "The Refiner's Fire" in which silver is placed so that all of its impurities are burned out of it, so that it shines brightly and reflects the face of the refiner. I think that THAT is what being fireproof is, burning out the impurities in your life. That is what God does, he gets rid of the sin in your life, making you more the way he intended. Leading you into a life that is truly life.

As hard as it is, being put in the fire, I love coming out. Don't stop refining me Lord!

I try to blog about Summit but...

I really think CCC has "it" and Dave Ferguson has "it." John Burke quoted Dave Ferguson during the unscripted session. This is when I realized that I am part of some radical movement. I know Dave Ferguson. He has emailed me personally! (It was an honor!) First, I have to explain my Dave Ferguson "obsession." Its not that Dave is some really popular and famous guy and that I know him, in as much as he has made it possible for me to be a part of this radical movement. No, I don't work for him. That is the best part. Dave is the face on our church, and I feel that CCC has a culture where I am a part of the church and I am responsible for the church whether I am on staff or not. So, my weird "groupie" following of D.Ferg is just my way of boasting in my church. I can boast in Dave, Jon and Tim. I can boast in all the members of our church! I love our staff! Dave just happens to be the public face of our church. I like Dave because he is down to earth, and really truly humbly has a heart for God. I like Dave because he cultivates the culture where I am that has given me the best part of my life. I cannot explain it. I love the way he talks about his daughter, sons and wife. His life is shared openly with the church, and gives me hope. Its not an obsession, its a fondness. I promise you Dave, I am not stalking you. No more than I am stalking Eric Bramlett.

You will all think I am crazy now, and that is just fine. But, let me assure you the reason I am crazy is because of Jesus. Jesus has changed my life. Opening my life up to God has made me a better person, and I actually enjoy life. Like Bill Hybels said today, God's plans for you are way better than what you could have made on your own. I am just praising God for what I have, where I am, and the blessings I have.

I haven't really made that stuff public, so maybe if you want to know, ask me, email me. I will gladly tell you about it. All I can say is this: when God saved us, saved our home from the fire, I realized a lot of stuff. One of them is that stuff is just stuff, and I want to use what I have been blessed with to help others. Another is that God is always with you. Always.

God loves you and wants you to give in to him. The life I am living is not one I picked, but God has picked for me and it is wonderful. I am so blessed. I love the family that He has picked for me, you know who you are.

Now, I must go. I have to organize my sock drawer.

Why I love Celebrate the Journey

Most of you know that I spend my Tuesday nights at church doing small groups. Some of you know that I do a support and recovery program. Few of you might know that I lead a twelve-step group.

First off, I serve with some awesome folks. I love the people I serve with and the people I serve. Secondly, large group rocks. We get together from 7-7:40 for large group. That means worship music (I love) and either a teaching or testimony. Also Diane often has nuggets of wisdom. Tonight Sherrie taught about being able to cry out to God and others for help when we are hurting.

It is scary to admit you are not fine. I haven't been fine. My friends could see that in me. I even had a coffee and still looked tired. Like the puppies above, they could tell I was down. "What is going on with you?" they ask me, "I can tell you are not okay." They know they better call me out, and that I really appreciate it. I do. I love that someone cares enough to check on me.

I have been really sad. The second anniversary of my mom's passing is coming up. Some days it feels like 2 million years, sometimes, times like now, it feels like 2 days. I am a totally different person than I was two years ago, and I am completely confident that my mom would be more proud of me than anyone else. And God has put wonderful women in my life that more than fill my mother's roll. It still doesn't make it hurt any less. It still doesn't make me miss her any less.

We saw the video from Indiana Jones where he has to take the leap of faith. I listen to Nicole Nordeman sing "what if you jump, just close your eyes..." and I remember the reason I am doing so well. I took that step of faith when I had nothing to cling to but the promise of God. "What if the arms that catch you, catch you by suprise?" I read the Bible every day, and more and more I am assured of God's love. I know he is there.

Yet God never promises there will not be pain and sorrow. In Isaiah 53:3, Jesus is called a man of sorrows, acquainted with the deepest grief. In John 11:35 it says Jesus wept. Jesus cried often. Once he was so worried he sweat blood (Luke 22:44). Does that make the pain any better?

No, but it makes it easier to bear.

God doesn't say he will keep us from the fire and floods. He says he will be with us in the fire and as we cross the river (Isaiah 43:2). I know God was with me when my house caught on fire. I may not have felt it, but looking back on it, oh boy you can't miss it. Daily I drive past a house that nearly burned down and they have to entirely rebuild the garage. I got through it. I came out stronger.

I know God is with me now, but I still hurt. Celebrate the Journey lets me be with other people who know that kind of hurt. It lets me share and be with people who understand there is no place to look to but to God in times like these. Having the relationship with God that I do now, and did not have two years ago, reminds me why I keep coming back every week.

Somehow when you hurt together, it doesn't hurt less, but it is easier to bear. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says that a cord of three strands is not easily broken. How about our small group cord of 12 strands? BRICK HOUSE!

A little self praise

Things are going really well for me personally. I volunteered to help start a blog for a ministry at church, and ended up being the one to run with it. And it feels good. I feel good that my blogging has paid off, and I have experience going into this new one. I feel good that people like what I have written, although I will never take credit or put my name on the site. Mostly I feel good because its a "God job" and its something that I feel God calling me to do.

Have you ever had to tell someone something or you would just burst? That is how I feel about "God stuff" in that if I don't do it, I will burst. Not that it is something that I don't want to do, I am absolutely loving it, I want to do it, I want to do it so much that if I don't I will explode. I am finding out that I am good, that I have gifts that God has given me and I am just being able to use them.

It feels good to start living up to my potential, it feels good to live the life I never even knew I could live. This life is the good life, not cars and money and fancy clothes, but that I am filled with a peace and joy that cannot be shaken. I have my loving husband, a home (thanks God for not letting it burn down!) my loving pets, good friends, a great job with great benefits, and things just keep looking up the more I work for God.

Words cannot describe other than the quote that I think of when I see the above photo: "that'll do pig, that'll do."

2007 Year in Review

Wow, just looking back on Blogger for my entries over the past year... I am amazed at two major points... I was sick an awful lot, and the fact that God has really been sculpting me this year, its so awesome to see it happen. Here are some highlights:

1. I got married. It was probably the best event ever in my life so far. Thanks to all my friends and family who made it happen. I have the best husband ever.

2. I went on my Honeymoon and finally got to see the Grand Canyon. I felt so tiny in comparison to that. Yet it was really comforting to know that God cares for me, despite my insignificance in the universe. Sedona was also super cool. It was an experience I won't ever forget. Thanks to Dave's folks for the plane tickets and the rides, and Dave's brother for the house. And thanks to all the friends and family for all the cash gifts at our wedding, we couldn't have enjoyed our honeymoon without your generosity.

3. I got to wear a suit at work. This is odd for a person who wears pajamas (scrubs.) I will be doing this again in '08!

4. I changed my schedule. God put it in my heart to do so, and so I have, and it has literally changed my life. I enjoy being a part of Celebrate the Journey EVERY Tuesday.

5. My cousin Tammy got married! I was a first time bridesmaid. It was a fun wedding, Tammy glowed! Oh and I like her husband too! I will miss them when they move to Indy in the early spring.

6. Mom was laid to rest. On the one year anniversary of her passing (07-07-07) we scattered her ashes into Lake Michigan, and then went swimming! It was so awesome, and freeing. I love you Mom, see you when I get there.

7. Ignite Chicago! I got to see my two favoritest bands in concert! Tree 63 and David Crowder! It was fun, and my sister adopted a child.

8. Babies! A good friend announced that she was pregnant. Also several people at work are also pregnant, or were and now have babies!

9. I gave in and joined Facebook. Be my friend, I need more people to poke, bite, and bomb.

10. The great remodel. We moved into Dad's house for 6 weeks and lets just say I am so glad to be home, so much so we vacationed here.

11. Abby tore a cruciate ligament in her knee, she now limps.

12. We moved back in the house, then had a small fire, lived in a motel for 9 days. Yeah, its was fun, not! Praise God that its all good now.

13. I won the most likely to star in her own reality TV show at work. Funny, my life IS like a reality show.

14. Miss Daisy Mae joined Muffi and Georgie and several others in Doggie Heaven. She was a good dog. She is missed.

15. I gave my testimony. Me, I got up on stage and told intimate details of my life to friends and strangers. It was one of the most freeing experiences of my life, and I did a good job.

16. The thing we haven't made public yet. No, I am not pregnant, but intimate friends know whats up. I pray for a peaceful resolution in '08. I know its redundant putting up something I cannot tell you, but lets just say it is that big and affects me that much.

17. The spare room is occupied. Pray that our friend Paul is able to get on his feet soon.

Happy Old Year to all of you. I have grown more than I could ever imagine, and I have to give God all the glory.

Here's to an even better New Year....

My own Reality TV Show!

Yes that's right folks, according to my co-workers, I have been nominated most likely to star in their own reality TV show. I think this is hilarious. You know why? My life IS a reality show.

I look back over the last few years and wanted to share some highlights that probably got me qualified to "win" this title.

~I got stranded in Mexico (lost my ID and couldn't fly)
~My best friend shoved a piece of cake in my face at work (no, I did not laugh)
~I have been known to break into dance at random (especially at shift change)
~Mom's illness/death
~Dad's marriage to her caretaker 4 months after she died
~My engagement of only 3 months
~numerous "work" related dramas (I dare not say more)
~my dryer fire post remodeling
~an current event I cannot post yet

I laugh, I find this all funny, because I have survived! I am alive, and really happy (unlike most reality stars.) I don't care that people see me and my life and laugh, because I laugh. This is the joy of having Christ in your heart. Life is not easy folks, but it is for living and loving and laughing... enjoy! Thanks God!

We are HOME!!!

Yes we are home! Internet, our own bed, and sleeping in on Sunday! Phoebe and Abby seem to be the happiest! They know we are home, and love it! They curl up and snuggle in bed with us, making us not want to get out of bed.

Looking forward to our blinds arriving, that means no more fishbowl feelings.

Patience is truly a virtue. The washer and dryer are not installed yet, and they sit in the living room. There are tons of boxes yet to unpack. I better get going.

Thanks God for providing through our hard times. We couldn't do it without you...

Just when we thought we were home

Dave and I are living in a hotel right now. The suggestion was made that we should not stay at our house until the cleaning was done because of the toxicity. Our insurance covers it, and so we are nomads again. We found a really clean and affordable hotel about 5 minutes from home (depending on traffic) and so we shall see what comes of this and when we go home.

So don't mind if I don't update the blog for a while. While the hotel offers free wi-fi, we don't have a laptop. Currently I sit at "Dad's internet cafe" aka Dad's house. I have some errands to run, so I am off.

Remember to appreciate the things you do have... I do.

God, I am confused

Dear God,
Thank your for saving us from having a total disaster Tuesday night. You kept us safe from a fire that could have destroyed our home, our pets, our lives. But I am confused... why now? Why after we remodeled and painted and moved in do we need to move out into a hotel and start all over again? Please help me to understand.

I know this. Your way is better than I can ever imagine. I need to trust in you. Everything is going to be alright.

Help me to not be so traumatized. Help me God, because I cannot do this without you.

Thank you so much. Thank you for loving me and my family and keeping us safe. Thank you for Jesus, AMEN.