I have so many reasons to be thankful this Thanksgiving. Lets start with my salvation in Christ Jesus. I won't delve in, just need to list that first. Without Jesus, none of this would be possible, and who would I truly be thankful to??
God has blessed me with so much, and family has to be first. My family has expanded exponentially this year, and all of the drama and heartache has been worth it. All of it. There is no greater joy in this world than the giggle of that child, my child, happy in his family.
I am especially thankful for my friends who are my extended family. So many of you have stepped up to love me, tell me the truth, hug me, hold me and let me cry. For some its just a text or note on Facebook or voicemail that came at just the right time. For some it has been physical and/or financial sacrifice. For many it has been hours upon hours of fervent prayer. I have gotten more love, forgiveness, and undeserving grace this year from all of you than I could ever deserve. Thank you.
I need to separately list my sister Megan. Megan has come to stand beside me, in every way possible this year. Loving me, praying for me, sacrificing financially, and giving me big sister advice (she is older than me spiritually, and that wisdom can count more than time). Megan and I used to be far apart, and now that we are reunited in our hearts, we grow closer all the time. Meggie, you truly are a blessing. I love you Boo!
Of course there is Dave. I have to list Dave separately. Why? Because we are one, he is my partner. I have had more love and support from him than I deserve. More grace than I deserve. More respect than I have earned. Dave is strong when I am not, and always brings me back to what is important. The man has more wisdom than I can shake a fist at, and every single time I watch him with Jeramy I am blown away at just how fantastic a father he truly is. I love you so much Dave.
Of course if I started listing people one by one, I would never get any Turkey. Just know that each and every single one of you is loved, cherished, thought of, and prayed for today and most every day.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
My God is the God of seasons
Our God is a God of seasons. He created time and seasons for a reason. What happens when you wear shorts and a tank top in the winter? You freeze. What happens when you try to plant in the fall? Your plants die. Unless you plant bulbs... but they have to sit there underground all winter, right? (I am not much of a green thumb type person.)
And so I find myself trying to figure out just exactly what is going on in my life, where I am at and what my next steps are.
What I thought was spring, was just an indian summer. You see, harvest has come. I have been reaped. Its a violent thing, the harvest. Believe me my blessings are plenty, and I have much to be thankful for. I believe God is the Great Farmer and we are called to be farmers, so as a farmer I need to do what is prudent at this time.
Look what I found on Wikipedia under the heading Agriculture:
So, it looks like exactly what I thought. My soil needs a season to lay fallow and/or requires the input of nutrients and pest control. Looks like I need to rest, nourish, and set some boundaries. And as full as my plate has been recently, it looks like I need a lot of that.
And I need your help. Love me, feed me, and don't let me hide in a damn cave. Winter seems like a great time to cuddle up with some good friends and tell a story by the fire, doesn't it. I am not gonna work so darn hard to prove anything, I know I am loved, and no matter how much I am hurting, God is still God, and he is still in control. And nothing can separate me from his love.
From Wikipedia under Shifting Cultivation:
So I know its not doing nothing... Perhaps in the spring, I might plant something different, who knows? I just know that the crop I have been planting is done... for this season. Time to take a break, and enjoy winter. Actually enjoy something I have hated for years. Yes, I have hated winter. This year I choose to embrace it.
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
"Desert Song" by Hillsong
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
And weakness or trial or pain
There is faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me lord through the flames
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ
So firm on his promise I'll stand
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
And this is my prayer in the harvest
And favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I receive I will sow
And so I find myself trying to figure out just exactly what is going on in my life, where I am at and what my next steps are.
What I thought was spring, was just an indian summer. You see, harvest has come. I have been reaped. Its a violent thing, the harvest. Believe me my blessings are plenty, and I have much to be thankful for. I believe God is the Great Farmer and we are called to be farmers, so as a farmer I need to do what is prudent at this time.
Look what I found on Wikipedia under the heading Agriculture:
Cropping systems vary among farms depending on the available resources and constraints; geography and climate of the farm; government policy; economic, social and political pressures; and the philosophy and culture of the farmer.[34][35] Shifting cultivation (or slash and burn) is a system in which forests are burnt, releasing nutrients to support cultivation of annual and then perennial crops for a period of several years. Then the plot is left fallow to regrow forest, and the farmer moves to a new plot, returning after many more years (10-20). This fallow period is shortened if population density grows, requiring the input of nutrients (fertilizer or manure) and some manual pest control. Annual cultivation is the next phase of intensity in which there is no fallow period. This requires even greater nutrient and pest control inputs.
So, it looks like exactly what I thought. My soil needs a season to lay fallow and/or requires the input of nutrients and pest control. Looks like I need to rest, nourish, and set some boundaries. And as full as my plate has been recently, it looks like I need a lot of that.
And I need your help. Love me, feed me, and don't let me hide in a damn cave. Winter seems like a great time to cuddle up with some good friends and tell a story by the fire, doesn't it. I am not gonna work so darn hard to prove anything, I know I am loved, and no matter how much I am hurting, God is still God, and he is still in control. And nothing can separate me from his love.
From Wikipedia under Shifting Cultivation:
Fallow fields are not unproductive. During the fallow period, shifting cultivators use the successive vegetation species widely for timber for fencing and construction, firewood, thatching, ropes, clothing, tools, carrying devices and medicines. It is common for fruit and nut trees in fallows to be planted in fallow fields to the extent that parts of some fallows are in fact orchards. Soil-enhancing shrub or tree species may be planted or protected from slashing or burning in fallows. Many of these species have been shown to fix nitrogen. Fallows commonly contain plants that attract birds and animals and are important for hunting. But perhaps most importantly, tree fallows protect soil against physical erosion and draw nutrients to the surface from deep in the soil profile.
So I know its not doing nothing... Perhaps in the spring, I might plant something different, who knows? I just know that the crop I have been planting is done... for this season. Time to take a break, and enjoy winter. Actually enjoy something I have hated for years. Yes, I have hated winter. This year I choose to embrace it.
Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
"Desert Song" by Hillsong
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
And weakness or trial or pain
There is faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me lord through the flames
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ
So firm on his promise I'll stand
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have reason to worship
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
And this is my prayer in the harvest
And favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I receive I will sow
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Problem with Pain
You know how you make a stupid mistake and you realize it while its happening? Well lucky me sits here a victim of my own stupidity. Today I ordered giardinara on my panini. Wouldn't have been such a big deal, except that yesterday I had it on my sandwhich at Potbelly. Giardinara often messes with my stomach, but I love the heat, so I often try other ways. Sport peppers I seem to do great with. Dummy me asked for giardinara.
Tonight I sit with at least 5 sores in my swollen mouth. I never get sores in my mouth. AND, my stomach was yelling at me all night. Thank God I take Nexium otherwise I would be in burning agony, not just pain and mild cramping.
Then I thank God for the local mouth numbing medicine we have tubes of in our cabinet. It was only when I got it on I realized just how badly swollen the inside of my mouth is.
We do stuff like that, make bad mistakes because we love how it tastes. And then to deal with the consequences, we numb it, block it, reduce it, push it away. How lovely is that, to be able to do that? We have gotten so used to not facing the consequences of our actions that we continue to act stupidly.
I am the world's biggest example of that. But this isn't confession to the world time. I just wish I could stop myself from making those mistakes while I make them. You see, because one day its gonna catch up with me. One day I will regret not making wiser choices. I am already making those wishes as I try to teach my children not to make the same mistakes I did.
Yet I ignored my mother when she did the same for me. In fact, I often pushed her away. And it hurts. It hurts because I won't be able to apologize to her. It hurts because I have to deal with deeper consequences of my actions instead of the skin deep ones I started making while ignoring mom.
Have some more Ambesol...
See, God realizes these things. He knows that we will choose to do stuff against his will for us, but we do it anyways. And just like it hurts me to see people I love making mistakes I have made and warned them against.... it hurts God just as much when we ignore him.
But he understands us, after all God created us. He knew we would mess up, he knew we would make bad choices, that is life, and since the apple was bitten, we all deal with the fall. We all choose. We don't always make the best choice. But someone did. Jesus did. Jesus didn't fight when they whipped him and spit at him. He took it. He took it because he was taking it for us. He hung up on a cross naked and beaten to take the punishment for our choices.
Could you imagine someone taking the consequences to your bad decisions? I can't.
Jesus takes on all of our sin, and that makes me want to stop making bad choices.
I still do. But I am working on it, and accepting the Grace of the one who knows.
Tonight I sit with at least 5 sores in my swollen mouth. I never get sores in my mouth. AND, my stomach was yelling at me all night. Thank God I take Nexium otherwise I would be in burning agony, not just pain and mild cramping.
Then I thank God for the local mouth numbing medicine we have tubes of in our cabinet. It was only when I got it on I realized just how badly swollen the inside of my mouth is.
We do stuff like that, make bad mistakes because we love how it tastes. And then to deal with the consequences, we numb it, block it, reduce it, push it away. How lovely is that, to be able to do that? We have gotten so used to not facing the consequences of our actions that we continue to act stupidly.
I am the world's biggest example of that. But this isn't confession to the world time. I just wish I could stop myself from making those mistakes while I make them. You see, because one day its gonna catch up with me. One day I will regret not making wiser choices. I am already making those wishes as I try to teach my children not to make the same mistakes I did.
Yet I ignored my mother when she did the same for me. In fact, I often pushed her away. And it hurts. It hurts because I won't be able to apologize to her. It hurts because I have to deal with deeper consequences of my actions instead of the skin deep ones I started making while ignoring mom.
Have some more Ambesol...
See, God realizes these things. He knows that we will choose to do stuff against his will for us, but we do it anyways. And just like it hurts me to see people I love making mistakes I have made and warned them against.... it hurts God just as much when we ignore him.
But he understands us, after all God created us. He knew we would mess up, he knew we would make bad choices, that is life, and since the apple was bitten, we all deal with the fall. We all choose. We don't always make the best choice. But someone did. Jesus did. Jesus didn't fight when they whipped him and spit at him. He took it. He took it because he was taking it for us. He hung up on a cross naked and beaten to take the punishment for our choices.
Could you imagine someone taking the consequences to your bad decisions? I can't.
Jesus takes on all of our sin, and that makes me want to stop making bad choices.
I still do. But I am working on it, and accepting the Grace of the one who knows.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Inside out, Jesus you turn me, upside down, and round and round....
Continuing on the Journey of all things changing, nothing staying the same... Yet all things are still the same externally, my heart and mind are going through things which will influence my physical actions. Anyway, I want to blog out some things and work through them, "so pardon me while I burst."
So I have moved on to reading Shane Claiborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" and wow. Shane is my age, and he chose to chase after Christianity and got to experience working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta (of course while he was doing this, my life was in bad shape and I was far from Christ.) He followed his visit to Calcutta with a semester at Wheaton College and an internship at Willow Creek. He was in my town. He says in his book "I must say Wheaton wasn't the easiest place to be." After which my sister (whom I borrowed the book from) wrote HA!!! I know he was referring to the college, but for us, its the town we grew up in.
Wheaton is full of churches. It is the church capitol of DuPage county and you can't drive around much without running into a church. But oh how spiritually dead it is. And at the time Shane was here, there was still a dancing ban at the college! (I will never forget dancing at the college to worship God and thinking how much this would piss some people off- and it was Matt Redmond's doing. I would swear the balcony would fall down!) Now there are some people truly searching God, there always are, but the reality is that Wheaton is just another suburban town centered around appearances and bigger and better homes. Even in the neighborhood I grew up in, mansions are replacing older homes at an alarming rate. (well alarming to me anyway.)
What gets me always when I think about how cozy our little area is, and as I watch cars drive down streets that could support an entire village for a few years with the cost of them, is how damn selfish we are. I felt this before Shane's book, and to be honest, I am glad to see others feel it too.
Shane noticed the difference between the poor in Calcutta and in the suburbs. The people in Calcutta had no money, the suburbanites were spiritually poor. "The more I read the Bible, the more I felt my comfortable life interrupted." Yes, that is exactly how I felt. Shane says how much he "long[s] for the Calcutta slums to meet the Chicago suburbs, for lepers to meet landowners and for each to see God's image in the other. Its no wonder that the footsteps of Jesus lead from the tax collectors to the lepers. I truly believe that when the poor meet the rich, riches will have no meaning. And when the rich meet the poor, we will see poverty come to an end." emphasis mine.
Call me a revolutionary, but I am only following in the footsteps of the one who saved me. Jesus.
So what does this mean? Where do we go from here? Its the question we all must wrestle with. And so I leave you with a quote from the late great Mamma T (Mother Teresa). "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it."
So I have moved on to reading Shane Claiborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" and wow. Shane is my age, and he chose to chase after Christianity and got to experience working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta (of course while he was doing this, my life was in bad shape and I was far from Christ.) He followed his visit to Calcutta with a semester at Wheaton College and an internship at Willow Creek. He was in my town. He says in his book "I must say Wheaton wasn't the easiest place to be." After which my sister (whom I borrowed the book from) wrote HA!!! I know he was referring to the college, but for us, its the town we grew up in.
Wheaton is full of churches. It is the church capitol of DuPage county and you can't drive around much without running into a church. But oh how spiritually dead it is. And at the time Shane was here, there was still a dancing ban at the college! (I will never forget dancing at the college to worship God and thinking how much this would piss some people off- and it was Matt Redmond's doing. I would swear the balcony would fall down!) Now there are some people truly searching God, there always are, but the reality is that Wheaton is just another suburban town centered around appearances and bigger and better homes. Even in the neighborhood I grew up in, mansions are replacing older homes at an alarming rate. (well alarming to me anyway.)
What gets me always when I think about how cozy our little area is, and as I watch cars drive down streets that could support an entire village for a few years with the cost of them, is how damn selfish we are. I felt this before Shane's book, and to be honest, I am glad to see others feel it too.
Shane noticed the difference between the poor in Calcutta and in the suburbs. The people in Calcutta had no money, the suburbanites were spiritually poor. "The more I read the Bible, the more I felt my comfortable life interrupted." Yes, that is exactly how I felt. Shane says how much he "long[s] for the Calcutta slums to meet the Chicago suburbs, for lepers to meet landowners and for each to see God's image in the other. Its no wonder that the footsteps of Jesus lead from the tax collectors to the lepers. I truly believe that when the poor meet the rich, riches will have no meaning. And when the rich meet the poor, we will see poverty come to an end." emphasis mine.
Call me a revolutionary, but I am only following in the footsteps of the one who saved me. Jesus.
So what does this mean? Where do we go from here? Its the question we all must wrestle with. And so I leave you with a quote from the late great Mamma T (Mother Teresa). "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it."
Monday, November 9, 2009
From this moment on
We all know those moments in time where things will change forever. The day we take the wedding vows, the day you find out the test results, the day the phone rings with unbearable news. Well this weekend, God reached down and touched my heart, my marriage, my family.
My sister invited Dave and I up for a marriage conference at her church. She offered to pay the way for Dave and I as well as watch Jeramy. Not only that, she offered to pay for our gas and meals! How awesome was that? So I took Friday off of work and we drove up to Wisconsin after school. I should have looked at the construction on the Interstates, because it seemed like it took us forever to get up there. Especially when Jeramy asked every fifteen minutes. This was his first trip up to visit his Aunt Megan in Wisconsin, and see Lake Michigan. He loved it.
We stayed at the home Megan lives at, with the Reynolds family. They live down the street from her church, and it saved us a ton of gas and time when the conference got moved to Living Light instead of the other church it was going to be at. Not only that, but the Reynolds helped us to feel at home, and they were extremely gracious hosts, full of love and hospitality. Their two children are darling, and full of love and energy. We had a comfortable bed, a hot shower, hot coffee (even had my creamer!) and good food and atmosphere!
I have been looking forward to this weekend with anticipation, knowing that things would be different. Would my behavior change, my attitude? I wasn't sure, but much like the woman in the Bible who bled for 8 years, I was hurting and waiting for an opportunity to touch Jesus. I knew that Jesus would be there this weekend, and that things would be different. I just wasn't sure how.
A few weeks ago Celebrate the Journey had a healing service, it was awesome and much was healed and repaired there. It was like preparing the way. This weekend I had heart surgery. God showed me how things were wrong in my heart, and I opened up for him to come and repair it. And I surrendered. I gave Jesus all of the chaos, all of my mistakes, all of my past, all of my pain. And he took it.
I am lighter in spirit now. Heavier with the right spirit might be more appropriate. The dark clouds are completely gone from me. Now is a very critical time in my life, because once you sweep a house clean of bad spirit, you need to fill it with the right spirit, the Holy Spirit.
Often we talk alot about God the Father, or Jesus the Son, but there is three parts to Trinity. God the Spirit, the Comforter, Counselor, Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit. Jesus left the earth so that the Comforter might come. Oh come Emmanuel, God with us. And He is. He knocked, and I opened the door.
I have been quite aware of the Holy Spirit for much a long time, and trying to be obedient to its call. But I had just been keeping it on my friends list like an acquaintance, hanging out with Him when I needed to. Not anymore. I need Him constantly, and this weekend, He moved into my heart, for good, to stay.
I am excited to see how He is moving in my husband. I know Dave was touched and changed as well. I also know I must wait for the words to come to him to describe it, let him ponder it a while. God so very much has control over it, and I worry not.
There are many things that are going on in my heart, and that is just one. If you know me at all, I always have lots going on. That's just me. But you see they are all just strings in this beautiful tapestry that I am letting God weave of my life.
I finished Monkey and the Fish, and have moved on to Irresistible Revolution (Shane Claiborne), and a Swindoll book on Grace. I am inspired to change the way I live my life. I am not sure what that looks like, but I know that this weekend is just a marker in what begins a new season for me, my marriage, and my family.
Spring arrives to heal the ground.
My sister invited Dave and I up for a marriage conference at her church. She offered to pay the way for Dave and I as well as watch Jeramy. Not only that, she offered to pay for our gas and meals! How awesome was that? So I took Friday off of work and we drove up to Wisconsin after school. I should have looked at the construction on the Interstates, because it seemed like it took us forever to get up there. Especially when Jeramy asked every fifteen minutes. This was his first trip up to visit his Aunt Megan in Wisconsin, and see Lake Michigan. He loved it.
We stayed at the home Megan lives at, with the Reynolds family. They live down the street from her church, and it saved us a ton of gas and time when the conference got moved to Living Light instead of the other church it was going to be at. Not only that, but the Reynolds helped us to feel at home, and they were extremely gracious hosts, full of love and hospitality. Their two children are darling, and full of love and energy. We had a comfortable bed, a hot shower, hot coffee (even had my creamer!) and good food and atmosphere!
I have been looking forward to this weekend with anticipation, knowing that things would be different. Would my behavior change, my attitude? I wasn't sure, but much like the woman in the Bible who bled for 8 years, I was hurting and waiting for an opportunity to touch Jesus. I knew that Jesus would be there this weekend, and that things would be different. I just wasn't sure how.
A few weeks ago Celebrate the Journey had a healing service, it was awesome and much was healed and repaired there. It was like preparing the way. This weekend I had heart surgery. God showed me how things were wrong in my heart, and I opened up for him to come and repair it. And I surrendered. I gave Jesus all of the chaos, all of my mistakes, all of my past, all of my pain. And he took it.
I am lighter in spirit now. Heavier with the right spirit might be more appropriate. The dark clouds are completely gone from me. Now is a very critical time in my life, because once you sweep a house clean of bad spirit, you need to fill it with the right spirit, the Holy Spirit.
Often we talk alot about God the Father, or Jesus the Son, but there is three parts to Trinity. God the Spirit, the Comforter, Counselor, Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit. Jesus left the earth so that the Comforter might come. Oh come Emmanuel, God with us. And He is. He knocked, and I opened the door.
I have been quite aware of the Holy Spirit for much a long time, and trying to be obedient to its call. But I had just been keeping it on my friends list like an acquaintance, hanging out with Him when I needed to. Not anymore. I need Him constantly, and this weekend, He moved into my heart, for good, to stay.
I am excited to see how He is moving in my husband. I know Dave was touched and changed as well. I also know I must wait for the words to come to him to describe it, let him ponder it a while. God so very much has control over it, and I worry not.
There are many things that are going on in my heart, and that is just one. If you know me at all, I always have lots going on. That's just me. But you see they are all just strings in this beautiful tapestry that I am letting God weave of my life.
I finished Monkey and the Fish, and have moved on to Irresistible Revolution (Shane Claiborne), and a Swindoll book on Grace. I am inspired to change the way I live my life. I am not sure what that looks like, but I know that this weekend is just a marker in what begins a new season for me, my marriage, and my family.
Spring arrives to heal the ground.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I'm melting!!! Melting!!! (aka: turning into a liquid)
Dave Gibbons tells a bit of his story as the book progresses, about how he had this huge church in the OC with lots of attenders yet he was missing the presence of God until he went to Thailand. I love his honesty here.
I started to read things that I knew would be uber challenging to the majority of church attenders, even the majority of pastors in the United States. Yet they were things that have been deep inside of me for sometime, even before I read the Bible. I knew that what he was writing was the truth because it almost seemed ingrained into my soul. I don't know how to describe it other than these things have been on my heart.
What things you ask? Well, that being a Christian isn't about being comfortable and catering to other middle-class suburban folk. Its about loving, and embracing those people that make you uncomfortable. Oh how different the church would be if we actually could love our neighbor (and he also explains all of that!)
Third-culture is the term used here, but what that really means is accepting culture. I accept and embrace your culture without trying to change it. Different, right? Radical love. Kind of, okay, well exactly like the ministry that Jesus ran when he was on the earth, hanging out with lepers, prostitutes and slimy tax collectors, not the safe folks in the synagogue.
I love how Gibbons weaves the Bible stories right in to support his claims and beliefs. I love how he boldly states just exactly how he feels, and his hope for the Church. I have finished chapter 3, and look forward to diving more deeply into this manifesto for change, and mostly applying it to my life. I wish to be a monkey no more.
Being a liquid leader is in the subtitle, which is why I said I am melting. A liquid takes the shape of the object that holds it, so you think about that for a little bit and chew hard.
I have to leave you with this quote, because if I could write a statement off of my heart even before I read this book, I would write this one from page 83:
This is the type of church and kingdom I want to be a part of -- a band of people who are messy, have addictions and shortcomings, make mistakes, get rejected, and are screwed up, but are so fully aware of the Master's grace and love for them in spite of who they are or once were or will be someday; people who embrace discomfort knowing there is so much to be gained for all of us and for all of our churches. How? In passionately pursing a biblical love for those whom the Bible defines as a neighbor.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The Monkey and the Fish
So, why would you call a book "The Monkey and the Fish"? I had no idea. But I was really inspired by Dave Gibbons at the Leadership Summit, and so I wanted to read his book.
I had the opportunity to hear him speak at the Story conference as well, and he talked about Isaiah 6, and then we met when he autographed the book I just bought.
Many of you know what I have been dealing with in losing a dear friend. So when I picked up and read this parable from the preface, my heart sank.
A typhoon stranded a monkey on an island. In a protected place on the shore, while waiting for the raging waters to recede, he spotted a fish swimming against the current. It seemed to the monkey the fish was struggling and needed assistance. Being of kind heart, the monkey resolved to help the fish.
A tree leaned precariously over the spot where the fish seemed to be struggling. At considerable risk to himself, the monkey moved far out on a limb, reached down, and snatched the fish from the waters. Scurrying back to the safety of his shelter, he carefully laid the fish on dry ground. For a few moments, the fish showed excitement but soon settled into a peaceful rest.
- An Eastern Parable
My heart heart still sinks reading this.
I put myself at great risk only to bring the fish back to die. I am overwhelmed with guilt in this. I am overwhelmed with pain. But I will not use this fish in vain. No, this fish will be a fertilizer for me to grow, and for me to learn.
Mr. Gibbons, it was a pleasure meeting you, and I cannot wait to consume your book. God surely has his hand on me- and most undeniably will not let me go.
Isaiah 6:13 But as a terebinth or oak tree leaves a stump when it is cut down, so Israel’s stump will be a holy seed
Job 14:7 For there is hope for a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease.
God is obviously on the move in my life. If he wasn't, I wouldn't feel so opposed, so challenged, so much like I am in a fight. And guess what, God is coming through and answering prayers. Dave is stepping up to lead, and I am so proud of him. We are attending a marriage workshop this weekend. It will be good. We started to do a devotional together every night. Being intentional.
I am going to start stepping up. Actually meeting with people, not isolating. I truly want to follow Jesus and what he wants is for me to take care of me. If I feed myself, then I will be able to feed others.
But I am needing to re-think a lot of things. And so I take this seed-stump of myself and press on, listening to the Story that God is telling me. It might inspire me, I might learn a lesson. I might grow.
Ready for what is next. Whatever that may be. Seeking beauty in brokenness, purpose in pain. I know I will never again go out on a tree branch to pull a fish out of water.
It is not I who saves, but Christ who saves. And oh, how he loves me! I can't even begin to explain. He forgives this silly monkey. He loves this silly monkey.
Today's reading with my considerations in []: Galatians 2: 18-21 "For if I rebuild what I tore down, I prove myself to be a transgressor. For through [works (or doing stuff)] the law I died to [works] the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through [works] the law, then Christ died for no purpose."
It is not what I do that saves me. It is not fulfilling the law, it is not being a good Christian, it has nothing to do with that. It is only by faith in Christ. And if I insist on doing, saving, the law, works, rebuilding what I tore down, then I am a transgressor; ie an enemy, fighting against Christ. Opposing his saving grace. I need Jesus now more than ever. I need to look towards him, and away from me. I need to quit climbing on tree branches [doing] and start being.
I can get so caught up in doing, so wrapped up in serving that I lose sight of WHO I am serving. WHY I am serving. I so often forget that Jesus's grace is enough. I often forget to just cover myself in His perfect love and be.
So, thank you Dave Gibbons. I hope to continue to blog, or at least journal as I read the book. I am sure interested what nuggets of wisdom I will acquire in this reading.
My Story Story
I had a tremendous opportunity to attend a pretty awesome Christian conference called Story on October 28th. For FREE!!! I got hooked up to serve at the conference at registration. After registration, we were free to attend the conference. I was psyched, I knew that this was an opportunity of a lifetime. Visit Storychicago.com.
This took place at the Paramount Theater in Aurora Illinois. I have only heard of its beauty, but when I arrived I saw its splendor.
I got to meet people who I had only known via the internet, and having followed Ben Arment's blog, and Scott Hodge, and being a part on Twitter and Facebook only made it more awesome. Ben quit his position at a church, being called by God to fill a hole and when I saw him I was so excited to see God's dream for him come true. Inspiration for people who communicate the Gospel. I saw the Gospel as something bigger than I had seen it before. I saw the Bible as something bigger, and I saw much more opportunity for me, a layperson, to reach the unreached.
I got to meet Dave Gibbons, who had totally inspired me at the Leadership Summit. I didn't have much to say, other than he inspired me and I was looking forward to reading his book (which I bought and he autographed) and he said that God's hand was on me. It was amazing. I just started his book and haven't gotten through the prologue yet because I had to stop to cry... there is a whole different post in that.
I also got to meet Chris Seay (pronounced as if there was no 'y') and he autographed a copy of the Voice that I bought for Cassie. (The Voice is a new interpretation of the New Testament.) I had a hard time because I know his brother's work a lot more (The Robbie Seay Band) but I know what Chris is doing is phenomenal and I could only hope to reach as many people for Christ as Chris does in his work.
I have been inspired by a generation of Pastors and other communicators of the gospel who have revolutionized the way we think about Church.
And of course I was most affected by the one I was looking forward to the most: Don Miller. Donald Miller's writing has been so inspirational to me, and totally made me think of God in a new light. His book on growing up without a father has helped me to heal some wounds and understand men better, which is more than I can say with a lot of books. His "talk" was about stories and characters, and just totally inspired me to continue writing.
This year has been phenomenal with meeting people I admire, or atleast seeing them live. Jen Hatmaker I got to eat lunch with and sit in a backyard (barefoot and bluejeaned, tshirted) while she and her husband talked about what I only dreamed me and my husband might be doing one day. Changing the world one day at a time for Christ.
I am meeting people who aren't just telling a Story, but living it. Living the gospel.
I am inspired, just when my broken heart needed inspiration.
some random notes for your entertainment/wisdom:
John Ortberg:
#1 sin is selfishness... I so agree with that and am a huge sinner
Shalom means peace, but as in the peace of the way things God wants them to be
Don't get discouraged, its God's job and we get to be a part of His Story.
Ed Young:
The rescue story is enough. (I want to forget the loco rhymes about hope being a rope)
Dave Gibbons:
Platform of PAIN (oh I can so relate to that!)
Isaiah 6: stump will be a seed-in our weakness there is liberation (see the drawing at bottom of my blog)
we need to be honest with pain while communicating hope.
Listen to their story.
Revelation of brokenness will release the power of the Holy Spirit.
Confess sin! Love is a choice.
Chris Seay:
The Bible is not a sword to pick up and hit people with, it is a tool to do surgery on broken hearts.
Jesus told stories and invites us to inquire.
Stacy Spencer:
Steps to story telling: 1. why should I listen 2. Introduce text to dilemma (Bible is still relevant today)3. Put them in the story. 4. twist = grace 5. Redemption We need hope. Hope is a dangerous thing.
Nancy Beach:
Once upon a time are awfully powerful words. The hope of the resurrection story heals our dark and broken places.
Mike Foster:
don't isolate
power in sharing junk. trust each other by lettin them see your limp.
Brokenness in God's hands = beauty. a chapter in our lives is not the end of our lives
Donald Miller:
What is meaningful in a story is so because its meaningful in life.
God doesn't tell us what the story is about, he just tells the next story. For us to get to know who God is and that is all. What if it's all just about a relationship with God? for us to hear stories and live stories. A good character has to sacrifice of themselves for the benefit of others. Success doesn't necessarily tell a good story, character does. We have to want something. Conflict is beautiful, we need it. A story cannot be meaningful unless it involves conflict. A character becomes a better person through pain. conflict is here to stay. conflict makes the story. Jesus was not the climax. Conversion is not the climax. Its a long journey involving pain, so we enjoy the joy.
This took place at the Paramount Theater in Aurora Illinois. I have only heard of its beauty, but when I arrived I saw its splendor.
I got to meet people who I had only known via the internet, and having followed Ben Arment's blog, and Scott Hodge, and being a part on Twitter and Facebook only made it more awesome. Ben quit his position at a church, being called by God to fill a hole and when I saw him I was so excited to see God's dream for him come true. Inspiration for people who communicate the Gospel. I saw the Gospel as something bigger than I had seen it before. I saw the Bible as something bigger, and I saw much more opportunity for me, a layperson, to reach the unreached.
I got to meet Dave Gibbons, who had totally inspired me at the Leadership Summit. I didn't have much to say, other than he inspired me and I was looking forward to reading his book (which I bought and he autographed) and he said that God's hand was on me. It was amazing. I just started his book and haven't gotten through the prologue yet because I had to stop to cry... there is a whole different post in that.
I also got to meet Chris Seay (pronounced as if there was no 'y') and he autographed a copy of the Voice that I bought for Cassie. (The Voice is a new interpretation of the New Testament.) I had a hard time because I know his brother's work a lot more (The Robbie Seay Band) but I know what Chris is doing is phenomenal and I could only hope to reach as many people for Christ as Chris does in his work.
I have been inspired by a generation of Pastors and other communicators of the gospel who have revolutionized the way we think about Church.
And of course I was most affected by the one I was looking forward to the most: Don Miller. Donald Miller's writing has been so inspirational to me, and totally made me think of God in a new light. His book on growing up without a father has helped me to heal some wounds and understand men better, which is more than I can say with a lot of books. His "talk" was about stories and characters, and just totally inspired me to continue writing.
This year has been phenomenal with meeting people I admire, or atleast seeing them live. Jen Hatmaker I got to eat lunch with and sit in a backyard (barefoot and bluejeaned, tshirted) while she and her husband talked about what I only dreamed me and my husband might be doing one day. Changing the world one day at a time for Christ.
I am meeting people who aren't just telling a Story, but living it. Living the gospel.
I am inspired, just when my broken heart needed inspiration.
some random notes for your entertainment/wisdom:
John Ortberg:
#1 sin is selfishness... I so agree with that and am a huge sinner
Shalom means peace, but as in the peace of the way things God wants them to be
Don't get discouraged, its God's job and we get to be a part of His Story.
Ed Young:
The rescue story is enough. (I want to forget the loco rhymes about hope being a rope)
Dave Gibbons:
Platform of PAIN (oh I can so relate to that!)
Isaiah 6: stump will be a seed-in our weakness there is liberation (see the drawing at bottom of my blog)
we need to be honest with pain while communicating hope.
Listen to their story.
Revelation of brokenness will release the power of the Holy Spirit.
Confess sin! Love is a choice.
Chris Seay:
The Bible is not a sword to pick up and hit people with, it is a tool to do surgery on broken hearts.
Jesus told stories and invites us to inquire.
Stacy Spencer:
Steps to story telling: 1. why should I listen 2. Introduce text to dilemma (Bible is still relevant today)3. Put them in the story. 4. twist = grace 5. Redemption We need hope. Hope is a dangerous thing.
Nancy Beach:
Once upon a time are awfully powerful words. The hope of the resurrection story heals our dark and broken places.
Mike Foster:
don't isolate
power in sharing junk. trust each other by lettin them see your limp.
Brokenness in God's hands = beauty. a chapter in our lives is not the end of our lives
Donald Miller:
What is meaningful in a story is so because its meaningful in life.
God doesn't tell us what the story is about, he just tells the next story. For us to get to know who God is and that is all. What if it's all just about a relationship with God? for us to hear stories and live stories. A good character has to sacrifice of themselves for the benefit of others. Success doesn't necessarily tell a good story, character does. We have to want something. Conflict is beautiful, we need it. A story cannot be meaningful unless it involves conflict. A character becomes a better person through pain. conflict is here to stay. conflict makes the story. Jesus was not the climax. Conversion is not the climax. Its a long journey involving pain, so we enjoy the joy.
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