Stuck in Snow

I really hate the winter. The only upside to it is the lack of bugs. Really, I am not one for cold, and snow is just an inconvenience to me. It makes driving harder, my shoes and pants wet, and my car ends up gray from all the salt. Tuesday night I broke a windshield wiper in the middle of a near blizzard. That really was not fun.

I think what gets me the most is that I am not allowed, nor do I have time to go outside and build a snow fort or a snowman. If I had kids, or a yard for that matter, it might not be a problem. But what grown adult is out on their own building snow forts? They serve no purpose. Okay, so maybe I am just jealous.

Besides, I don't really own good gear to play in the snow with. If I went skiing, I would surely break a leg, or die.

So I am just going to enjoy cleaning off my car like the rest of the adults. Errr, I mean hate it... yeah that's right.

I am not so secretive

Who doesn't stop by Post Secret? Well, I found this little tid-bit interesting.

I really don't think any of my cousins sent this in, but it makes you think, doesn't it?

I know that my family reads my blog, or can at any time. I don't hide it. In fact, I have started to put the link attached as my email signature.

I want people to read my blog, that's why I do it. Its a way for me to share my life, my thoughts, and not have to call a million folks up.

I have friends that know a lot more about me than I do about them because they read my blog. (Yes, I am talking to you.) I have co-workers that read my blog. (No, I am not talking about you.) I don't put anything online that I wouldn't want used against me in a court of law. I am not an idiot (at least most of the time.)

I want to encourage you, if you are spying on me, on my blog, its okay! I would really like to know you, who you are, and what you think. I want to start conversations and make you pause to think on stuff occasionally. Sometimes, I am just sharing my life! All it takes to share yours with me is an email. icanseerightthroughyou at gmail. Or, for the not so bold, leave an anonymous comment.

Whomever you are, I wanna thank you (remember that Geggie-ta song?)

Week One Weigh--In

So it has been one week on Weight Watchers, and I weighed in.

I have lost 6 pounds.

It has begun, and I feel good.

I really am finding that I enjoy eating healthy.

Keep praying for me.

A little self praise

Things are going really well for me personally. I volunteered to help start a blog for a ministry at church, and ended up being the one to run with it. And it feels good. I feel good that my blogging has paid off, and I have experience going into this new one. I feel good that people like what I have written, although I will never take credit or put my name on the site. Mostly I feel good because its a "God job" and its something that I feel God calling me to do.

Have you ever had to tell someone something or you would just burst? That is how I feel about "God stuff" in that if I don't do it, I will burst. Not that it is something that I don't want to do, I am absolutely loving it, I want to do it, I want to do it so much that if I don't I will explode. I am finding out that I am good, that I have gifts that God has given me and I am just being able to use them.

It feels good to start living up to my potential, it feels good to live the life I never even knew I could live. This life is the good life, not cars and money and fancy clothes, but that I am filled with a peace and joy that cannot be shaken. I have my loving husband, a home (thanks God for not letting it burn down!) my loving pets, good friends, a great job with great benefits, and things just keep looking up the more I work for God.

Words cannot describe other than the quote that I think of when I see the above photo: "that'll do pig, that'll do."

We all need someone we can lean on

This week has been ablaze with different emotions for me. Just when I am getting over Heath, I find out that one of the WGN news guys died last night in a snowmobile accident. Those are all surface things that it is easy to say are bothering us though.

I have a friend who just moved into an apartment with some other guys, he was nervous because he didn't know them. God was totally with him though, because turns out they are both nice guys, and he knew one of them from about a year ago. The rules are not as strict as he thought, and that means he can hang out with us as much as we want, or he wants. Anyways, we were all pretty stressed out for him yesterday, and this morning when I talked to him, I could relax. I knew God would provide, but I was more worried about how my friend would react.

I myself was stressed out on Tuesday. I was doubting myself and the whole Weight Watchers decision. Everyone asked me how I was, and I didn't want to answer them. I felt much better after Celebrate the Journey though. I connected with God, and I connected with other people who have gone through a lot. We read this passage from the Bible about being lost sheep without a shepherd. That is when it hit me, I was so busy looking at myself, I forgot to look up. I felt like a lost sheep, because I didn't recognize where I was, but when I looked up, I saw my flock, and I saw my Shepherd. I am surrounded by the love of God constantly in His followers and by Himself, but I was being so self-centered I got lost.

Maybe that is what it means to "be still and know" in a way, stop fretting over yourself and look around you. God is everywhere and in everything and everyone if you just stop to see.

I got Mick Jagger singing in my head (don't laugh) "We all need, someone, to lean on. And if you want to, babe, you can lean on God..." (please don't laugh)

So long Heath Ledger

I was pretty shocked when I heard Tuesday night about Heath Ledger. Not only was he a celebrity who was HOT but he was also a good actor. Heath was too young, and too uncontroversial to die. Seriously, I thought I would hear that Britney Spears croaked first.

My mom passed away at 55. Heath only lasted until 28. I am about to turn 32 on the 8th.

Life is too short to fight with your friends people. Be a blessing to everyone you know, starting with yourself. We all just want to be loved, right?

I will miss Heath. (Don't make fun of me.) Good thing is that he is always available on DVD.

Weight Watchers

This is the part where I scream arrrghhhh! I have given in and joined weight watchers and I just pray for the strength to change my life.

I am not dieting... I am changing my life...

sacrificing myself so I can live the life the God desires for me...

no more half pizzas

Lots a brewin

Seems as if time just flies by and I haven't had the time to post. Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans, right?

It just seems that life was never personal before, but now it is, and I don't want to put stuff online that would affect others, so I can't say alot.

What I can say, is that I am going through a lot of change right now, and I am working on myself a ton. I have been going through step one, and meditating on it. I was scared. I was really scared. But then I realized that I was letting doubt get to me. The father of doubt is not my Father God, so I had better quit listening to it all.

My friend JJ seems to be pondering the same issues on her blog. We see what God has to offer, yet we are scared. Why are we scared? God is good.

Our past scars... they run deep.

JJ, I am praying that God gives both you and me the strength to say no to being scared and the ability to say "Yes, God!" I know we can do it through HIM!

Step One

We admitted we were powerless over our dependencies-- that our lives had become unmanageable.

This is me. I am on step one. I have admitted my powerlessness. In the Serenity Bible it says "A universal warning sign of all addictions is the frightening recognition that I have begun to 'do what I will not to do.'" (See Romans 7:18-20.) I have recognized that in how I behave with food.

I am powerless over food. My life has become unmanageable. I cannot control myself. I need help.

How big is this for me? Huge.

Especially because I am posting this on my blog for the world to read.

I am surely on to step 2 next.

I just devoured a great book

Many of you know or have heard of the book "Blue like Jazz" by Donald Miller. It rules, and if you have not read it, you should. I am going to read it again eventually. Well, I loved how he wrote so much that I picked up another book of his "To Own a Dragon."

Now, this book has a subtitle that is something like 'reflections on growing up without a father' (pardon me not running to grab it) and the book really called to me for two reasons. One, I sometimes call my depression a dragon, so I picked up the book to see what it was about. Two, I am working on father issues, and healing things with my dad, whom while present my entire life was completely unavailable to me. I love my dad, don't get me wrong, its just that he didn't live up to the expectations I set. (This is a blog for another day.)

In the prologue, Donald Miller apologizes to women. Maybe I am just not that sensitive, but I believe the book DID speak directly to me. Don is only 5 years older than me, so I feel very similar in place with him, we are the same generation, and I get him, he speaks to me. He writes so matter of fact and in your face and real, that I just want to hug him. He tells it like it is, and makes no apologies, but you laugh about it. I felt that he touched on issues in my soul about God as a father, work ethics, general ethics, sex, and spirituality. These are chunks of my life that were missing for years and years and years. And all rolled together in a beautiful book illustration.

Donald Miller co-authors with his mentor John (I cant remember his last name right now.) John is a photographer, and I really feel like Donald Miller paints with his words. Its beautiful how he writes. Take his owning a dragon metaphor... he says that to him, having a father is much like owning a dragon. See, dragons don't exist in real life. They are mythical creatures that you can read about, but you don't really experience. That is what a father is like to Don.

Oh and he makes you feel comfortable no matter where you are with God. That is probably the best part, you feel comfortable, like talking to a good friend.

Don, you really spoke to me, so much so that I couldn't even take notes I was devouring your book so fast. I am going back for seconds, hopefully to digest it nice and slow this time.

Okay, what next?

I have been known more recently to be willing to do anything. It never used to be that way. You see, I used to rely on people, or myself, and people always hurt me and I just plain let myself down. Now that I rely on God, I know that whatever he has planned for me is going to be good.

Let's take this recent example of me and Celebrate the Journey. The very first time I walked in there, I said I don't need the 12 steps. I snicker now, because that is exactly what God is going to be having me do. I am joining the 12 step group and going in pretty much blind. I have never done this before, and yes I am scared because it is new, but God is good, and He won't give me anything I cannot handle.

I found that when I plan things, I get let down. Once I invited 36 people to my birthday party and only 3 showed up. So, now I am trusting in God. Okay God, what is next? You want me to do what? Okay, I will go. I find so much joy and fulfillment in being obedient, I find my needs not only getting met, but being exceeded! See, I know that He is faithful, and whatever it is that God wants for me is just going to blow my mind. I only expect that whatever it is, I am going to grow, and be filled and be loved and it will just be so great I cannot even put it into words.

See, I know this because I trusted God with a few small things, and it was good. Yet the more and more I trust God with, the better it gets. It may never be what I would think or plan, but it all works out (See Romans 8:28).

I dare you. I dare you to trust God with something small and see what He does with it. Guarantee, He's gonna blow your mind!

The lottery

Today, I stopped at the gas station so my friend could buy smokes. It took forever, and he complained about how the person in front of him bought all of these lottery tickets, this scratch off, no wait that one, and then so many quick picks etc. It made me think about how many times I use the expression "if I ever win the lottery" which is ironic because I never play, and we all know that "you gotta be in it to win it!"

It is sad how people look to all sorts of different things to give them direction, and to be their source. Horrorscopes, fortune cookies, lottery tickets, their slacker girlfriend, Magic 8 ball... whatever it is, all of these things are not gonna be a place where answers can be found. Really, I mean if you take these things, they can apply to anyone, anytime, or not apply at all.

Where do you go? Well, if your car breaks, you go to a guy who knows cars, right? So if your life is broken, why not go to the guy who created life? God wants us to go to Him as our "go-to guy" and not to some cookie or piece of plastic made in China. He sent his son Jesus as an example, not just a sacrifice. I know its hokey to say WWJD? but its the best answer to your problem. How are you gonna know? I mean its not like God has a website, and even if He did, how would you know? We do know that God has a book, The Bible... read that. Pray, which is talking to God, and go be with people who know Him... yes, church.

Spending money on the lottery, just gets you broke. Its easier to be hit by lightning. But experiencing God happens every day.

I love my sister

My sister and I used to fight a lot. What else do sisters do? But see, we grew up, and we grew apart. And I was sad, because even when we fought, we were still close, and I still loved her. Then Mom got sick, and God made some wonderful things happen. Megan and I healed our relationship. We are stronger now than we ever were, and my prayer is that we always stay close at heart, no matter the miles between us.

We shared our lives, our dreams, what God is doing with us today. And we grew closer. God urged me to ask her for help, and she knew the answer. She knew what to do. We are sisters by both our parents' blood and by the blood of Christ now, and it is just amazing.

Thank you God for Meggie, and thank you for the time I could talk and pray with her. Be with us always.